I am struggling with the decision of whether I should stay with my husband.
We have two young children and have been together for 17 years, married for 14. He just got fired from his ninth job in 17 years (some he left, one he got laid off from, three he got fired from). It usually takes him a while to get another job. He works around the house during his unemployment times, however, most of the housework falls to me. I have been working steadily for 20 years.
The bigger problem — which now has come to the forefront — is our sex life. He has never been very amorous and now is even less so. He blames me for his low sex drive. He says I don’t dress “slutty” enough, or there are dishes in the sink or the house doesn’t look good enough, which contributes to his downward drive.
I am not sure that I would like to live the rest of my life with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with me. However, there are two young children (ages 2 and 10) in the picture who adore their father.
Your advice? — Unloved
Dear Unloved: From your description of your husband’s inconsistent work record and behavior at home, it sounds as if he may have a number of undetermined issues getting in his way. He could be depressed, have anxiety, a hormone imbalance, or ADHD. Is he willing to talk about this, see a physician for a thorough screening, and/or see a counselor with you? Is he feeling overwhelmed or perhaps fearful of having more children? Does he want to be married? These are all questions for him to try to answer.
I agree with you that a lifetime of this would be very hard to bear — but neither of you seems to have started the process of trying to save your marriage. You will need to balance the needs of you and your children, examine your own motivations and figure out if you can afford to support two households before deciding to part.
Children who adore their parents can continue to adore them through divorce — if both parents part peacefully, and are cooperative and loving.
While I might not use that exact word--I love it when my wife dresses up. She even calls her knee high, 6" stiletto heel leather boots her "hooker" boots.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Wait a minute, if this was a women who wanted to be a stay at home mom and wasn't really interested in the bedroom antics, would this still be a problem?
The lack of sex wasn't a huge problem until recently, so I think there is more to the story.
Would the kids be better off without their father in the home?
I do believe the husband has personal issues, but I also think he has always had personal issues. She should have seen this before she married him and then had kids with him.
Now she needs to balance the pro's and con's of life without him in/or out of the home.
Since she is the major bread winner, my bet is she kicks him out.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
But tell him if he is going to be home, clean the house and have dinner ready when she gets home.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
