Just because I'm poor doesn't mean my kid shouldn't have nice things
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My daughter and I were living in a conservative area when I started to notice an outcry to test people receiving public assistance for drug use. I relied on food stamps to help make ends meet at the time, while I was working full-time as a housecleaner and going to school full-time online.
Social media was my social life, and a few anti-welfare memes or slogans were going around that started to hit home for me. One said that if a person could afford to buy cigarettes and alcohol, then they could, therefore, afford food, and shouldn’t be on food stamps.
Not only that, it seemed people were carefully watching over what people purchased with their food stamps and heavily judged them for it. One person remarked that she couldn’t believe a family bought so much junk with food stamps with their kids “dressed to the nines” in fancy clothes. That makes no sense, I thought. Why is it bad that the kids had nice clothes to wear? Were they supposed to all look like a pack of orphans straight out of the movie Annie?
The assumption that, because a person carries a nice purse, or has a child with them who's wearing shiny shoes and a lacy dress, there must be money they're hiding, and therefore taking advantage of the system, is a bizarre judgment. Like people living in poverty should dress in a way that's downtrodden so everyone around them can see how much they're struggling. I admit, I always jumped at the chance to buy my little girl a nice outfit. Even though they were impractical, the shiny shoes we found at a consignment store for $3 brought her so much joy. She'd dance around, twirling in a dress and would wear the outfit for days.
Lawmakers have joined in on the attacks against people on public assistance. Recently, a bill proposed in New York suggests that people on food stampsshouldn’t also purchase “luxury” foods, like steak, lobster, cookies and cake. In West Virginia, a bill passed through the Senate, limiting the foods that families can buy with food stamps to the same ones mothers can buy with the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children: milk, cheese, eggs, bread, beans, peanut butter, juice and a few other items depending on the age of the children in the home.
Kentucky Republican U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell famously pushed the most restrictions of any state on how people receiving a cash amount from the state can use their funds. He restricted swimming pools, movie theaters and video arcades.
All of this begs the question: Why are the poor expected to not have any nice things?
I’ve been a freelance writer for about a year, and have publishedseveralarticlesabout my experiences living well under the poverty level. Even though it’s generally best not to read the comments, I do. What fascinates me is that most of the negative comments not only further perpetuate the stigma that people on government assistance are taking advantage of the American taxpayers, but that they also are almost identical to what I’ve heard people say in real life.
Poor people shouldn’t have smartphones. Poor people shouldn’t have tattoos. Poor people should sell nice cars to pay for food. Poor people shouldn’t have a nice purse if they’re buying groceries with food stamps. Poor people’s children shouldn’t be dressed well. Poor people shouldn’t have children, period.
Some of my friends have said these things to me. I’ve seen posts on Facebook judging people for buying chips and soda with food stamps. I’ve seen memes picturing a woman holding 40-ounce beers and cigarettes and handfuls of cash boasting about a fat tax refund.
What’s interesting to me is that I also see so many links to donate money to families with medical issues, or dogs needing surgery. Somehow that’s a respectful way to ask for help. But for a person to turn to a system that is set up to supplement wages that are too low, or work that isn’t enough, that’s somehow taking advantage.
Nobody runs to the public assistance office, skipping and smiling to get food stamps. It's a shameful, humbling experience to admit that, despite all your efforts, you don't have enough money to feed your kid.
Because at that point, it's not really about you anymore — the cupboards are bare and it's way past the point of worrying over the effects of serving pasta every night. But the award letter that comes in the mail, giving the amount of money available to buy groceries with, comes at a great relief.
When this happened to me over the years, after I'd put off applying for assistance for as long as I could, getting that letter meant a trip to the store without the stomach-knotting stress. I could buy my kid a treat. I could get her the juice boxes she liked. I could buy strawberries. I could get her a cupcake.
