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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Amy: Should I Force Daughter to Keep Playing Piano?


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Dear Amy: Should I Force Daughter to Keep Playing Piano?
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Dear Amy: Our 10-year-old daughter has been taking piano lessons since she was five. She’s quite good, but to say she hates it would be the understatement of the year. She protests every time we ask her to practice, openly tells us she doesn’t want to play anymore and is now beginning to give her piano teacher a hard time.

She has started playing the flute in school and seems to have taken to it quite easily (thanks to her ability to understand music due to five years of piano playing). She’s a straight-A student, is on a competitive gymnastics team and is an otherwise near-perfect child.

We feel that knowing how to play music will benefit her greatly down the road. Seriously, she literally kicks and screams over playing, but then I envision her as an adult one day thanking us for making her play.

How long should we make her keep taking piano lessons? — Dad-D-Flat

Dear Dad: I shared your question with Alexandra Scott, a professional musician in New Orleans, who teaches piano to children your daughter’s age.

Here’s her reply: “Let her stop. If she’s had five years of piano, she’s developed a solid understanding of the instrument and probably of basic theory that will serve her well in later life. Clearly she likes music, since she wants to play the flute; but forcing her to play an instrument she doesn’t want to play could easily make her turn away from music altogether.

“I’m also a strong believer in the power of giving someone some space, which is to say, with a few months or a year off from piano lessons, she might actually find that she misses them and wants to play again. BUT if she doesn’t, I’d strongly encourage you to allow her to follow her choice.”

My additional advice is that you see your daughter not as “near-perfect” but “already-perfect,” just as she is.

http://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2016/04/12/ask-amy-best-friend-worries-roommate-drinking/82774766/

 



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My daughter is kind of at an impasse. She has taking lessons since she was about 7. And, now she is 14. Life just seems to get busier. And, she had been dragging her feet about practicing, etc. She does enjoy playing. However, i recognize that for her, this is a hobby, not a career path. Up to this point, I had felt it in her best interest to play. And, she is very active in the band, the jazz band and also plays clarinet. But with AAU basketball and traveling and other things, i gave her the option of taking a break for the rest of the bball season. So, we have another month of bball. After that, i am going to leave it up to her whether to continue. I hope she does. But, it really needs to be her decision.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

My daughter is kind of at an impasse. She has taking lessons since she was about 7. And, now she is 14. Life just seems to get busier. And, she had been dragging her feet about practicing, etc. She does enjoy playing. However, i recognize that for her, this is a hobby, not a career path. Up to this point, I had felt it in her best interest to play. And, she is very active in the band, the jazz band and also plays clarinet. But with AAU basketball and traveling and other things, i gave her the option of taking a break for the rest of the bball season. So, we have another month of bball. After that, i am going to leave it up to her whether to continue. I hope she does. But, it really needs to be her decision.


I suspect that she will not "unlearn" what she knows, if she takes a break from piano lessons for a while. 

Pianos are hard for a band to lug around, but she might find playing an electronic keyboard with her band will bring her some pleasure, and maybe help the band too.

 



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If she hates it, she's never going to be a concert pianist. It taught her about music, which will serve her forever. Let her stop.

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I don't know why we seem to think everyone who plays the piano needs to do so to become a concert pianist. There are even less of them than NBA players, lol. It's purely a hobby for the vast majority of people. But, it is a hobby that requires discipline to really have it become something you enjoy. All of my kids had music lessons. It was clear after awhile that my sons would NEVER pick up their instrument just for their own personal enjoyment. That was the point i allowed them to quit. They were in band from 4th to 8th grade. And, they even had private lessons. But, they didn't ever play for FUN for themselves. DD on the other hand would sit at the piano herself and play for fun. At this point, she enjoys playing, but I think there are other things on her plate right now. I do think that the years of lessons may be something she goes back to later on.

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I'm not sure why any parent would think it's a good idea to "force" their child to continue with an extra-curricular they don't enjoy. Sounds more like the parent is trying to live vicariously through their child.

