TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Girl Grows Restless Waiting for Right Time to Approach Busy Boy

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How about "hey do you wanna go to Starbucks and hang out for a bit and have a latte with me"?

ed11563 · Guru

What might she do to let him know she wants to be closer friends?

Write him a short note? (I understand how busy you are, and if you might find some time maybe we could study together, or go jogging, or ... (fill in the blank) ... )

Walk up to him one day and throw her arms around him and hug him?

Many guys are just clueless, and could really appreciate a girl letting them know she would like to be closer.

Worst case is he will say "I'm gay" or "I just don't have any time for a relationship" or otherwise reject her, but

if she's tried, at least she won't be kicking herself years later for missing what might have been a great opportunity.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

I have heard so often that guys appreciate a gal who steps up. I think she should go for it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She says she doesn't even see him very much anymore.

The advice I give my kids.

Put it in God's hands. Be the person you want in a relationship. And when the time is right, you will know.

Seems this guy is too busy right now. I doubt it would make for a good relationship.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 6th of March 2016 11:22:27 AM

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
She says she doesn't even see him very much anymore.

The advice I give my kids.
Put it in God's hands. Be the person you want in a relationship. And when the time is right, you will know.

Seems this guy is too busy right now. I doubt it would make for a good relationship.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Sunday 6th of March 2016 11:22:27 AM

I would advise both the LW and your daughters to step up and make the first move.

I KNOW that guys are often afraid of being rejected, so they don't make that first move until they have a reason to believe she would react well.

when the time is right, you will know

No, the time will be right when you stop being so shy. God doesn't seem to interfere or take your hand and pull you along, you have to do it yourself.

It's like, how many times does someone get a good job they have never applied for? Never?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ed, I trust God and His timing.

It doesn't mean being shy.

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ed, I trust God and His timing.

It doesn't mean being shy.

God's Timing?

Henry's house was in the middle of rising waters during a sudden Spring thaw and heavy rainfall.

He looked out and saw that the water was rising and he was surrounded by fast moving flood waters.

"Lord, SAVE ME" he implored.

A little while later, a man rowed up in a small boat, and invited Henry to join him, and help him row to higher ground.

Henry said, "No, God will save me!" and the boater rowed away.

The water kept rising, and Henry had to climb up to the second floor of his house, where he could climb out onto his porch roof.

Then two people paddled up in a canoe, and offered Henry a ride.

"No, thanks, God will save me!" Henry said. They paddled away.

Then Henry had to climb up from the porch roof onto the roof over his attic.

He was spotted there by a pilot in a helicopter, who flew close to pick him up.

Again, Henry declined, shouting (helicopters are pretty loud), "GOD WILL SAVE ME!"

Offer rejected, the helicopter flew away.

Well, of course, the water kept rising, Henry's house fell apart in the current, and Henry drowned.

At the Pearly Gates, Henry was complaining that he'd been devoutly religious all is life, and he had been SURE God would have saved him!

So then God appeared to tell Henry ...

Spoiler: I sent you a small boat, then a canoe, then a rescue helicopter. What more could you possibly have expected? All you had to do to be saved was say "Thank you!" and get into any one of those rescue craft. Why would you possibly expect ME to do that for you?

Tell your daughters that while God may provide, they still have to say something to the guy they're interested in. God won't say it for them.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ed, I'm not going to defend God to you.

I don't have to.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And don't worry about my daughter.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I love that joke, ed.

It makes a valid point.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Cheerios4606 wrote:
I have heard so often that guys appreciate a gal who steps up. I think she should go for it.

If he's THAT busy, I think he would appreciate some "fun" time.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

perhaps she could ask his parents for his email address. She isn't a stranger. She could write him a nice note as suggested above.

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ed, I'm not going to defend God to you.

I don't have to.

I would never ask anyone to "defend God".