Over the years, I’ve tried to form theories on why some people get so miffed about their tax dollars going to food stamps, even though it comes out to about 10 cents a day. Maybe they don’t think it should be a government’s responsibility to feed and clothe the poor. Maybe capitalism, the American dream of working hard to succeed, includes leaving people in the dust. Maybe Reagan’s “welfare queen” narrative is too far engrained: that the poor don’t work, they take advantage of the system.
It’s because of attitudes like these that the stigma surrounding the impoverished is one of shame. But, to spin off of the Dr. Seuss phrase, a person is a person, no matter how poor.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Funny how she mentions the" nice purse " thing twice. My purse was $20 grom Walmart.
The "article" is a perfect example of the entitled attitude our society has instilled in people collecting welfare benefits. Sure, buying nice things at a Goodwill or such is great, that is the way she and others asking for handouts should shop, heck I shop like that sometimes. But claiming you cannot afford food but think it is just fine to buy chips and junk food with EBT? Food stamps won't allow you buy that stuff so she must be buying them using the cash side of the EBT.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I carried and still carry name brand purses. Got them from sales tables, yard sales, and gifts.
Just cause somebody is wearing ed hardy and baby pat and carrying Gucci doesn't mean they paid big money for it.
And yeah, yeah. I know. Fraud is rampant.
Instead of complaining about the individual, do something to change the system that allows the fraud in the first place.
"But it doesn't matter"
That's what the ballot box is for.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
The cigarettes, alcohol, tattoos and that kind of thing, I agree with.
If you can buy that, you don't need food stamps.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I was raised that if you can't eat it or wear it, you don't need it.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
The entitlement bleeds through the entire article. Her kids "deserve" nice things. She "deserves" this or that.
Sure, if she went to a thrift store and found a brand name purse for $10--more power to her--but that isn't at all what she's saying. She is saying she DESERVES things.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
You can not blame an individual for taking advantage of a system set up with loop holes just for the purpose of being taken advantage of.
I mean you can. But it doesn't actually CHANGE anything, does it?
What you need to do is get people in there that can actually change things.
Look, there is a plate of cookies out with a sign that says "free samples".
Most will take one.
But someone is going to come along and take ten.
So do you leave the tray out and let the one take from everyone, or do you change the way you give out the samples?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
You can not blame an individual for taking advantage of a system set up with loop holes just for the purpose of being taken advantage of.
I mean you can. But it doesn't actually CHANGE anything, does it?
What you need to do is get people in there that can actually change things.
Look, there is a plate of cookies out with a sign that says "free samples".
Most will take one.
But someone is going to come along and take ten.
So do you leave the tray out and let the one take from everyone, or do you change the way you give out the samples?
I quit giving out the samples, altogether.
Then you have CHANGE the situation and the fraud stops.
But if you did nothing, and just complained about the one, the fraud continues.
The only way to stop the fraud is to change the situation.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Lily, there is a huge difference between someone disabled collecting than someone out there just taking advantage. You know the difference and I believe we all do.
-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Tuesday 5th of April 2016 07:28:00 PM
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
The entitlement bleeds through the entire article. Her kids "deserve" nice things. She "deserves" this or that.
Sure, if she went to a thrift store and found a brand name purse for $10--more power to her--but that isn't at all what she's saying. She is saying she DESERVES things.
I admit, I always jumped at the chance to buy my little girl a nice outfit. Even though they were impractical, the shiny shoes we found at a consignment store for $3 brought her so much joy. She'd dance around, twirling in a dress and would wear the outfit for days.
This says she deserves things? This was as close as to where I could find in the article that could reference that she deserves anything other than trying to cloth her child with nice stuff and keep her happy. She is not paying full price for brand new stuff. She is shopping for secondhand items at a consignment store.
I was the child whose parents had trouble paying the mortgage. There were days my parents would not eat so that my brother and I could. I did not know what brand new clothes (except for undergarments and socks) felt like until I was a teenager. Yes, my parents accepted the bare necessities of what assistance was available to them. But my brother and I appreciated what we got. Occasionally, we got special items. My grandmom got me a rabbit fur coat, secondhand. Yet someone could have seen me with a fur coat and thought I was a spoiled brat. That could not be further from the truth.
