TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Carolyn: Is Son Old Enough to Ride Bike Home from School?

TrudyML · Guru

I was babysitting at 11!

Tinydancer · Guru

Uhhh...Let me check with flan.

FNW · Guru

I was walking a mile home from school in first or second grade. That being said, we had sidewalks, it was a straight shot, and we had crossing guards where we had to cross the two busy (35 mph) streets. I don't think I would have been allowed to walk home otherwise.

I was not allowed to ride my bike on busy streets, only around the neighborhood streets. And I rode on the sidewalks mostly. To this day I am afraid to ride a bike on the road. Fortunately, we have bike paths. Not that I've ridden a bike in years.

I think he should be allowed to ride home.

huskerbb · Guru

He's 11. Plenty old enough, especially after a safety course is fresh in his mind.

Blankie · Guru

"Husband is adamantly opposed to reading any books about child development or going to classes or therapy."

Husband/father is being an unreasonable jerk. If he objects so much, but can't back up his stance with anything and refuses to learn about how to be a reasonable parent, he's acting like a stubborn child. Good luck with your manchild Mom!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Based on her description, I think he should be able to ride home, too.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dad is concerned so why not ease him into this. Say, "oh on Fridays, i am going to allow Johnny to bike too and from school". Then, do that for a couple weeks. Over time dad will most likely become comfortable with that and then you can ramp that up. Everything in life doesn't have to be all or nothing.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dad is concerned so why not ease him into this. Say, "oh on Fridays, i am going to allow Johnny to bike too and from school". Then, do that for a couple weeks. Over time dad will most likely become comfortable with that and then you can ramp that up. Everything in life doesn't have to be all or nothing.

That's a good idea, actually.

And Mom sounds very reasonable in her assessment of the situation.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dad is concerned so why not ease him into this. Say, "oh on Fridays, i am going to allow Johnny to bike too and from school". Then, do that for a couple weeks. Over time dad will most likely become comfortable with that and then you can ramp that up. Everything in life doesn't have to be all or nothing.
That's a good idea, actually.
And Mom sounds very reasonable in her assessment of the situation.
flan

Although, I wouldn't choose Fridays.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

There may be other kids who also ride their bikes to school, so he might have company.

flan

ed11563 · Guru

First, 11 is old enough to ride his bike to and from school, emphasizing that on main streets or crossing streets (any street) the bike will be WALKED.

Second, how old are the other kids, did she really mean Dad is wiping their butts?

I've known / known of 7 y.o. kids who really didn't understand the concept of really getting themselves clean, so there would be no "skid marks" in their underpants, and girls wouldn't be getting e-coli bladder infections.

But that is an EDUCATION issue, not a "Dad will wipe your bottom for you" issue. At some age, adult men should stop touching their kids' private parts.

When one mom called me for advice because of her 7 y.o. daughter's bladder infections, part of the solution was to install a hand-held shower head where the DD could reach it, have her get up earlier every day so she could poop at home instead of at school, and then wash her bottom, every morning, using the hand shower and friction to get everything off.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

WTH??????

Ohfour · Hooker

Only Ed could turn a thread about bike riding into child molestation...

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I was riding my bike to and from school in first grade. It was about a mile and the only traffic was a 4 lane highway. There was a crossing guard.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

We rode our bikes all over the place at a much younger age. There is a main highway near our house that is a trucking route. We were under no circumstances allowed to ride there. That was the only way to get to 7-11. My brother got his ass beat when he got caught going to 7-11.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I would maybe ride home with the kid once or twice to see how big a deal it really was. They do a couple of tries with a friend and then if all goes well let him do it on his own.

But, it all depends on the neighborhood, traffic, etc. Every kid is different at a different age for this kind of stuff.

I walked myself home in 4th grade and let myself in and waited for my mom to come home from work.

Tangerine · Guru

I walked to Kindergarten with a group of older kids. I rode the bus to and from school when we didn't live close enough to walk to school. Even in the rain!!

Bunny rides the bus to and from kindergarten. I don't let him play outside unsupervised because our neighborhood has no sidewalks and he doesn't pay attention to cars.

Nowadays you also have to worry about someone calling CPS on you if you let your kid play or walk by themselves.

ed11563 · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Only Ed could turn a thread about bike riding into child molestation...

At what age should a dad stop wiping his kid's butt?

Maybe I've know more abusers than you have

weltschmerz · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Uhhh...Let me check with flan.

Flan lives in your head, rent free.

chef · Guru

I have to wonder if the husband's parents were helicopter parents. If so, the wife may have to make this decision on her own.

