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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: Daughter Snubbed by Teammates
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: None of my daughter's varsity tennis teammates will talk to her since she beat them to earn the No. 2 spot. She tries to join their conversations, but they ignore her attempts or say, "It's a private joke."

When one girl said her parent could drive to a tournament, she pointed to three other girls and said they could ride with her, leaving out my daughter. My daughter is ready to quit the team -- and she hasn't even played her first match yet.

GENTLE READER: Among the virtues that school sports are thought to promote is good sportsmanship. Clearly this is not always the case.

But you can teach this to your daughter, under these unpleasant circumstances, by suggesting that she return her teammates' rudeness with friendliness and patience. Perhaps you could initiate an event for the whole team, as a demonstration of inclusiveness.

Miss Manners recommends including the parents in this outreach effort. Being older, they may be more embarrassed at showing any jealousy and can therefore be enlisted in your effort to provide a positive role model. In any case, the coach can and should be informed.



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TrudyML


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Where is #1? Does she talk to her? When I played soccer I did not hang with any teammates but they respected me on the field. They knew I'd get the job done.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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There is a lot of infighting on my daughter's team. Like certain girls won't pass the ball to other girls. The sad thing is that this group of girls is very athletic and could win championships. So, I don't know if they can move past all of the infighting. DD tries to stay out of it, but it affects their play on the field.

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TrudyML


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Oh, yeah. I believe it.

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Mellow Momma


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This is the worst advice ever.

Do NOT talk to the other parents about it. That will only make it worse.

Do NOT talk to the coach about it. He/she probably already knows and is letting the kids sort it out.

Do NOT hold an "inclusive event". No one will show.

Do -- ignore those b!tches and hold your head high. They are trying to get you to quit the team. Don't give them what they want. Hang in there. Be polite to them. But no need to be best friends. No need to car pool with people who don't like you! Lean into your sport and do everything you can to be even better at it.

If you joined a sport to make friends - well, that's a mistake. Even if you have a shared interest it is no guarantee the other people playing the sport are worth being friends with. Be friends with people who are worth your time and effort.

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Mellow Momma


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TrudyML wrote:

Where is #1? Does she talk to her? When I played soccer I did not hang with any teammates but they respected me on the field. They knew I'd get the job done.

 Tennis is an individual sport though. No one needs the OP to pass the ball to them. This is part of the problem. If the OP quite tomorrow, it won't effect the others on the team at all. 



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TrudyML


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You'd think they'd be happy they are winning!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Mellow Momma wrote:

This is the worst advice ever.

Do NOT talk to the other parents about it. That will only make it worse.

Do NOT talk to the coach about it. He/she probably already knows and is letting the kids sort it out.

Do NOT hold an "inclusive event". No one will show.

Do -- ignore those b!tches and hold your head high. They are trying to get you to quit the team. Don't give them what they want. Hang in there. Be polite to them. But no need to be best friends. No need to car pool with people who don't like you! Lean into your sport and do everything you can to be even better at it.

If you joined a sport to make friends - well, that's a mistake. Even if you have a shared interest it is no guarantee the other people playing the sport are worth being friends with. Be friends with people who are worth your time and effort.

 Well said.  DD loves basketball and unfortunately, much of her team is that way.  It's the school league and she wants to play so it is what it is.  And, DD joined a traveling AAU team and all the girls are committed to winning and she truly enjoys the travel team as there isn't any drama as these girls just wanna play ball.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Of course, my dd got schit from one of the moms because how dare she play on a travel team and try to learn more basketball to make herself better? Gawd.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Honestly, i can see why more people gravitate towards individual sports like wrestling and swimming, etc. Yeah, there are team points, but at least you can compete more on your own merit.

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TrudyML


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And everyones baby is going to be the next big pro! With a sneaker deal!

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I am tired of the drama. Drama from the Boosters, the team mom's etc.

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TrudyML


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It is 100% drama. Everywhere. Team Moms are brutal! My brother was a huge coach. I would cry laughing when he passed out his rules at the beginning of the season. They adhered to him, though.