I'm suggesting that you reconsider the concept of "free will", and maybe encourage your daughters to apply it instead of just waiting for God to send them a guy who will make the first move.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I would suggest that the OP become busy herself. Maybe she could get a job, involve herself in extra curriculars, etc and become the kind of "too busy" person that is attractive to others. If she is sitting back and not making the most of her time, she might not be the kind of person that the busy guy is attracted to. Plus the more she is involved in, the greater chance of her meeting someone with similar interests.

And, as someone who had their first date with the person I would eventually marry by making the first move, I highly recommend being honest with the guy and mentioning she is interested.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Sunday 6th of March 2016 04:09:29 PM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

ed11563 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ed, I'm not going to defend God to you.

I don't have to.

I would never ask anyone to "defend God".

I'm suggesting that you reconsider the concept of "free will", and maybe encourage your daughters to apply it instead of just waiting for God to send them a guy who will make the first move.

Don't worry about my daughter.

She is absolutely NONE of your concern.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Oh, Lily, get a grip.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Why wouldn't it be God's will to ask him out for coffee? I don't get it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Why wouldn't it be God's will to ask him out for coffee? I don't get it.

It may be.

But if he is so busy he isn't coming to church, the one place she knows him from, then he is probably too busy for a relationship right now.

If she has no other means of contacting him, then how, exactly, is she going to ask him?

It doesn't sound like he has shown any interest in her at all.

So. Just live your life, work on becoming all you want to become in life, and when the time is right, he will become more available.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And for the record, I'm all for speaking up, making the first move.

I've never been a wallflower.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Huh? She's 18. I don't think she is thinking of marriage. You seem to be leaping pretty far ahead. Hey wanna get some coffee . Sheesh.

Lindley · Guru

You never know when and where you will meet the right one... I met my husband when I was 18 and we were both working at a pre-school, my daughter met her husband in a coffee shop in Thailand and my husband and I met my son's future wife while we were on vacation. She should invite him out for coffee...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah. And maybe it doesn't go anywhere till years later and they meet up by chance.

Lindley · Guru

Could be, but she will not find out till she ask him for coffee. The worst that could happen is that they would become friends and of course the best is if they hit it off.

huskerbb · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Could be, but she will not find out till she ask him for coffee. The worst that could happen is that they would become friends and of course the best is if they hit it off.

No--the worst that could happen is that he could really shoot her down and crush her because he doesn't feel the same way.

Now, that said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. There's only one way to find out.

Lindley · Guru

Well I was going in on the opinion that the boy is a decent guy and she was realistic.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She should ask him out for coffee. Then they can get close, have sex, she can get pregnant, have an abortion, write Dear Prudie about it, and we can talk about her again.

huskerbb · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Well I was going in on the opinion that the boy is a decent guy and she was realistic.

He might be a decent guy--but people with crushes tend not to be realistic.

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ed, I'm not going to defend God to you.

I don't have to.

I would never ask anyone to "defend God".

I'm suggesting that you reconsider the concept of "free will", and maybe encourage your daughters to apply it instead of just waiting for God to send them a guy who will make the first move.

Don't worry about my daughter.
She is absolutely NONE of your concern.

Just to be clear,

YOU drew the parallel between your daughter and the letter writer.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

"...he's so busy with work and school that I never see him, not even on Sundays. It's upsetting."

This is a boy she is fantasizing about.

He is in his 2nd year of college.

That makes him somewhere between 20 and 30.

She is most likely not even on his radar.

She needs to focus on school, work, and friends.

ed11563 · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She should ask him out for coffee. Then they can get close, have sex, she can get pregnant, have an abortion, write Dear Prudie about it, and we can talk about her again.

I like it. When's the movie coming out?

huskerbb · Guru

Second year of college probably means he's 19 or 20.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

ed11563 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ed, I'm not going to defend God to you.

I don't have to.

I would never ask anyone to "defend God".

I'm suggesting that you reconsider the concept of "free will", and maybe encourage your daughters to apply it instead of just waiting for God to send them a guy who will make the first move.

Don't worry about my daughter.
She is absolutely NONE of your concern.

Just to be clear,
YOU drew the parallel between your daughter and the letter writer.

Actually no, I didnt.

I said that was the advice I gave my kids.

You specified daughter.

