TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Harriette: Grandma and Husband give daughter too many sweets

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Exactly. Put your foot down, Mom.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Easier said than done. There are a lot of passive aggressive people in this world. I would expect she should make some headway with hubby. With grandma, i think you need to give grandma a little bit of leeway to do some of that.
But, she also needs to teach her daughter how to have some self control and discipline is well. Like, it's ok to have 2 cookies but you don't need to eat 6. And, if you aren't hungry, how to have some self control. And, also to have other snacks readily available for her to eat that are healthier options.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

There's also the option of telling the kid not to eat the sweets when offered. Shocking concept, I know.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Depends how old she is as well.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Well, if they are constantly feeding candy to a 2 year old, they need slapping. Older than that, the kid should be able to be told.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

"Forbid" your husband...yeah...that's gonna go over well.

I am all for putting your foot down. But you can't "forbid". You can educate hubby, you can explain your POV, and you can take him to the pediatrician to hear a professional opinion. You shouldn't have to "forbid". If it gets to that point in you need to ask yourself why he doesn't care about the child's health enough to do the right thing and move on from there. I don't think anything good will come of saying "I forbid you from giving her candy." That's going to become a huge power play.

huskerbb · Guru

"Forbid"???

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Exactly. Put your foot down, Mom.

Why do you assume she is right? And, why do you assume she gets to "put her foot down" on her spouse or mother? Maybe she is an overbearing health freak. We dont' know. No, she doesnt' get to order her husband to do anything nor vice versa.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Exactly. Put your foot down, Mom.
Why do you assume she is right? And, why do you assume she gets to "put her foot down" on her spouse or mother? Maybe she is an overbearing health freak. We dont' know. No, she doesnt' get to order her husband to do anything nor vice versa.

Because her kid is overweight and parents need to be the ones to correct that. If her husband won't, she is going to have to.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Exactly. Put your foot down, Mom.
Why do you assume she is right? And, why do you assume she gets to "put her foot down" on her spouse or mother? Maybe she is an overbearing health freak. We dont' know. No, she doesnt' get to order her husband to do anything nor vice versa.

I'm going to assume she is right--but the word "forbid" really has no place in a marriage.

Even if she says "no more sweets"--that doesn't mean that is what will happen.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

This is the time to have a conversation with the husband and grandma and explain your concerns and come up with a list of "treats" that are acceptable. I am definitely more lax on what Gordito eats than my husband and we negotiate all the time.

If DH had his way Gordito would only be eating Organic, GMO free and no sugar. I'm an everything in moderation person and that rules generally go out the window on vacation. We make it work. We meal plan together. Its really not that hard.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We dont' even know she is overweight. Maybe that is just mom's personal opinion. But, either way, you don't order your spouse like you are some general. That really isn't going to work. I would hope that the husband is a reasonable person and they could work together to find some reasonable compromise. Like maybe he takes her out for an ice cream cone every Sun or something but doesnt bring home junkfood all week.

FNW · Guru

My mother fills the boys up on sweets when they are at her house. They also fill them up with raw veggies. Since they eat veggies, mom thinks it won't hurt if they eat cookies and sweets throughout the day, too. So they only go over once in awhile. And I dress the bed that night because usually one will throw up. The boys are just not used to consuming so much.

They also bring cookies, etc., to our house often. They are allowed one (cookie or brownie) after dinner for dessert, but not every day. We don't eat dessert every day. I think that's a bad habit to get into, and I'm not going to start now. So a treat is just that. A treat. Not a part of our regular meal.

huskerbb · Guru

Bonny22Pye wrote:
This is the time to have a conversation with the husband and grandma and explain your concerns and come up with a list of "treats" that are acceptable. I am definitely more lax on what Gordito eats than my husband and we negotiate all the time.

If DH had his way Gordito would only be eating Organic, GMO free and no sugar. I'm an everything in moderation person and that rules generally go out the window on vacation. We make it work. We meal plan together. Its really not that hard.

That's a lot better advice than "forbid".

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We dont' even know she is overweight. Maybe that is just mom's personal opinion. But, either way, you don't order your spouse like you are some general. That really isn't going to work. I would hope that the husband is a reasonable person and they could work together to find some reasonable compromise. Like maybe he takes her out for an ice cream cone every Sun or something but doesnt bring home junkfood all week.

Well, by that token, we can just assume everyone who ever writes a letter is lying about every detail. So, what's to discuss?

She said the kid is overweight. In order to have an intelligent discussion about it, you actually need to accept some of the facts provided, or there is no point in discussing it.