How many people on this board have ever struggled to afford to put food on the table on a regular basis? Or keep a roof over your family's head? I can point out a few who it seems never have by their judgemental attitude. Not everyone on the dole is taking advantage of the system.
Is the system flawed? Yes. Does it need to be changed? Yes. But how can you take away benefits from those who are abusing it without taking it away from those who truly need them? Finding a system that works is like asking for world peace.
Funny how she mentions the" nice purse " thing twice. My purse was $20 grom Walmart.
The "article" is a perfect example of the entitled attitude our society has instilled in people collecting welfare benefits. Sure, buying nice things at a Goodwill or such is great, that is the way she and others asking for handouts should shop, heck I shop like that sometimes. But claiming you cannot afford food but think it is just fine to buy chips and junk food with EBT? Food stamps won't allow you buy that stuff so she must be buying them using the cash side of the EBT.
Food stamps DO allow the purchase of chips and soda and all kinds of junk food. As long as it is classified as "food" it can be purchased with food stamps in most states. In fact, some Valentines cards with candy attached can be purchased with food stamps.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Yes I do know of some people who live on food stamps and con people and they do make me angry. However I would rather see a child who is clean and dressed in the best her/his parents can afford then be dirty and unkept. There is a young soon to be teen girl at our Church who is dressed in the latest fashion and you would think she got them at 21 forever or what other popular store young girls like, she said her mom got them at the goodwill. Some people are good at finding quality clothes. I've seen people I know who are on food stamps who buy meat in bulk and not the most expensive meat that would last them till next payday. So there are those who use it wisely.
The entitlement bleeds through the entire article. Her kids "deserve" nice things. She "deserves" this or that.
Sure, if she went to a thrift store and found a brand name purse for $10--more power to her--but that isn't at all what she's saying. She is saying she DESERVES things.
I admit, I always jumped at the chance to buy my little girl a nice outfit. Even though they were impractical, the shiny shoes we found at a consignment store for $3 brought her so much joy. She'd dance around, twirling in a dress and would wear the outfit for days.
This says she deserves things? This was as close as to where I could find in the article that could reference that she deserves anything other than trying to cloth her child with nice stuff and keep her happy. She is not paying full price for brand new stuff. She is shopping for secondhand items at a consignment store.
I was the child whose parents had trouble paying the mortgage. There were days my parents would not eat so that my brother and I could. I did not know what brand new clothes (except for undergarments and socks) felt like until I was a teenager. Yes, my parents accepted the bare necessities of what assistance was available to them. But my brother and I appreciated what we got. Occasionally, we got special items. My grandmom got me a rabbit fur coat, secondhand. Yet someone could have seen me with a fur coat and thought I was a spoiled brat. That could not be further from the truth.
How many people on this board have ever struggled to afford to put food on the table on a regular basis? Or keep a roof over your family's head? I can point out a few who it seems never have by their judgemental attitude. Not everyone on the dole is taking advantage of the system.
Is the system flawed? Yes. Does it need to be changed? Yes. But how can you take away benefits from those who are abusing it without taking it away from those who truly need them? Finding a system that works is like asking for world peace.
jbear, it was the whole premise of the article, not the one comment about 3 dollar shoes. IMHO, the writer is looking through rose colored glasses.
Yes, not all people on welfare are abusing the system, but all of us know of several individuals that DO take advantage of the system. We all know the one guy who fakes an injury, gets disability, lives off the government and lives the high life while basically flaunting it in everyone's face. Yup, he gets his tattoo's, buys his marijuana, cigs and beer off my money.
To be honest, I know of several individuals playing the system in our small community that are just flat out lazy.
And, because those individuals abuse the system, the one's who really need it for brief periods of time then can't get help because they don't "play the welfare game."
