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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dad Is Disturbed by His Ex's Revolving Door Relationships
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DEAR ABBY: I was in a six-year relationship with a woman. We shared a home and have a child together, whom I support. She has primary custody, and I provide financial support and exercise my visitations regularly.

We broke up six months ago and she immediately moved a man into the house. Since they split up, she has done this again with a new person.

I have moved on and am content being single and focusing on my career and parenting my son when he's with me. Where I struggle is when these new men want to meet me. I don't feel obligated to shake their hands, be polite and friendly or be a supportive, smiling face.

I'm disturbed by the speed she moves into other relationships. I feel like it sets a bad example for my son regardless of how "nice" these men are. There is no record of abuse, and I do believe my ex is a good mother, just maybe lonely and very dependent on having companionship.

I understand life goes on and people move on, but at what point is this unhealthy? Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with my ex and her new "guy friend" whenever she decides she should be accompanied for custody exchange? I refuse to speak to or acknowledge these men. I am not confrontational, but I literally have nothing to say. Any advice how to handle this moving forward? -- FAKING SMILES

DEAR FAKING SMILES: I subscribe to the philosophy that one can never have enough friends. You don't have to approve of your ex's boyfriends, but it is in your child's best interest to maintain a relationship that approximates cordiality. It won't hurt you to shake hands and be on a first-name basis with the men who occupy space in your son's life even temporarily. When we can't change something, sometimes we have to accept it -- and that's what you would be wise to do.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2016/3/18/dad-is-disturbed-by-his-exs

 



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Lawyerlady


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See, if he'd gotten married, he could have had a paramour clause in the divorce papers. Don't bother to get married? Sorry, dude, your opinion means nothing.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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He doesn't have to be best friends with these men. Or, even be anything but cordial. However they are going to be around and influencing your child, so it would make sense to get to know them a little bit and be on speaking terms.

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NAOW


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Lawyerlady wrote:

See, if he'd gotten married, he could have had a paramour clause in the divorce papers. Don't bother to get married? Sorry, dude, your opinion means nothing.

 Couldn't he still go to court for a formal custody agreement and get it put in there?



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The mother is making a huge mistake by having a revolving door of guys going in and out of the child's life. She really needs to keep her social life to only times when the child is not around. If she meets someone and the relationship lasts at least 6 months AND it looks as though it will end up as a stable relationship, then introduce the kid.

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lilyofcourse


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All he can control is his example.

He is setting a bad example for his son.

He doesn't have to be anything but polite.




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Lawyerlady


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NAOW wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

See, if he'd gotten married, he could have had a paramour clause in the divorce papers. Don't bother to get married? Sorry, dude, your opinion means nothing.

 Couldn't he still go to court for a formal custody agreement and get it put in there?

 That would be very, very difficult, if not impossible.  They have no legal agreement, and moving guys in is not illegal.  If one of the men was abusive, he could maybe do something about that guy, but he doesn't get any say over her dating habits.



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Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

See, if he'd gotten married, he could have had a paramour clause in the divorce papers. Don't bother to get married? Sorry, dude, your opinion means nothing.

 Couldn't he still go to court for a formal custody agreement and get it put in there?

 That would be very, very difficult, if not impossible.  They have no legal agreement, and moving guys in is not illegal.  If one of the men was abusive, he could maybe do something about that guy, but he doesn't get any say over her dating habits.

 LL is right.  If they had been married then he could have put the paramour clause in their papers.  It's very very common here.  My SIL had one put in her papers and she had it enforced.  Even when her ex was with a girl for five years she still enforced it.  They finally got married and she couldn't do anything then. 

The other thing is that as wrong as she is for doing this he needs to suck it up and be cordial.  His son is going to see how he acts and model that.  When his son gets older he might choose to come live with dad if he gets tired of an endless barrage of men.  Another thing is if he is nice to his ex he will go further than if he starts complaining.  We pretty much get my SS any time we ask because we choose our battles carefully and have learned to get along.  Dad could find himself with very little leeway in seeing his son if he complains too much.



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Lindley


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I wish that if people can't make a commitment to each other don't have children. I do know accidents happen but if he married her he may have some say about how his child is raised. I fee sorry for the child having different men in his life. I understand her wanting to date but when you become a parent the little guy's needs comes first.

I agree that the father should get to know the new boyfriend for the sake of his son and be a active father in his life.

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