DEAR ABBY: I am deathly afraid of snakes! My daughter, who lives in Canada, recently informed me that they had acquired one through a teacher at my grandsons' school. Of course, the three boys are thrilled.
My problem is, we are going to visit my daughter and her family in a few weeks. I am terrified to the point of losing sleep and breaking down crying just thinking about it. What should I do? I want to see my family, but there is no house big enough for me AND a snake. Please help. --TERRIFIED IN CYPRESS, TEXAS
DEAR TERRIFIED: If you were planning to stay at your daughter's, scale back your plans and reserve a room at a nearby hotel or motel. This will give you eight or 10 hours a day nowhere near the reptile. If your daughter is unaware of your phobia, put her on notice that the snake is to be confined to its cage in a room with a firmly closed door while you are in the house -- and further, you do not wish to make its acquaintance.
Talk to your doctor before you go and ask for enough anti-anxiety medication to calm your nerves while you are there. Then go and have a good time.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I agree she should stay in a hotel. But, if you won't take your elderly mother's feelings into consideration, who's will you consider? I would see if my sons could find a snake babysitter. I would want my mom to be comfortable.
My SIL is afraid of dogs. So, when they visited, i would either take the dog to the kennel or I would keep her in another part of the house. I think that it is important to consider the comfort of others.
Well I hate snakes, but if they are in their habitats, I can deal.
I avoid that section of the pet store.
But again, figure it out.
I bet if she stays at a hotel, the kids would LOVE to come spend a day swimming. Sans snake.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Well I hate snakes, but if they are in their habitats, I can deal.
I avoid that section of the pet store.
But again, figure it out.
I bet if she stays at a hotel, the kids would LOVE to come spend a day swimming. Sans snake.
Well, yes. And we often stayed in hotels when visiting my sis. Then her daughter and our kids got to spend the day at the hotel pool. It was a lot of fun. But you have to understand that someone who has a severe fear of snakes ins't going to relax and just suck it up. And, I think the advice to go get medicated was wrong as well. How about put someone else's needs above your own?
If this were the other way around, daughter and kids coming to mom's and mom had a snake and one of them had the fear, the advice would be "it's mom's house, don't like it, stay in a hotel".
Or "if they can't afford a hotel, they shouldn't be going".
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Who cares what the advice is the 'other way around"? I would do that for my mother. If you wouldn't give that same consideration to her, then I dont' know what to tell ya.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
But relocating a pet to another house? (And I hate snakes)
Yes, tell daughter you don't want to see the snake at all but to have to find a snake sitter?
If you are that afraid, stay in a hotel.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Want me to remove the pet from my house for your week long visit? No.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Well, if that's how you choose to operate in life, then have it. My mother is more important to me than a pet snake, and i would want to make sure she is comfortable in my own home.
Oh, and BTW, my sis and husband don't like dogs. They have allergies. Our dog is nonshedding. However, I did a deep clean of the house and sent my dog to the kennel while she visited. I didn't have too. I choose too. Again, if you don't, then don't. But, i care about the comfort of people visiting me, rather than a Like it or Lump it, suck it up type attitude.
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
Exactly.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
However, I, as a guest, would not expect a homeowner to remove their pet from the property.
And why does any of these people stay in another's home?
Maybe I'm just not accustomed to that.
Everyone I know, except for my brother and his kids, stays in a hotel.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I know some folks where being in the same house with a snake, regardless of whether it is locked up tightly, would never be enough for them. One friend described an incident where she screamed bloody murder running out of the house and left quaking and shuddering in her car parked on the street. And this was just being told there was a snake in its abode in an upstairs bedroom.
A hotel room is great, if you can afford it, but I would not be surprised if this was simply not enough for grandma.
"Grandma" could be my mother. She is afraid of snakes & lizards. My brother has a bearded lizard. She psyches herself up to ignore it when she's staying there. The first time was hard for her, but it's gotten easier over the years. I think now she'd rather the lizard be there than my SIL.
Not signing up for either snake or hamster sitting. Hate em both. But as long as they're in their cages I'm fine. Don't ask me to hold them though. And please don't bring it out and shove it in my face and tell me how cute it is.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
I don't really understand this thinking. Why doesn't a parent have to be considerate of their grown child's feelings? I'm not talking about a 90 year old parent with dementia, I mean like a 75 year old parent who still has their brain function, etc.
I would not dump my pet off at a kennel because someone didn't like it. They live here, you don’t. Allergies are much different, and I would work to accommodate that, but likely, if I was ever in that situation, I would offer to pay for the hotel.myself if I thought it would be a hardship.
But just because your afraid of my cat? No, sorry, either you trust me and my household enough, or you don’t. The cat stays.
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
I don't really understand this thinking. Why doesn't a parent have to be considerate of their grown child's feelings? I'm not talking about a 90 year old parent with dementia, I mean like a 75 year old parent who still has their brain function, etc.
My mother is 67. And DEATHLY afraid of cats. She always has been. So when she comes over, I put my cats upstairs. I care far more for my family than i do animals. People take precedent over animals. Every single time.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
I don't really understand this thinking. Why doesn't a parent have to be considerate of their grown child's feelings? I'm not talking about a 90 year old parent with dementia, I mean like a 75 year old parent who still has their brain function, etc.
My mother is 67. And DEATHLY afraid of cats. She always has been. So when she comes over, I put my cats upstairs. I care far more for my family than i do animals. People take precedent over animals. Every single time.
I know, I agree that people come before animals. What I was asking was, why shouldn't parents of adult children have the same consideration for their kids feelings as the kid is supposed to have for the parent? It sounds like Lady Gaga is saying that an adult child should put a pet in another room for their parent (which I agree they should), but a parent doesn't have to do the same for their adult child. Why not???
No. Actually it doesn't. There are considerations you give to elders Lilly. The Bible says "do not despise thy mother when she is old" and so forth. There are a lot of things that apply one way from parent to child and a different way from child to parent.
I don't really understand this thinking. Why doesn't a parent have to be considerate of their grown child's feelings? I'm not talking about a 90 year old parent with dementia, I mean like a 75 year old parent who still has their brain function, etc.
My mother is 67. And DEATHLY afraid of cats. She always has been. So when she comes over, I put my cats upstairs. I care far more for my family than i do animals. People take precedent over animals. Every single time.
I know, I agree that people come before animals. What I was asking was, why shouldn't parents of adult children have the same consideration for their kids feelings as the kid is supposed to have for the parent? It sounds like Lady Gaga is saying that an adult child should put a pet in another room for their parent (which I agree they should), but a parent doesn't have to do the same for their adult child. Why not???
That actually IS not what I said at all. However there are times where things flow in one direction and not the other and vice versa. There are times you accomodate or not. It depends on the situation. In this situation, i really don't see why sending a snake off packing for a couple of days for your own mother is a big deal.