DH was raised by a helicopter father. FIL still acts like DH needs supervised for the tiniest of tasks. Unfortunately, DH gets helicopter-y with DS. As such, I make a lot of decisions unilaterally. I refuse to raise a manchild.

Tinydancer · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Uhhh...Let me check with flan.
Flan lives in your head, rent free.

At least she's not up my butt...lol. It was in reference to the thread with the parent making her kids walk to school and her saying it's up to the parent but then saying the parent was wrong because SHE would never do that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

All 11 yr olds are not the same. They aren't all the same maturity level. And, I think it is important for parents to make decisions together. I think the compromise of allowing him to ride home one day a week is fair. Give dad some time to get used to this and then you proceed.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

And the child WANTS to do this. That should affect the decision.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

weltschmerz wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Uhhh...Let me check with flan.
Flan lives in your head, rent free.

Pretty much the definition of "obsessed."

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

flan327 wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Uhhh...Let me check with flan.
Flan lives in your head, rent free.
Pretty much the definition of "obsessed."
flan

As I said at least you're not up my butt like you are with welts. You got the obsession backwards.

Tinydancer · Guru

flan327 wrote:
And the child WANTS to do this. That should affect the decision.

flan

So children should only do what they WANT to do? Your kids must be messed up with a philosophy like that...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
And the child WANTS to do this. That should affect the decision.

flan

No, it really shouldn't. Children don't get to make decisions regarding whether something is safe or not, that's what parents are for. This child is 11 - not even old enough to be legally left home alone in some states.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I don't think one partner should override the other as a general rule but in some cases someone has to make a decision and I in so to speak. 11 is old enough to do this IMO and he's even taking bike safety classes. Someone needs to save the kid from being helicoptered.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And the child WANTS to do this. That should affect the decision.

flan
No, it really shouldn't. Children don't get to make decisions regarding whether something is safe or not, that's what parents are for. This child is 11 - not even old enough to be legally left home alone in some states.

IN THIS INSTANCE. PERIOD.

Mom isn't forcing him to ride his bike.

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

No. It still is not up to the kid. Mom's decision whether he wants too or not.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Kids want to eat ice cream for dinner and to buy every video game in the store. What they WANT matters naught.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
Kids want to eat ice cream for dinner and to buy every video game in the store. What they WANT matters naught.

Do I need to quote my post for you?

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

This kid is finishing a bike safety course.

He has a new bike.

And if I read it right, it is at the school already.

Now, I don't know the area, but it seems that riding the bike to and from school is standard practice.

I'd say let him.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.

Of course it factors into the decision.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan

No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.

Parents weighs safety.

Parent decides.

Tinydancer · Guru

No. No it doesn't. If he didn't want to but mom said ride it home it's up to her.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

Parent wants child to ride bike to school.

Child doesn't want to.

Parent forces child.

TWO DIFFERENT SCENARIOS.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

Parent wants child to ride bike to school.
Child doesn't want to.
Parent forces child.
TWO DIFFERENT SCENARIOS.
flan

STILL the parent's decision.

Tinydancer · Guru

Child wants to ride bike home. Parent says no. Two different scenarios but the parent gets the final word in both.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

No way. By age 11 their opinion carries weight. Sure, the parent' has a final say--but most parents would ascertain both the desire and the ability to do so safely into their decision.

Lets say the kid got invited to a sleep over with someone they don't like and they don't want to go. Are you seriously saying that the kids dislike for the other kid would not be taken into consideration? Of course it would.

Now, maybe, the answer is "its your cousins birthday, so you have to go", but absent some odd circumstance, I doubt too many parents would force that if its just some kid from their school or neighborhood.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 10:12:59 AM

Tinydancer · Guru

Sure the parent considers it but it's still up to the PARENT. So you are agreeing with LL.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

No way. By age 11 their opinion carries weight. Sure, the parent' has a final say--but most parents would ascertain both the desire and the ability to do so safely into their decision.
Lets say the kid got invited to a sleep over with someone they don't like and they don't want to go. Are you seriously saying that the kids dislike for the other kid would not be taken into consideration? Of course it would.
Now, maybe, the answer is "its your cousins birthday, so you have to go", but absent some odd circumstance, I doubt too many parents would force that if its just some kid from their school or neighborhood.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 10:12:59 AM

Thank you husker.

Are you going to force your kid to play sports if they don't want to?

