DEAR ABBY: I am a young man who is currently in college. When I was an infant I was circumcised, and I feel violated that my parents decided to circumcise me without my consent. When the doctor performed the surgery, he took too much off, which causes me pain.
When I was in grade school, I was sexually assaulted by an older classmate, but I feel much more violated from the circumcision because it took a part of me that I can never get back. I am filled with hate and anger toward my parents, even though I know it is unfair to them because they believed they were making the right choice at the time.
My parents know how I feel and are sorry, but I still have these negative feelings toward them because I can't get the procedure undone. Do you have any suggestions how I can overcome my dilemma and build a better relationship with my parents? -- CUT SHORT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR C.S.: Yes, I have several. All of them involve talking to doctors. The place to start would be your student health center to determine exactly what is causing your pain and if there is help for it. A doctor there may refer you to a urologist, who may be able to get the problem corrected.
In addition, I urge you to talk to a licensed mental health professional to help you work through your anger because it may be misdirected and a result of the sexual assault you experienced in grade school.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
My son was circumcised. His dad was Jewish and it was very important to him.
During a rather contentious exchange of opinions on another thread, where people were saying *If the kid wants to be cut, he can do it when he's older*, I asked my son if he was glad I had it done to him.
He answered with *Oh God, YES!! There's no way in hell I would have done it as an adult...most guys wouldn't. I don't remember it, I may have cried a bit, but Thank You!*
He said too much got removed. I've heard of that causing complications with ^ and pain. I could see being angry about that but not at the parents per se. They were doing what they thought was best and it's a fairly routine thing. If the doc messed up, that is an issue.
I left the decision to my husband regarding our son. I figured he would know best but I felt so horribly guilty afterward.. It healed very fast but those first couple of days made me feel like a monster for letting somebody cut my baby when it may not have been "necessary" I know there are arguments for both. I'm glad we're done so I never have to think about whether or not to do it again. I don't think I could :(
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Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.
If too much was removed I'd be upset with the doc. He should give the parents a pass, they thought they were doing a good thing. And if he hadn't been circumcised and later decided he wanted to be, he'd be a much more unhappy penis owner.
If it's going to be done it needs to be done while the child is an infant and won't remember it later in life.
Adult circumcision recovery time is up to two weeks, and no sex for six (according to a quick Google on my phone).
EHe said too much got removed. I've heard of that causing complications with ^ and pain. I could see being angry about that but not at the parents per se. They were doing what they thought was best and it's a fairly routine thing. If the doc messed up, that is an issue.
I left the decision to my husband regarding our son. I figured he would know best but I felt so horribly guilty afterward.. It healed very fast but those first couple of days made me feel like a monster for letting somebody cut my baby when it may not have been "necessary" I know there are arguments for both. I'm glad we're done so I never have to think about whether or not to do it again. I don't think I could :(
Just be glad a mohel didn't perform the procedure.
Well, first he needs to go to a doctor to find out if that is indeed causing the pain. And, it is unfair to judge what your parents did 30 yrs ago by the standards of today. What was common and accepted wisdom may not be now. Did your parents truly try to look out for your best interests? Yes, they make mistakes along the way.
At this point, you can't undo what has been done. It is unfortunate that he is having issues. However, the only way to approach is to meet with a urologist and discuss what can be done to treat the pain. There are also doctors who are restoring foreskin as well .
In hindsight, i would do that now to my sons. To me it's a completely unneccessary and purely cosmetic procedure. So, if your son isn't having a problem, i see no real reason to do it other than aesthetics.
It sounds like he is angry at himself for being so angry towards his parents.
I feel sorry for him. He wants to fix this mess. He needs counseling, ASAP.
If I had boys, I would circumcise them. And if they whined about it as an adult, I would remind them that I was their mother, I gave birth to them, that they were our baby, and it was our decision. Parents make decisions regarding their children all the time that the kid may not like. But that's just too bad.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Crying about what you can't change and that has happened long ago is a waste of your life. It's done. It can't be undone. You can focus on it and be a whiny "vicitm" or just go on with life and enjoy life.
I've always been a bit perturbed we didn't have a pool.
Think I should write a letter?
We need an advice column.
Anyone remember the magic 8 ball thread?
We need one of those.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
My mom cut my hair when i was young. I never had the opportunity to have really long hair. And, honestly it never really occurred to me. Now, DD has long hair and i wont' let her cut it, lol. I mean she gets it trimmed but i won't let her cut it short.
My mom cut my hair when i was young. I never had the opportunity to have really long hair. And, honestly it never really occurred to me. Now, DD has long hair and i wont' let her cut it, lol. I mean she gets it trimmed but i won't let her cut it short.
I had really long hair, but had to cut it b/c I was getting headaches and the doctor said it was b/c my hair was too heavy.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Never leave your 4 year old niece and daughter alone for more than 2 minutes in the bathroom. They found some scissors. They both had hair that was long and beautiful. They were lucky we didn't have to shave their heads to make it look on purpose. We still laugh about it now.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
I'm pissed off I didn't get piano lessons. I'm sure I'd be a concert pianist.
I had to take piano lessons. Forced I tell you! I should sue the teacher for me not being a concert pianist.
I broke my arm after my first lesson. Couldn't do it with a huge cast on.
I got out of it.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
He said too much got removed. I've heard of that causing complications with ^ and pain. I could see being angry about that but not at the parents per se. They were doing what they thought was best and it's a fairly routine thing. If the doc messed up, that is an issue.
I left the decision to my husband regarding our son. I figured he would know best but I felt so horribly guilty afterward.. It healed very fast but those first couple of days made me feel like a monster for letting somebody cut my baby when it may not have been "necessary" I know there are arguments for both. I'm glad we're done so I never have to think about whether or not to do it again. I don't think I could :(
Wow. Not worth that much angst.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I'm wondering about the pain. I'm guessing he means when he has sex because if it is painful all the time I would think he'd have told his parents & they would have taken him to a doctor.
I'm wondering about the pain. I'm guessing he means when he has sex because if it is painful all the time I would think he'd have told his parents & they would have taken him to a doctor.
- Lexxy
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This is all anecdotal, but from what I have heard bad circumcisions are rarely a problem with anything other than things related to erection. That doesn't necessarily mean "just sex" though. Young men can (as the saying goes) "get an erection at the drop of a hat". It happens at the worst of times and the oddest of times, quite often when sex actually happening is the furthest thing possible from reality. So my bet would be that that's the case here. When the circumcision was done at least part of his penis wasn't left with enough sheath to erect properly.