And then attempted to mock my beliefs and advice.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
Second year of college probably means he's 19 or 20.

Depends on a lot of things.

Point is, she most likely isn't a thought in his head and she shouldn't "upset" over this.

Sounds like she has some maturing to do.

Lindley · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She should ask him out for coffee. Then they can get close, have sex, she can get pregnant, have an abortion, write Dear Prudie about it, and we can talk about her again.

biggrin

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Second year of college probably means he's 19 or 20.
Depends on a lot of things.
Point is, she most likely isn't a thought in his head and she shouldn't "upset" over this.
Sounds like she has some maturing to do.

She describes him as a "boy" and says they are good friends. True or not, it's HIGHLY unlikely that he is far outside of her peer group.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I'd say if she has no other contact with him other than church, the church he isn't even attending at the moment, she isn't in any of his "groups".

huskerbb · Guru

Wow. Talk about missing the point.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I'm not missing the point.

You assume he is 19 to 20.

But people of all ages are in the second year of college.

MY point is, she apparently isn't mature enough to be in a relationship right now.

She has no real connection with him but is upset.

My point is, he don't know who you are chick.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I'm not missing the point.

You assume he is 19 to 20.

But people of all ages are in the second year of college.

MY point is, she apparently isn't mature enough to be in a relationship right now.

She has no real connection with him but is upset.

My point is, he don't know who you are chick.

You are being ridiculous. He's not some 30 year old guy. She knows him--even if she is inflating their friendship in her mind.

She describes him as a "boy". You don't describe some 30 year old dude that way.

He undoubtedly knows who she is--although that doesn't mean they are necessarily the "friends" she thinks they are or that he would be interested in a relationship.

But--how is she to truly know unless she asks? How do you know that God didn't put them in that same church for them to meet?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Well, she isn't seeing him in church now. She says herself he isn't coming on Sundays because he is so busy.

And I don't know how big the church is. Based on my experience, it is possible to go to the same church with someone and never know them more than where they sit.

I said he could any age. Doesn't mean any one age.

But I don't consider a 20 year old a boy.

That's a young man.

Even her vocabulary is immature.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Well, she isn't seeing him in church now. She says herself he isn't coming on Sundays because he is so busy.

And I don't know how big the church is. Based on my experience, it is possible to go to the same church with someone and never know them more than where they sit.

I said he could any age. Doesn't mean any one age.

But I don't consider a 20 year old a boy.

That's a young man.

Even her vocabulary is immature.

But that's what makes it more likely that he is within a few years of her age and not much older. VASTLY more likely.

huskerbb · Guru

Also, you keep harping on whether or not she is "mature". She's 18. She's not. That's not even an issue. Who cares if she is "mature" or not?

That doesn't mean 18 year olds can't or shouldn't ever date anyone. That's absurd.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She's 18!!! She's allowed to have a date. Wow Lilly.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

She says they are already good friends, if he was interested he would have already said something.

Take the hint honey, you are friends and that's it for now. Move on with your life and quit wishing for something that isn't there.

huskerbb · Guru

Maybe--or he might be very shy, also, so he hasn't asked.

I do think the probability here is that he isn't interested--but I don't think she'll get over this unless she finds out, for sure.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Who says she can't date????

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Who says she can't date????

You don't seem to be very keen on the idea.

Divine Geek · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Well, she isn't seeing him in church now. She says herself he isn't coming on Sundays because he is so busy.

And I don't know how big the church is. Based on my experience, it is possible to go to the same church with someone and never know them more than where they sit.

I said he could any age. Doesn't mean any one age.

But I don't consider a 20 year old a boy.

That's a young man.

Even her vocabulary is immature.

A) just because she does not see him, does NOT mean he is not going to church. He could be going to a different service that better fits into his busy schedule.

B) to some people, a 20-year-old is a boy to some people. Doesn't make the person saying it immature. I have a 23 yo coworker I call a boy, anyone under 30 is a boy to me. Guess I'm immature, oh well.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I thought I was the only person who called grown adults younger than me boys and girls.