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I think that as a parent, if i am going to make a significant financial investment to purchase a musical instrument, then I think that it is reasonable to tell you child, there is a committment period of x weeks, months, years if we are going to do this. However, i recognize this to be a HOBBY and and not a career also.
But, for other things, I don't have a problem with a child quitting. Because if you force them to continue everything they don't like, at some point, they will simply quit trying anything new for fear of being stuck doing it for years. And, isn't the whole point to try and explore a variety of things? I personally do not have a problem if my child wants to try a new sport and doesn't like it and decides to quit. I don't have any issue with that whatsoever. In fact, it is preferable. You are letting the team down, not by quitting, but by continuuing to be a presence on a team you really don't want to play for. That is far more detrimental to your teammates than is quitting. If your heart isn't in it, then quit. No harm, no foul.

Now, if you signed up to pick up trash for the next 6 weekends to help the community, then yes you will fulfill that obligation. We have to teach our kids the difference between obligation and duty and simply just exploring hobbies. Hobbies are for fun. Obligation and duty are things like helping clean the house, take care of the family pet , and so forth.

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Well, did you make that financial investment in the instrument because YOU wanted to or because the child wanted to? That makes a big difference. If you tell a child "I bought this instrument for you to learn to play" that's different than the child being interested in the instrument and asking for lessons etc.

As parents, we need to model what we expect. They say one important way to develop good reading habits in your children is to let them see you reading for pleasure. How many people who demand their child learn an instrument are playing an instrument themselves? If you ant your child to be active and play sports - are you engaging in any type of physical activity or are you a couch potato ? Set the example.

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Mellow Momma wrote:

Well, did you make that financial investment in the instrument because YOU wanted to or because the child wanted to? That makes a big difference. If you tell a child "I bought this instrument for you to learn to play" that's different than the child being interested in the instrument and asking for lessons etc.

As parents, we need to model what we expect. They say one important way to develop good reading habits in your children is to let them see you reading for pleasure. How many people who demand their child learn an instrument are playing an instrument themselves? If you ant your child to be active and play sports - are you engaging in any type of physical activity or are you a couch potato ? Set the example.


   Those are good points.  However, as a parent, i make decisions for my child.  And, that may include a dedicated period of learning an instrument.  As for modeling.  That's true to a point.  However, i already DID my homework.  I did all the things that i was expected to do.  I can play an instrument.  Actually, i can play 3 instruments.  I don't play much now because i am busy with other things in life, so no i don't need to model that as if i am still learning to play.  I also was highly active in sports.  I still do physical activity, but no i don't have the time to dedicate it in the same way as my kids do and when i did when i was a kid.  I have a home, job, responsibilities that they dont'.  So, yeah we are not couch potatoes.  I coach basketball, ride bikes and we play a lot of badminton but i already DID all of those things and excelled at them.  Now it is their turn to do the work. 



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So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.

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Being able to read and understand music is a life skill - one that you can use even when you don't play an instrument. Singing in a choir - helping your kids that want to learn to play, it's a useful thing to know.

But after this many years of piano, I think she knows how to read music.

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Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.



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I agree. But those were not the reasons in the OP. The reasons were because the mother could envision the child as an adult thanking her for making her play. And a "it will benefit her down the road".

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well, if the daughter was gifted, she'd only need a couple of years of lessons to know it/prove it--natural talent, particularly perfect/relative pitch, is immediately discernible by any music teacher worth their salt

obviously the child is bored with the lessons--this could in fact be the teacher's fault--just not challenging the child enough or it could be that the child lacks any particular gift for the instrument and has recognized it for herself

agree, no sense continuing the lessons if the child is resistant--perhaps another instrument--wind instrument/percussion/voice--might rekindle the child's interest in music--five years is a long time for anyone to practice scales/arpeggios, etc.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.


 But there's no way in purgatory you'll learn to drive a stick. 

You're hilarious. 



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I wanted to learn piano when I was growing up. My grandmother had a beautiful upright. We did not have room for it. Before she died, she gave it to me. I had to keep it in storage for the same reason. I eventually sold it after she passed. I wished I hadn't. I took piano lessons as an adult for several years. I feel it's probably easier to learn it when you young. But I fulfilled my dream of learning it, and still play from time to time. Not often enough since having children.

That being said, growing up in So. Cal, there was a certain stigma surrounding kids who played in the school band. It conjured up visions of pimply faced nerds, like depicted below.  Kind of like the lyrics in that Brad Paisley song, "Better On-line" where he says the only time he's been to California was when he played tuba in the marching band.   Kids in the school band were just not popular or members of the "cool kids" club.    I had a very good friend who was in the band.  They got to go to Europe and various places, and had a blast.   At the same time, the "cool kids"  looked down on her.  Sad, really.  Kids can be so cruel.