I mean, I could assume by her saying they feed her treats all the time that they are giving her ice cream and marshmallows for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday against mom's wishes or force-feeding the kid Coke.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know. It's all part of the fun of dissecting these letters, lol.

huskerbb · Guru

I'm going to bet the kid is overweight. Dad and grandma need to help out here--but forbidding will NEVER work. It will pit mom against the other two and they'll take every opportunity to undermine her. She needs to enlist their help. Start with the husband. Maybe he needs to hear it from her pediatrician.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
I'm going to bet the kid is overweight. Dad and grandma need to help out here--but forbidding will NEVER work. It will pit mom against the other two and they'll take every opportunity to undermine her. She needs to enlist their help. Start with the husband. Maybe he needs to hear it from her pediatrician.

Good point.

Maybe he's overweight as well.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

How about compromise?

And how much activity is going on?

And how "over weight" are we talking?

Are we sure the mom is not projecting?

I say go outside and play everyday, real play, not just swinging.

And set up a treat/reward day.

But please, PLEASE, don't create a negative self image for this girl.

And if everything else going into the girl is healthy, a bag of m&ms now and then is not going to cause a problem unless she is diabetic.

huskerbb · Guru

I agree, lily--but--is she's overweight, they are fighting a losing battle on self image. Her peers will be cruel.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But we don't know she actually is or if mom is just projecting her own body image problems onto the little girl.

Most kids will go through a chunky phase. But it's generally over in a year or two.

People get hung up on what is going in the body and forget you have to move the body.

Kids who regularly play outside are generally thinner than those who dont.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.

Me, too.

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
I'm going to bet the kid is overweight. Dad and grandma need to help out here--but forbidding will NEVER work. It will pit mom against the other two and they'll take every opportunity to undermine her. She needs to enlist their help. Start with the husband. Maybe he needs to hear it from her pediatrician.

Probably.

Most Parents of Obese Children Think Their Kids Are ‘Just Right’

Because they're compared to their peers, not to medical standards. Parents of obese kids often don’t recognize that their kids are overweight, and the vast majority think their obese children are “just right,” according to a new study.

http://time.com/3855820/obese-children-study/#3855820/obese-children-study/

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.

Ok.

Doesn't say how much time this child is spending outside being physically active either.

Most kids who are actively playing everyday isn't overweight.

And I have to wonder what mom thinks of herself.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I'm not saying there isn't a problem.

Just saying is it the problem the LW thinks it is.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.
Ok.
Doesn't say how much time this child is spending outside being physically active either.
Most kids who are actively playing everyday isn't overweight.
And I have to wonder what mom thinks of herself.

Most kids--or at least a large percentage of them--are overweight.

Sure, this could be the ONE in a hundred cray-cray parent who obsesses over her own weight and projects that onto her kid...

OR

much more likely

this is one of the 99 other ones who have a fat kid whom they are trying to get to eat healthier and, well, not be fat.

huskerbb · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I'm going to bet the kid is overweight. Dad and grandma need to help out here--but forbidding will NEVER work. It will pit mom against the other two and they'll take every opportunity to undermine her. She needs to enlist their help. Start with the husband. Maybe he needs to hear it from her pediatrician.
Probably.
Most Parents of Obese Children Think Their Kids Are ‘Just Right’
Because they're compared to their peers, not to medical standards. Parents of obese kids often don’t recognize that their kids are overweight, and the vast majority think their obese children are “just right,” according to a new study.
http://time.com/3855820/obese-children-study/#3855820/obese-children-study/

I hate to say it, but my brother's daughter is overweight. She needs some help. She gets teased and bullied at school because of it.

Her new (soon to be) stepmom is very concerned--and she's not wrong.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.
Ok.
Doesn't say how much time this child is spending outside being physically active either.
Most kids who are actively playing everyday isn't overweight.
And I have to wonder what mom thinks of herself.

Most kids--or at least a large percentage of them--are overweight.
Sure, this could be the ONE in a hundred cray-cray parent who obsesses over her own weight and projects that onto her kid...

OR

much more likely

this is one of the 99 other ones who have a fat kid whom they are trying to get to eat healthier and, well, not be fat.

I'd still like to know how much physical activity this child is getting.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This country has an obesity problem. I'm willing to bet when she says the kid is overweight that she is right.
Ok.
Doesn't say how much time this child is spending outside being physically active either.
Most kids who are actively playing everyday isn't overweight.
And I have to wonder what mom thinks of herself.

Most kids--or at least a large percentage of them--are overweight.
Sure, this could be the ONE in a hundred cray-cray parent who obsesses over her own weight and projects that onto her kid...

OR

much more likely

this is one of the 99 other ones who have a fat kid whom they are trying to get to eat healthier and, well, not be fat.
I'd still like to know how much physical activity this child is getting.