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

Whether you or husker would makes NO difference. The kids parent gets to decide no matter what YOU think.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

No way. By age 11 their opinion carries weight. Sure, the parent' has a final say--but most parents would ascertain both the desire and the ability to do so safely into their decision.
Lets say the kid got invited to a sleep over with someone they don't like and they don't want to go. Are you seriously saying that the kids dislike for the other kid would not be taken into consideration? Of course it would.
Now, maybe, the answer is "its your cousins birthday, so you have to go", but absent some odd circumstance, I doubt too many parents would force that if its just some kid from their school or neighborhood.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 10:12:59 AM

Who is talking about a birthday party? But, regardless, the parent gets to decide what the child will have the say in.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I've already said he should get to, but that's based upon what the mother wrote and her determination. It has nothing to do with what the kid wants to do.
Of course it factors into the decision.
flan
No, it doesn't. Regardless of what he wants, if the parent doesn't think it is safe, the answer is NO.

Child asks.
Parents weighs safety.
Parent decides.

No way. By age 11 their opinion carries weight. Sure, the parent' has a final say--but most parents would ascertain both the desire and the ability to do so safely into their decision.
Lets say the kid got invited to a sleep over with someone they don't like and they don't want to go. Are you seriously saying that the kids dislike for the other kid would not be taken into consideration? Of course it would.
Now, maybe, the answer is "its your cousins birthday, so you have to go", but absent some odd circumstance, I doubt too many parents would force that if its just some kid from their school or neighborhood.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 10:12:59 AM
Thank you husker.
Are you going to force your kid to play sports if they don't want to?
flan

I'm going to force my kid to exercise even if they don't want to. Their "choice" would be the one I choose to give them - what sport do you want to play? I didn't force DD to play soccer (even though she is good at it), but I did make her choose a sport to play even though she'd rather sit on the couch and watch TV. It's called parenting.

FNW · Guru

I wouldn't force my kids to play sports. Horrible. I don't pawn my kids off to after school or weekend activities in the name of exercise. I plan family activities. Let's go swimming. Let's go throw the ball around in the park. I wonder if the snakes are back at Great Falls, let's go for a hike and find out, we'll pack a picnic. Let's go strawberry picking. Let's go to the museum and see the new t-rex exhibit. Let's go to the mall and see if anyone is flying kites. The bushes are getting too big, let's do yardwork. Dad will prune, I'll rake, you bag.

The boys are involved in taekwondo because they begged. They begged to play little league, until they realized there would be no free time to do family outings or go to amusement parks or use the pool. That might change when they older, but for now, they are content with playing with each other and enjoying family fun.

Some kids are just not athletic, and that should be okay. Self-esteem and teamwork can be established by nurturing the mind, too. There are ways to live an active lifestyle without forcing sports down the throats of the young. I just hate seeing parents do that.

And there's nothing wrong with some binge TV/movie watching on a rainy day. We don't need to be active 24/7. Even kids need some down time.

-- Edited by FNW on Thursday 7th of April 2016 11:01:45 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

FNW wrote:
I wouldn't force my kids to play sports. Horrible. I don't pawn my kids off to after school or weekend activities in the name of exercise. I plan family activities. Let's go swimming. Let's go throw the ball around in the park. I wonder if the snakes are back at Great Falls, let's go for a hike and find out, we'll pack a picnic. Let's go strawberry picking. Let's go to the museum and see the new t-rex exhibit. Let's go to the mall and see if anyone is flying kites.

The boys are involved in taekwondo because they begged. They begged to play little league, until they realized there would be no free time to do family outings or go to amusement parks or use the pool. That might change when they older, but for now, they are content with playing with each other and enjoying family fun.

Some kids are just not athletic, and that should be okay. Self-esteem and teamwork can be established by nurturing the mind, too. There are ways to live an active lifestyle without forcing sports down the throats of the young. I just hate seeing parents do that.

And there's nothing wrong with some binge TV/movie watching on a rainy day. We don't need to be active 24/7. Even kids need some down time.

Sports teach dedication, teamwork, and accountability. They have benefits beyond family trips to the pool.

And I don't care if they are good at it or play it forever, it is still a good experience to have.

And after making DD pick a sport, she chose tennis. She's playing singles and doubles, and LOVES it.

Kids like repetition, stability and routine. You have to make them try new things to find out they will like them.

Just like food.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Both my boys played sports. They also rode bikes and skateboards. They played video games.

"Sports teach dedication, teamwork, and accountability."

Unfortunately, LL, sports also teach that some parents cheat so their kid can win. Some coaches are good, some not so good.

Other life lessons...

flan