If a child does not want to do something that isn't really a "make or break" as far as her education, as a parent, I wouldn't shun their desires.  There might be a reason...bullying, for example.  You just never know, and forcing them to do something can often backfire.

band-mullet-clarinet-boy-school-picture.

 

 



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lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.


 But there's no way in purgatory you'll learn to drive a stick. 

You're hilarious. 


 Ok?   I never tanned leather or did taxidermy either.  Not sure of your point.



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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.


 But there's no way in purgatory you'll learn to drive a stick. 

You're hilarious. 


 Ok?   I never tanned leather or did taxidermy either.  Not sure of your point.


 I find it funny how important you think reading music is but not driving a stick.

It's just funny to me.

 



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I started taking piano lessons and the weekend after my first lesson I broke my arm just behind my wrist. Was in a cast for 8 weeks.

Cast went from my fingertips to above my elbow.

My career as a concert pianist was dashed.

LOL....

Honestly, it was not my idea to take lessons. I did not want to do it. I had never been so relieved to break a bone in my life.

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lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.


 But there's no way in purgatory you'll learn to drive a stick. 

You're hilarious. 


 Ok?   I never tanned leather or did taxidermy either.  Not sure of your point.


 I find it funny how important you think reading music is but not driving a stick.

It's just funny to me.

 


 OK.  I think music is important.  I don't think driving a stick is.  Soooo, sue me i guess?  evileye



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See her as "perfect"?

Stupid advice. No one is perfect--even your own children.

Viewing them as such is not healthy.

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Yeah, what is a "near perfect" child? My kids don't need to be "perfect" whatever the Heck that is. They just need to be who they are. I don't get the "perfect' kind of talk. I find that bizarre.

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lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

So what you are showing them, in my opinion, is playing an instrument is just something kids do. It isn't important enough for me to do it. And while yes, homework is something kids do, if you (General you not LGS) are going to be the kind of parent who tells their child to learn to play an instrument because "you will be glad when you are an adult that you know how" and they never see you play an instrument...it becomes just like any other thing they learn in school and don't understand the need for. Like calculus. Lol.

I think learning an instrument is important. Studies show that kids who are active in music do better in math and in school in general. It helps them improve their logic and reasoning. But forcing the child to do something they don't want to do, and using the excuse that they will be glad when they are older (like the OP) is just ridiculous. Especially if they don't see adults in their lives playing.


   I think music is just as important to learn as math and science.  It is a very important cornerstone in their development.  DH doesn't play anything, never learned.  Music for me has always been important.  I even taught myself the guitar and played in the church band.  I wasn't very good but i tried.  And, my kids were younger and saw me teaching myself and playing.  However, the last few years, they are older and it isn't something i have been doing.  But, i pick it up from time to time and when life slows down a bit, i will probably go back to it.  It is something that is always there.

  As for understanding the "need", they don't necessarily have to understand that.  You really aren't going to convince them that they will "need" those skills later.  And, it isn't about needing the skills later, it is about opening parts of their brain to new information which helps teach them critical thinking and turn them into a well rounded person.


 But there's no way in purgatory you'll learn to drive a stick. 

You're hilarious. 


 Ok?   I never tanned leather or did taxidermy either.  Not sure of your point.


 I find it funny how important you think reading music is but not driving a stick.

It's just funny to me.

 


 What kind of comparison is that?  Music has been proven to improve the mind and help the brain develop better.  Knowing how to drive a stick does what?  Prepares you in case you are in some very rare (and getting rarer) circumstance you might need?  Well, you might also need to know how to build a shelter out of twigs, or start a fire with rocks, or make a tourniquet - yet how many people can do all those things. 

Not comparable.



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FNW wrote:

I wanted to learn piano when I was growing up. My grandmother had a beautiful upright. We did not have room for it. Before she died, she gave it to me. I had to keep it in storage for the same reason. I eventually sold it after she passed. I wished I hadn't. I took piano lessons as an adult for several years. I feel it's probably easier to learn it when you young. But I fulfilled my dream of learning it, and still play from time to time. Not often enough since having children.

That being said, growing up in So. Cal, there was a certain stigma surrounding kids who played in the school band. It conjured up visions of pimply faced nerds, like depicted below.  Kind of like the lyrics in that Brad Paisley song, "Better On-line" where he says the only time he's been to California was when he played tuba in the marching band.   Kids in the school band were just not popular or members of the "cool kids" club.    I had a very good friend who was in the band.  They got to go to Europe and various places, and had a blast.   At the same time, the "cool kids"  looked down on her.  Sad, really.  Kids can be so cruel.