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Lawyerlady


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You don't play tennis to be a team player.

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huskerbb


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This is why girls sports are a pain in the ass to coach.

When boys have an issue, they duke it out and it's over.

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Lexxy


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Mean girls suck.

I like our MM's advice much better than the OP MM's advice. My first thought when she said invite everyone was that nobody would show up.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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huskerbb wrote:

This is why girls sports are a pain in the ass to coach.

When boys have an issue, they duke it out and it's over.

 You are right a thousand times over.  Women are bitchy.



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Maybe if all those participation trophies and teams that don't keep score were done away with, the kids might grow up not believing just shown up is all it takes.

These girls are acting like this because the OP's daughter is better than them and they know it.

It's jealousy.

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Mary Zombie


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Maybe if all those participation trophies and teams that don't keep score were done away with, the kids might grow up not believing just shown up is all it takes.

These girls are acting like this because the OP's daughter is better than them and they know it.

It's jealousy.

 Couldn't agree more 



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TrudyML


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I snub you, Mary!

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Cheerios4606


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In 8th grade I was shunned by the popular cheerleaders. Shunned, ridiculed and hated. I was told I wasnt pretty enough to be a cheerleader. But I worked the hardest and wound up with the cheerleader of the year trophy by the end of the year. They all had to admit that I really WAS the best of them and they finally laid off. The damage had already been done though. It set me on a path of forever trying to win approval. It wasnt till after being homeschooled for a few years that I was able to get my sense of self worth back. By the time I went back to school, THEY were looking for MY approval but I could not care less. I wanted nothing to do with them or their cattyness.

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Mary Zombie


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Trudy snubbed me. I'm telling my Mommy!!!!

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TrudyML


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Cheerios4606 wrote:

In 8th grade I was shunned by the popular cheerleaders. Shunned, ridiculed and hated. I was told I wasnt pretty enough to be a cheerleader. But I worked the hardest and wound up with the cheerleader of the year trophy by the end of the year. They all had to admit that I really WAS the best of them and they finally laid off. The damage had already been done though. It set me on a path of forever trying to win approval. It wasnt till after being homeschooled for a few years that I was able to get my sense of self worth back. By the time I went back to school, THEY were looking for MY approval but I could not care less. I wanted nothing to do with them or their cattyness.

Good for you! 



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TrudyML


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Mary Zombie wrote:

Trudy snubbed me. I'm telling my Mommy!!!!

Slap!  Snub! 



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Mary Zombie


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Wahhhhhh. I'm gonna take my toys and go home. And my beer!

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TrudyML


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Leave my beer!


And let me just say pulling a cigarette out of my soccer sock at the end of a game pissed them off! LOL More than all the dudes from the popular all boys school that showed up and then I left with them!

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Lexxy


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TrudyML wrote:

Leave my beer!


And let me just say pulling a cigarette out of my soccer sock at the end of a game pissed them off! LOL More than all the dudes from the popular all boys school that showed up and then I left with them!

Trashy slut!! 



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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Maybe if all those participation trophies and teams that don't keep score were done away with, the kids might grow up not believing just shown up is all it takes.

These girls are acting like this because the OP's daughter is better than them and they know it.

It's jealousy.

 No, it's actually because THAT'S how girls act, just as husker said.

That is one cliche that holds true more often than not.

flan



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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

This is why girls sports are a pain in the ass to coach.

When boys have an issue, they duke it out and it's over.

 You are right a thousand times over.  Women are bitchy.

 You have just characterized my parents.

When Mom got mad, she would give me the silent treatment & I had no idea what was going on. Dad was more direct.

Guess which one I preferred?

flan



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Mary Zombie


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Trudy is a slutty mcslutterson!!

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Lindley


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Maybe if all those participation trophies and teams that don't keep score were done away with, the kids might grow up not believing just shown up is all it takes.

These girls are acting like this because the OP's daughter is better than them and they know it.

It's jealousy.

  A combination of the above and some girls can be snots.

 

edited because I know not all girls are snots.



-- Edited by Lindley on Thursday 31st of March 2016 10:30:19 PM

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