DEAR ABBY: I need some relationship advice. How do you handle household expenses with a partner?
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 10 years. In all this time, he has never once split any of the expenses with me. I pay for everything. He does buy groceries, although not all of them. He also helps around the house and with my daughter.
If I bring up the issue of sharing expenses, it turns into a fight. He says he's "sorry" he doesn't make enough money. Then he says all that matters to me is money and threatens to move out.
I feel completely taken advantage of because he DOES have the money to make $300-plus monthly payments for his new boat that's sitting in my garage. To me it's all about priorities. I would like a new car, but I have other monthly bills to pay.
Is it just me, or is this unfair? -- UP TO HERE WITH IT IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR UP TO HERE: It's not just you. You have been carrying the lion's share of the load. But unless you are finally ready to insist upon a new arrangement with this man -- who has had it pretty good for the last 10 YEARS -- nothing will change.
It's time to ask yourself whether what he does contribute -- on every level -- is enough to satisfy you. If it isn't, be prepared to tell him you need to find an equal partner, and if he's unwilling to be that person, he should move.
Every couple has a different arrangement for things like this. She says he helps around the house, does that mean he does all of it? Is he a STAH partner that cooks and cleans and watches the kid while she's at work and such? He buys groceries, just not 'all' the groceries, what does than mean? Does that mean he is the primary shopper?
If so, then she needs to calm down a bit, and reevaluate how big of a deal this is.
If not, kick his butt to the curb, ten years overdue.
This girl is insane. I live with by SO and it was decided before we moved in who pays what. As for the 10 years and no ring, my relationship would probably end with a proposal right now. In a few years MAYBE, but fortunately we are on the same page about it.
It helps too that if we did break up either one of us could pay the bills on one income so no pressure to stay together for that.
If he can't support himself (which would include paying his half of the living expenses, at the very least), he's not much of a man in my book. I hereby revoke his "Man Card".
