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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Amy: Daughter Wants Help Paying for Tattoos
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Amy: Daughter Wants Help Paying for Tattoos
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Dear Amy: Our daughter is a bright, talented 19-year-old who has already gotten four small tattoos, several ear piercings, and a nose ring. You know — the usual. She has now told us about her next piece, an elbow-to-shoulder full-color floral arrangement. She says she is planning to start gauging her ears and was considering a dermal implant near her collarbone.

My husband and I pay for her college tuition and housing, and we give her a generous monthly allowance for food and gas. She also has a part-time minimum-wage job. We told her that we felt that someone who could pay for these body modifications was saying that she had no need for extra funds, so if she proceeded, we would stop the allowance. We would still pay for college and housing.

She expressed her hurt that we would withhold that money in an attempt to control her actions. We expressed our frustration with the permanent changes she was considering at a young age. We are asking her to wait till she’s 21 and working so that this doesn’t affect her ability to get a job. I really do hate threatening to stop the extra money, but I felt it was a natural consequence of making adult decisions.

Are we being too harsh? Where does the parental guidance end and the self-expression begin? Six months ago she wanted us to co-sign for an apartment so she could leave student housing and move in with her boyfriend. We refused that too. —Only Slightly Old-Fashioned Mom 

635910062648794160-ThinkstockPhotos-78568697.jpg

DETROIT FREE PRESS

She struggles not to judge niece for growing tattoo collection

Dear Mom: You are not trying to control your daughter’s actions — I hope. You are simply trying to make the best possible investment, as well as introduce her to the concept of natural consequences. You are not docking her pay to punish her. You are saying, “We will pay for this — you can pay for that.” I assume that if your daughter chose to use your subsidy to purchase a video gaming system, you might feel exactly the same way. Imagine how much more meaningful her tat-sleeve will be to her when she has saved up the money for it.

Otherwise, I don’t think you should weigh in at all on her body modification choices. It’s her body.

 

http://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2016/03/17/ask-amy-tattoo-teen-parenting/81509582/



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Um, no. My son wanted to get a tattoo. I said, if you have money to burn on tattoos, then you apparently dont' need my financial help because there is no way i am going to subsidize your life if that is what you are doing. I don't care if he gets them or not. You just aren't going to do it on my nickel when i am paying room, board, and tuition.

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TrudyML


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Agreed.

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Me too

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Oh noooo! She expressed "hurt". Wah, wah, wah!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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And she wanted them to cosign for an apt so she could shack up with the flavor of the month. Time to teach Little Miss Entitled that life doesn't owe you a free ride.

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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Oh noooo! She expressed "hurt". Wah, wah, wah!

 Gaga - has it somehow escaped your notice that the quotes aren't working?  



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Yep. If you have money to burn on stuff like this, you don't need my money. Sorry.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Oh noooo! She expressed "hurt". Wah, wah, wah!

 Gaga - has it somehow escaped your notice that the quotes aren't working?  

 I didn't put that in quotes.  It just does that on it's own.



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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Oh noooo! She expressed "hurt". Wah, wah, wah!

 Gaga - has it somehow escaped your notice that the quotes aren't working?  

 I didn't put that in quotes.  It just does that on it's own.

 It's just randomly putting that in your sentences?  Odd.  

 

Let's do a little test here.  I'll put "quotes" on this sentence. 

 

I won't put quotes on this sentence.  



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LawyerLady

 

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Huh. My quotes are working. It must be something with your phone.

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LawyerLady

 

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I am not on my phone, i am on my laptop. And, i have seen that with other posters. It is just randomly putting that in.

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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I am not on my phone, i am on my laptop. And, i have seen that with other posters. It is just randomly putting that in.

 Well, it seems odd that the computer knows which parts of the sentence would likely be put in quotes.  I hope Skynet isn't getting ready to blow us up.



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LawyerLady

 

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Bwaahhh! Yeah, i mean it seems to put into quotes something that you might want to quote! AI! The computer is learning and will soon overtake us! Come with me if you want to live!

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lilyofcourse


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Caitlyn now has a tattoo. I'm not thrilled with it but it was her money and she is 21.

If the daughter wants something like that, pay for it yourself.



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Lexxy


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I agree with everyone. I so hate ear gauges. They really make me want to gag. And there is no going back from that. Ick.

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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I am not on my phone, i am on my laptop. And, i have seen that with other posters. It is just randomly putting that in.