My parents struggle to put food on the table. They did without themselves but always made sure their kids had food and new shoes (once a year). Mom made all our clothes, and we canned most of our food. People do not take care of themselves anymore. They think someone else is suppose to do all the work for them.
When DH and I were raising our kids, we were always cash short. DH complained for years about not having ice cream in the house, but he never bought it when he had the opportunity because the kids needs came first. People do not know how to sacrifice anymore.
No, you do not need an iPhone, a flip phone will do. No, you do not need cable, get a simple HD antenna and watch the local programs. Turn the heat down and turn the AC up, save money instead of expecting someone else to always pay it for you.
Your parents did it right, so did mine and so did we. The losers are the ones not getting the message and you and I are paying for it.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
Yeah, the $3 shoe thing was tossed in there as an after thought. Oh yeah, i bought $3 shoes. Nobody is judging $3 shoes. And, if you dress well by going to Goodwill and are a good shopper, that is great. But, that isnt the tone of the article. The tone is that I am entitled and I deserve. And, tough schit to you if it's your tax money.
The entitlement bleeds through the entire article. Her kids "deserve" nice things. She "deserves" this or that.
Sure, if she went to a thrift store and found a brand name purse for $10--more power to her--but that isn't at all what she's saying. She is saying she DESERVES things.
I admit, I always jumped at the chance to buy my little girl a nice outfit. Even though they were impractical, the shiny shoes we found at a consignment store for $3 brought her so much joy. She'd dance around, twirling in a dress and would wear the outfit for days.
This says she deserves things? This was as close as to where I could find in the article that could reference that she deserves anything other than trying to cloth her child with nice stuff and keep her happy. She is not paying full price for brand new stuff. She is shopping for secondhand items at a consignment store.
I was the child whose parents had trouble paying the mortgage. There were days my parents would not eat so that my brother and I could. I did not know what brand new clothes (except for undergarments and socks) felt like until I was a teenager. Yes, my parents accepted the bare necessities of what assistance was available to them. But my brother and I appreciated what we got. Occasionally, we got special items. My grandmom got me a rabbit fur coat, secondhand. Yet someone could have seen me with a fur coat and thought I was a spoiled brat. That could not be further from the truth.
How many people on this board have ever struggled to afford to put food on the table on a regular basis? Or keep a roof over your family's head? I can point out a few who it seems never have by their judgemental attitude. Not everyone on the dole is taking advantage of the system.
Is the system flawed? Yes. Does it need to be changed? Yes. But how can you take away benefits from those who are abusing it without taking it away from those who truly need them? Finding a system that works is like asking for world peace.
WTF are you talking about???? She talks about smartphones, nice cars, cigarettes, beer, chips, soda.
She directly asks the question: Why are the poor expected to not have any nice things?
Well, the answer is because other people are paying for your crap.
Yes, EVERYONE on the dole is taking advantage of the system. That's the point of the system--to feed people who can't get their lives together enough to do it, themselves. We just don't want to be paying for a host of other crap.
In the comments to this article, a woman who was on the dole said this
My daughter deserves new school clothes, new shoes, blah, blah, blah...
No, no she doesn't. I didn't have those things very darn often growing up. Even my kids didn't always have those things. I was expected to pay for their crap--no one else was doing it for me.
__________________
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Nobody runs to the public assistance office, skipping and smiling to get food stamps. It's a shameful, humbling experience to admit that, despite all your efforts, you don't have enough money to feed your kid.
It’s because of attitudes like these that the stigma surrounding the impoverished is one of shame. But, to spin off of the Dr. Seuss phrase, a person is a person, no matter how poor.
The writer was working full-time and going to school. She is no longer on food stamps.
Not every person abuses welfare. We've had this discussion before.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
I agree she seems to doing what one is supposed to do by bettering themselves but that doesn't excuse her attitude that she deserves to be able to buy nice things even though on welfare. When you are given a lifeline, you don't complain that it isn't made out of gold.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
What do posters here have to do with this?