Well, you don't get to know that b/c it's not in the OP. What you get to know is that the kid is overweight and her daddy and grandmother constantly give her candy and sweets.

huskerbb · Guru

Generally overweight kids aren't very physically active. No one is saying cutting down on sweets is a cure all. However, it can't hurt.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, it's a multipronged approach. For one, she is right to want to address this and teach healthy eating. However, just saying, don't eat candy won't work. There are LOTS of ways to overeat. She might switch to potato chips or other snacks. So , here is what i would do.
I would get her interested in cooking. I would start preparing meals together and teaching her about nutrition and healthy cooking. Kids tend to really like to eat something they have personally prepared. It makes them feel proud. Teach her how to make kabobs, grilled vegetables, healthy cooking and food choices. Go to the store together and say, let's try this new vegetable or fruit and expand her palate.
Start walking together to set up a badmintion set. We can play badmintion for hours, everyone loves that. And, teach her to take pride in her appearance and self.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

DD12 loves to eat and has a huge appetite. But I've made it clear that if she wants to continue to eat like a teenage boy, she's going to have to be as active as one.

huskerbb · Guru

I know that is part of the issue with my brothers daughter. She eats a fair amount--and she's not at all athletic, so she isn't very physically active.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We are a sports family so I never had that issue with my kids. However, my oldest son is now 20 and done with sports pretty much. He is school and does workout some but not like when he was in football. He is also a big eater and bread fanatic so i have warned him that he will need to watch it.

ed11563 · Guru

No one mentioned a dentist.

My father survived polio when he was 12. After that, Grandma gave him candy every time he was unhappy about anything.

When I was growing up, he was 100 pounds overweight, and kept his teeth in a glass overnight.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He must have gone to student dentist! biggrin

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are a sports family so I never had that issue with my kids. However, my oldest son is now 20 and done with sports pretty much. He is school and does workout some but not like when he was in football. He is also a big eater and bread fanatic so i have warned him that he will need to watch it.

My kids were skin and bones. Still are. My oldest son drinks Mountain Dew and Pepsi all day and he's still only 120 lbs.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are a sports family so I never had that issue with my kids. However, my oldest son is now 20 and done with sports pretty much. He is school and does workout some but not like when he was in football. He is also a big eater and bread fanatic so i have warned him that he will need to watch it.
My kids were skin and bones. Still are. My oldest son drinks Mountain Dew and Pepsi all day and he's still only 120 lbs.

Which only means that everyone's metabolism is different.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are a sports family so I never had that issue with my kids. However, my oldest son is now 20 and done with sports pretty much. He is school and does workout some but not like when he was in football. He is also a big eater and bread fanatic so i have warned him that he will need to watch it.
My kids were skin and bones. Still are. My oldest son drinks Mountain Dew and Pepsi all day and he's still only 120 lbs.

I never had an issue. I could eat whatever, whenever and stayed at 110 pounds and never started to gain weight until after age 25. But a lot of DH's family have weight issues they have struggled with forever and DD12 has inherited their body type.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
We are a sports family so I never had that issue with my kids. However, my oldest son is now 20 and done with sports pretty much. He is school and does workout some but not like when he was in football. He is also a big eater and bread fanatic so i have warned him that he will need to watch it.
My kids were skin and bones. Still are. My oldest son drinks Mountain Dew and Pepsi all day and he's still only 120 lbs.

Yeah, there are some people who can eat whatever they like. But, oftentimes, you can get away with it at 20 but not when you are pushing 40.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Oh right. She is being controlling by trying to prevent her husband and MIL from causing their obese kid to get diabetes amp by many other health issues. .... Lol
Time for a come to Jesus with the father. Geesh

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mary Zombie wrote:
Oh right. She is being controlling by trying to prevent her husband and MIL from causing their obese kid to get diabetes amp by many other health issues. .... Lol
Time for a come to Jesus with the father. Geesh

Yep. I don't have to "forbid" my husband to do anything, but.....happy wife, happy life, right?

Mary Zombie · Guru

Exactly LL. 😎. And maybe more ahem bi's for him?🙂😜

TrudyML · Guru

Put down the Ring Dings, Mary!

Mary Zombie · Guru

Hahahaaaaaaaa

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

LOL!

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mary Zombie wrote:
Oh right. She is being controlling by trying to prevent her husband and MIL from causing their obese kid to get diabetes amp by many other health issues. .... Lol
Time for a come to Jesus with the father. Geesh
Yep. I don't have to "forbid" my husband to do anything, but.....happy wife, happy life, right?

So...when you don't get your way you make sure he's unhappy?

Tinydancer · Guru

My DH says "Happy wife happy life" and I say "Happy husband happy home". It's really about trying to make each other happy but respecting them even when you disagree.