DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter invited seven friends to join her at a local amusement park for her 13th birthday. Everyone responded, saying that they would be delighted to attend.
On the day of the party, one of the girls arrived at the park with a friend who had not been invited to the party. My daughter graciously told the girl that she could use my son's ticket since he had unexpectedly woken up with a bad headache, but the whole situation was decidedly uncomfortable.
Why would the parents think it was appropriate to bring an uninvited guest to a "destination" birthday party? How should we have handled this?
It did not actually cost us extra for this extra guest since my son was sick, and she was technically taking his place, if that makes a difference.
GENTLE READER: The parents were wrong, but your daughter, Miss Manners is pleased to say, behaved impeccably.
As the ticket was available and the girl's friend was not necessarily to blame for the transgression, there was nothing to do but to be gracious.
In order to avoid a repeat offense, however, you would not be remiss in telling the girl's parents next time you see them, "Isn't it lucky that my son had a headache?" -- with the optional insertion of a long pause here to allow for confusion and inquiry as to why -- "Or we would never have been able to accommodate your daughter's unexpectedly showing up with a friend at the party."
How about the girl who brought the uninvited guest? These girls are old enough to know better. And the parent's probably didn't know the girl wasn't invited.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Wow. An amusement park birthday party is not a cheap event. That anyone would think to just "tag along" is highly presumptive. They were very nice about it, and I would have been, too - but if I didn't have an extra ticket, I'd have told them they needed to buy her one and make sure she had money for food. What is wrong with people?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Well, the parents of the invited girl probably didn't know she wasn't invited. However, they did a nice thing to be gracious and pay her way. At this point, not sure there is anything to be "done" necessarily. She could call the mother of that child and explain the situation at which point that mother will be feel embarrassed and humilitiated for the situation and her the fact that her daughter was there uninvited. Or, she won't really care either way as some of these parents are nowadays. I probably would just let it go, it's over. But, next year, if there is another destination party, i would make it clear to anyone invited to NOT bring any guests.
Wow. An amusement park birthday party is not a cheap event. That anyone would think to just "tag along" is highly presumptive. They were very nice about it, and I would have been, too - but if I didn't have an extra ticket, I'd have told them they needed to buy her one and make sure she had money for food. What is wrong with people?
There are a lot of absent parents LL. I have been shuffling and feeding and transporting kids for years while their own parents are who the hell knows where? I even had one kid sleep on my front porch one night and we didn't know he was out there and his parents sure as hell didn't care where he was.
Well, the parents of the invited girl probably didn't know she wasn't invited. However, they did a nice thing to be gracious and pay her way. At this point, not sure there is anything to be "done" necessarily. She could call the mother of that child and explain the situation at which point that mother will be feel embarrassed and humilitiated for the situation and her the fact that her daughter was there uninvited. Or, she won't really care either way as some of these parents are nowadays. I probably would just let it go, it's over. But, next year, if there is another destination party, i would make it clear to anyone invited to NOT bring any guests.
How do you know that?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Well, the parents of the invited girl probably didn't know she wasn't invited. However, they did a nice thing to be gracious and pay her way. At this point, not sure there is anything to be "done" necessarily. She could call the mother of that child and explain the situation at which point that mother will be feel embarrassed and humilitiated for the situation and her the fact that her daughter was there uninvited. Or, she won't really care either way as some of these parents are nowadays. I probably would just let it go, it's over. But, next year, if there is another destination party, i would make it clear to anyone invited to NOT bring any guests.
How do you know that?
I dont' know. I am just saying they probably didn't give it a thought.
Well, the parents of the invited girl probably didn't know she wasn't invited. However, they did a nice thing to be gracious and pay her way. At this point, not sure there is anything to be "done" necessarily. She could call the mother of that child and explain the situation at which point that mother will be feel embarrassed and humilitiated for the situation and her the fact that her daughter was there uninvited. Or, she won't really care either way as some of these parents are nowadays. I probably would just let it go, it's over. But, next year, if there is another destination party, i would make it clear to anyone invited to NOT bring any guests.
How do you know that?
I dont' know. I am just saying they probably didn't give it a thought.
I find that hard to believe.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
LL, you are a very astute person. Most people act in clueless, oblivious ways. You give people too much credit for forethought when in reality, most people are just going with the flow and their only thought is "what's for dinner".
LL, you are a very astute person. Most people act in clueless, oblivious ways. You give people too much credit for forethought when in reality, most people are just going with the flow and their only thought is "what's for dinner".
I would think that getting an invite with ONE name on it would be the first clue. People are not that clueless, although sometimes they PRETEND to be to make things easier. Of course, they might have asked and the girls might have lied.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
LL, you are a very astute person. Most people act in clueless, oblivious ways. You give people too much credit for forethought when in reality, most people are just going with the flow and their only thought is "what's for dinner".
I would think that getting an invite with ONE name on it would be the first clue. People are not that clueless, although sometimes they PRETEND to be to make things easier. Of course, they might have asked and the girls might have lied.
DD and friends don't send invites anymore. They just choose the friends they want at the sleep over or to go on an outing and I message the parents.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
LL, you are a very astute person. Most people act in clueless, oblivious ways. You give people too much credit for forethought when in reality, most people are just going with the flow and their only thought is "what's for dinner".
I would think that getting an invite with ONE name on it would be the first clue. People are not that clueless, although sometimes they PRETEND to be to make things easier. Of course, they might have asked and the girls might have lied.
People really ARE that clueless LL. The girl probably asked her mom if it was ok if the other rode to the party with them. She probably didn't give it a second thought. Honestly. People are most stupid than you think.
The invites I receive are through Evite. It's hard to tell whether both boys are included some times. When in doubt, I ask the mother and tell her it's not a problem if both aren't included, to give her a way out. They usually are both invited, because both boys share the same friends. And I always send them with two gifts.