They provide a different perspective instead of ASSUMING.
It's not what she is doing - it's the attitude she is doing it with. No, they are not ENTITLED to nice things. If you can get them at a thrift shop - great! But if you don't NEED them, and are wasting money on them when you have no emergency fund and are on welfare, that's pretty damn irresponsible.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
What do posters here have to do with this?
They provide a different perspective instead of ASSUMING.
flan
Assuming what? Welfare fraud is rampant. So, not sure what the other posters have to do with that unless you are trying to stir up something to be offended about. The LW clearly has a beitchy entitled attitude.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
What do posters here have to do with this?
They provide a different perspective instead of ASSUMING.
flan
Assuming what? Welfare fraud is rampant. So, not sure what the other posters have to do with that unless you are trying to stir up something to be offended about. The LW clearly has a beitchy entitled attitude.
Nobody runs to the public assistance office, skipping and smiling to get food stamps. It's a shameful, humbling experience to admit that, despite all your efforts, you don't have enough money to feed your kid.
It’s because of attitudes like these that the stigma surrounding the impoverished is one of shame. But, to spin off of the Dr. Seuss phrase, a person is a person, no matter how poor.
The writer was working full-time and going to school. She is no longer on food stamps.
Not every person abuses welfare. We've had this discussion before.
flan
It's not really "abuse" we are talking about. She wasn't doing anything "illegal".
Its her sense of entitlement that her kids "deserve" this. Poor people "deserve" smartphones and nice cars and their kids need sodas and chips--and no one, even the ones paying for all that crap--have any right to criticize. That's BS.
-- Edited by huskerbb on Wednesday 6th of April 2016 09:45:37 AM
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
But it technically is not fraud. There is no law that says she can't spend any money she gets--from a job, gifts, or even cash benefits (as opposed to food stamps)--on whatever.
That is still going to really irk people who are paying to feed her kids--many of whom can't afford the things she talks about, themselves.
Do her kids have to dress in rags? Of course not--but nice $25 jeans from Target or wherever will wear just as good as $80 designer ones. Unless it's from a rich uncle, she can find a smoking deal on a Toyota as easily as a Cadillac. The outdated smartphone they give you with the cell plan works as good as the latest iPhone or galaxy (or just get a plain prepaid phone). $50 JCPenny shoes work as good as $200 ones.
Sure, sometimes you can find deals at thrift stores or whatever, but when you see a single mom in the grocery line ahead of you with manicured nails and designer shoes pay with an EBT card and then go out and put the groceries--complete with a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes--into her Lincoln, it annoys people who can't afford those things yet are paying for her food.
__________________
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
What do posters here have to do with this?
They provide a different perspective instead of ASSUMING.
flan
Assuming what? Welfare fraud is rampant. So, not sure what the other posters have to do with that unless you are trying to stir up something to be offended about. The LW clearly has a beitchy entitled attitude.
Yes, I've taken lessons from The Master.
flan
I don't run behind the skirts of Mods when someone says something I don't like. I will be happy to go toe to toe with them.
Can we please stop with the "not every person abuses welfare" mantra? Yeah we know. You keep saying that as if we aren't allowed to criticize those who do. As for stigma, tough schit. You don't like stigma, then off your arse and schlepp a job everyday like the rest of the joes and janes getting up out of their warm beds at 530am to go play nurse maid at some crap job. When do THEY get a break?
I am talking about THIS OP.
ONE example.
She WAS working full-time AND going to school.
There are posters HERE who have been on welfare.
flan
What do posters here have to do with this?
They provide a different perspective instead of ASSUMING.
flan
Assuming what? Welfare fraud is rampant. So, not sure what the other posters have to do with that unless you are trying to stir up something to be offended about. The LW clearly has a beitchy entitled attitude.
Yes, I've taken lessons from The Master.
flan
I don't run behind the skirts of Mods when someone says something I don't like. I will be happy to go toe to toe with them.