 For me, it only does it when I actually USE quotes or the ampersand.

What are you smoking, Hon? LOL

flan



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flan327


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Lexxy wrote:

I agree with everyone. I so hate ear gauges. They really make me want to gag. And there is no going back from that. Ick.

 Actually, it depends on how big the gauges are. DS2 started and, somehow, I managed to keep my mouth shut. His lobes look fine now. (I forget how long he had them in...that's probably a factor too.)

flan



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Lexxy


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flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

I agree with everyone. I so hate ear gauges. They really make me want to gag. And there is no going back from that. Ick.

 Actually, it depends on how big the gauges are. DS2 started and, somehow, I managed to keep my mouth shut. His lobes look fine now. (I forget how long he had them in...that's probably a factor too.)

flan

 I'm sure if they stop early it will recover but I'm talking about like the bounty hunter on Survivor.  His lobes are all floppy & disgusting.



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flan327


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Lexxy wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

I agree with everyone. I so hate ear gauges. They really make me want to gag. And there is no going back from that. Ick.

 Actually, it depends on how big the gauges are. DS2 started and, somehow, I managed to keep my mouth shut. His lobes look fine now. (I forget how long he had them in...that's probably a factor too.)

flan

 I'm sure if they stop early it will recover but I'm talking about like the bounty hunter on Survivor.  His lobes are all floppy & disgusting.

 I was just going to mention him! LOL

Otherwise, I don't mind him.

flan



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Lindley


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I'm so glad my son wasn't into tattoos or piercings even while he was working show production or in a band.. he said he was the one who was unique and different in the band.



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Lexxy


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Lindley wrote:

I'm so glad my son wasn't into tattoos or piercings even while he was working show production or in a band.. he said he was the one who was unique and different in the band.

 thumbsup.gif



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flan327


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If you had asked me when I was 30 (or even 40!), if I would ever get a tattoo, I would have laughed in your face.

flan

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Nobody Just Nobody


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I don't even try to control the behavior of adult children. But I won't support bad decisions either. If you want a tattoo you're not getting one if you live under my roof. DN got one on her wrist when she wasn't living here. It's a small pretty cross. I hate where it is though. She once lost a job because of having a visible tattoo.

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just Czech


Give Me Grand's!

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She can pay for it herself. Get a job sweetie.

What an entitled brat, but look who made her that way.

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I'm not going to pay for that stuff.

But if that's the worse they do, they have to live with it.

Picking battles is what keeps my sanity.



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If the allowance is for food and gas, exclusively, then I see their point. If it's for whatever you need or want then I wouldn't see their point. According to the letter it's for the first one.

If she wants Tattoo-Mon-Ee, she needs to get a J-O-B.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Even if i didn't specify, I would still expect that money isn't not being used for stupid, frivolous nonsense. Yeah, here's your allowance. I wouldnt necessarily just say food and gas. There are other costs to living. Like buying toilet paper, shampoo, personal care products, etc. I would expect my child to be reasonable about what they are purchasing and I would understand there are things that don't fit in the food and gas category. But a tattoo is just frivolous.

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Lawyerlady


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Even if i didn't specify, I would still expect that money isn't not being used for stupid, frivolous nonsense. Yeah, here's your allowance. I wouldnt necessarily just say food and gas. There are other costs to living. Like buying toilet paper, shampoo, personal care products, etc. I would expect my child to be reasonable about what they are purchasing and I would understand there are things that don't fit in the food and gas category. But a tattoo is just frivolous.

 And I wouldn't begrudge the occasional trip to the movies, either.  But a ten dollar movie ticket is different than a $200 tattoo.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Exactly.

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huskerbb


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Sounds like daughter is one of those dippy millennialis that thinks she can do whatever and there aren't any consequences.

Doing that stupid thing with her ears pretty much means her future career will include the phrase "you want fries with that", or "do you want a private dance."



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TrudyML


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huskerbb wrote:

Sounds like daughter is one of those dippy millennialis that thinks she can do whatever and there aren't any consequences.

Doing that stupid thing with her ears pretty much means her future career will include the phrase "you want fries with that", or "do you want a private dance."

Or perhaps no words just sticking her chest out on the pole! 



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chef


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Gauged ears are gross looking. A lot of body mods are gross looking. Like the one where they put a hole between their lower lip and chin. Blech!

I'm in the 'if you want it, you have to use your own money' camp. However, I sincerely hope that DS stays far away from tattoos and body mods.

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