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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: Should I Tell my Boss I am Depressed?
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Prudie: Should I Tell my Boss I am Depressed?
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Q. Depression and work performance: I am a high-performing individual at my workplace who also suffers from clinical depression and anxiety. I’ve discussed the basic issues with my boss, who seems vaguely supportive without truly understanding—she’s stated that I should do what I need to do for myself without really seeming to understand that sometimes I just can’t bear to come into work because of these illnesses. This year has been challenging so far, and I’ve taken four sick days this year where I’ve supplied other excuses for not being at work. Do I owe it to my boss/company to tell them why I’m really not there? This is a fairly progressive company, but I still fear backlash and prejudice because these are mental vs. physical illnesses.

A: If you work in an office with more than 15 employees and your productivity is affected by your clinical depression (which it sounds like it is), you are covered by the Americans With Disabilities Act. Your employer is required to make “reasonable accommodation” for you, including “schedules which incorporate flex-time … time off for scheduled medical appointments or support groups ... physical arrangements … and joint meetings between the employer, supervisor, and job coach or other employment service providers.” It sounds like your boss is well-meaning but may not have a clear understanding of your condition and what particular needs you might have. I also understand your reluctance to share the specifics of your mental health issues with her, as many people unfamiliar with clinical depression have a vague sense to confuse it with absenteeism or an unwillingness to just “suck it up,” rather than a diagnosable, serious condition that affects brain chemistry.

Since your boss has expressed support for you, however blandly, and you describe your company as progressive, I think it’s worth having a conversation with her and perhaps a member of HR to discuss your needs. Do so gently; frame this as something you need in order to perform your job to the best of your ability, which you want very much to do. I don’t think you should discuss your previous sick days: I understand the stigma against discussing mental health at work and why you felt the need to disguise the reason for your absence, but it’s possible your boss would not hear “I’m so afraid of admitting I need help with my depression that I had to describe it as a physical illness to make sure it would be taken seriously,” but “I’ve told casual lies about not being in the office.” I understand disclosing further specifics of depression is a risky move, but I think you’re in a reasonably safe position to ask for support. I hope you get it.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2016/02/dear_prudence_should_i_tell_the_office_i_miss_work_because_of_clinical_depression.html



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lilyofcourse


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Well. If you have a mental illness, and you call out because of it, you're taking a sick day.



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flan327


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Physical illness does not have the stigma attached to it.

flan

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Nobody Just Nobody


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People with disabilities suffer a lot in the work place. If you take off too much they won't fire you for having a disability. They'll find something else to fire you over. Some thing they can hunt up. I worked with a lady with cancer and she was going through chemo and radiation. It took it's toll on her and she ended up being too exhausted to come in on the days she had treatment. She applied for FMLA. They fired her before she could. For eating a cookie from the kitchen. No one else was fired for eating the cookies that the kitchen offered. Only her.

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weltschmerz


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

People with disabilities suffer a lot in the work place. If you take off too much they won't fire you for having a disability. They'll find something else to fire you over. Some thing they can hunt up. I worked with a lady with cancer and she was going through chemo and radiation. It took it's toll on her and she ended up being too exhausted to come in on the days she had treatment. She applied for FMLA. They fired her before she could. For eating a cookie from the kitchen. No one else was fired for eating the cookies that the kitchen offered. Only her.

My friend Daniel had full-blown AIDS, but still dragged himself in to work every day.

He didn't want to sit home feeling sorry for himself. 

The hospital was VERY accommodating re his meds, treatment and doctors' appointments.

He worked right up to the very end.

RIP, my friend. You're still missed.



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flan327


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weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

People with disabilities suffer a lot in the work place. If you take off too much they won't fire you for having a disability. They'll find something else to fire you over. Some thing they can hunt up. I worked with a lady with cancer and she was going through chemo and radiation. It took it's toll on her and she ended up being too exhausted to come in on the days she had treatment. She applied for FMLA. They fired her before she could. For eating a cookie from the kitchen. No one else was fired for eating the cookies that the kitchen offered. Only her.

My friend Daniel had full-blown AIDS, but still dragged himself in to work every day.

He didn't want to sit home feeling sorry for himself. 

The hospital was VERY accommodating re his meds, treatment and doctors' appointments.

He worked right up to the very end.

RIP, my friend. You're still missed.

 Thanks for sharing that story.

flan



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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If the LW is high preforming then I would say to keep that info personal. And go see a therapist and get help but keep it your own business.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

If the LW is high preforming then I would say to keep that info personal. And go see a therapist and get help but keep it your own business.

 Yep



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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

People with disabilities suffer a lot in the work place. If you take off too much they won't fire you for having a disability. They'll find something else to fire you over. Some thing they can hunt up. I worked with a lady with cancer and she was going through chemo and radiation. It took it's toll on her and she ended up being too exhausted to come in on the days she had treatment. She applied for FMLA. They fired her before she could. For eating a cookie from the kitchen. No one else was fired for eating the cookies that the kitchen offered. Only her.

 Well she wasn't able to perform her job.  And FMLA is 12 weeks which probably didn't cover the time she needed.  I am ignoring the cookie thing because I highly doubt any employer would put that down as a reason for being fired,  that just exposes them to a lawsuit.  Most states are employment at will states and they do not need to state a reason for firing.  It does suck for someone to be sick and lose their jobs.  Most employers, if you are a loyal employee, won't fire you but they can't pay you for all the time you need off.  Perhaps she couldn't afford to take time off without pay and so dragged herself into work for the paycheck but couldn't perform.



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lilyofcourse


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I know when I was at my lowest, making, no forcing my self to continue daily activities helped.

It's easy to do nothing.

Always keep fighting.



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Nobody Just Nobody


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

People with disabilities suffer a lot in the work place. If you take off too much they won't fire you for having a disability. They'll find something else to fire you over. Some thing they can hunt up. I worked with a lady with cancer and she was going through chemo and radiation. It took it's toll on her and she ended up being too exhausted to come in on the days she had treatment. She applied for FMLA. They fired her before she could. For eating a cookie from the kitchen. No one else was fired for eating the cookies that the kitchen offered. Only her.

 Well she wasn't able to perform her job.  And FMLA is 12 weeks which probably didn't cover the time she needed.  I am ignoring the cookie thing because I highly doubt any employer would put that down as a reason for being fired,  that just exposes them to a lawsuit.  Most states are employment at will states and they do not need to state a reason for firing.  It does suck for someone to be sick and lose their jobs.  Most employers, if you are a loyal employee, won't fire you but they can't pay you for all the time you need off.  Perhaps she couldn't afford to take time off without pay and so dragged herself into work for the paycheck but couldn't perform.

 Well, don't believe me.  She was one of our best workers and I always loved having her as my aide.  You knew she would get the job done.  Yes, it's 12 weeks but the way it was set up was that she would work on a part time schedule on the days that she did not have treatment.  And yes, they did fire her over eating a cookie.  They called it stealing even though the kitchen gave it to her.  There are some really nasty places of business out there.  Especially in nursing.



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