Dear Amy: My boyfriend has three grown kids. I have a young son, and my boyfriend and I recently had a child together.
I knew he had custody of his children when they were young, so I assumed he was a great and caring father, but then I learned his children had rooms at his parents’ house and his parents “watched” them most of the time.
He spoke of coaching sports and of being a scout leader. These things made me think he was an involved parent.
We have lived together for a few years and he has been less than the ideal father to my child. I thought this was because he wasn’t my son’s biological father. When I became pregnant with our child, he seemed happy but rarely talked about it. People dismissed this as normal for a man.
He ignores the children. He will bathe or dress them, change diapers, etc., if I ask him to. But he is always looking at a computer screen or TV. He doesn’t talk to the kids much. He gives the impression that he is only doing these things for me and it’s an uninteresting chore for him. But he doesn’t complain out loud and is never abusive.
I feel like he is very selfish and uncaring. I fear he is not bonding with the kids and I worry about how this will affect them. My child already has learned not to expect much from him.
I want him to change, but when I encourage him to play with the baby or talk to her he gets angry and tells me that he does talk to her.
I grew up without a father in my life, so I question what a father should do
First of all, dont' have kids with men you aren't married too and havent' fully vetted before marrying. And, she didn't seem to know much about how he interacted with his multiple other children before having one with him. Dumb dumb.
And just because he doesn't pay as much attention to them as she'd like doesn't mean he is ignoring them. She may have higher than reasonable expectations.
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LawyerLady
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