If a child does not want to do something that isn't really a "make or break" as far as her education, as a parent, I wouldn't shun their desires.  There might be a reason...bullying, for example.  You just never know, and forcing them to do something can often backfire.

band-mullet-clarinet-boy-school-picture.

 

 


 That is not the same at every school.  We had a quarter of the kids in our school band - including many of the cool kids. 

 

As for that pimply nerd - maybe it wasn't the clarinet so much as the hair.  A girl mullet?????



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I'm too old to learn how to drive a stick.

flan

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Because you just never know when you're in a bar and someone comes in to rob it but will let hostages go if you play them a tune.....

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Twelve Benefits of Music Education

1. Early musical training helps develop brain areas involved in language and reasoning. It is thought that brain development continues for many years after birth. Recent studies have clearly indicated that musical training physically develops the part of the left side of the brain known to be involved with processing language, and can actually wire the brain’s circuits in specific ways. Linking familiar songs to new information can also help imprint information on young minds.

2. There is also a causal link between music and spatial intelligence (the ability to perceive the world accurately and to form mental pictures of things). This kind of intelligence, by which one can visualize various elements that should go together, is critical to the sort of thinking necessary for everything from solving advanced mathematics problems to being able to pack a book-bag with everything that will be needed for the day.

3. Students of the arts learn to think creatively and to solve problems by imagining various solutions, rejecting outdated rules and assumptions. Questions about the arts do not have only one right answer.

4. Recent studies show that students who study the arts are more successful on standardized tests such as the SAT. They also achieve higher grades in high school.

5. A study of the arts provides children with an internal glimpse of other cultures and teaches them to be empathetic towards the people of these cultures. This development of compassion and empathy, as opposed to development of greed and a “me first” attitude, provides a bridge across cultural chasms that leads to respect of other races at an early age.

6. Students of music learn craftsmanship as they study how details are put together painstakingly and what constitutes good, as opposed to mediocre, work. These standards, when applied to a student’s own work, demand a new level of excellence and require students to stretch their inner resources.

7. In music, a mistake is a mistake; the instrument is in tune or not, the notes are well played or not, the entrance is made or not. It is only by much hard work that a successful performance is possible. Through music study, students learn the value of sustained effort to achieve excellence and the concrete rewards of hard work.

8. Music study enhances teamwork skills and discipline. In order for an orchestra to sound good, all players must work together harmoniously towards a single goal, the performance, and must commit to learning music, attending rehearsals, and practicing.

9. Music provides children with a means of self-expression. Now that there is relative security in the basics of existence, the challenge is to make life meaningful and to reach for a higher stage of development. Everyone needs to be in touch at some time in his life with his core, with what he is and what he feels. Self-esteem is a by-product of this self-expression.

10. Music study develops skills that are necessary in the workplace. It focuses on “doing,” as opposed to observing, and teaches students how to perform, literally, anywhere in the world. Employers are looking for multi-dimensional workers with the sort of flexible and supple intellects that music education helps to create as described above. In the music classroom, students can also learn to better communicate and cooperate with one another.

11. Music performance teaches young people to conquer fear and to take risks. A little anxiety is a good thing, and something that will occur often in life. Dealing with it early and often makes it less of a problem later. Risk-taking is essential if a child is to fully develop his or her potential. Music contributes to mental health and can help prevent risky behavior such as teenage drug abuse.

12. An arts education exposes children to the incomparable.

Carolyn Phillips is the author of the Twelve Benefits of Music Education. She is the Former Executive Director of the Norwalk Youth Symphony, CT.



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http://time.com/3634995/study-kids-engaged-music-class-for-benefits-northwestern/

 

http://www.nafme.org/20-important-benefits-of-music-in-our-schools/

 

http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/music-arts/the-benefits-of-music-education/

 

http://www.schoolatoz.nsw.edu.au/homework-and-study/other-subjects-and-projects/the-arts/why-your-child-should-study-music



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Funny, I couldn't find any articles where studying music harmed a student's brain.

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None of these benefits will be achieved if the child doesn't want to do it.

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FNW wrote:

None of these benefits will be achieved if the child doesn't want to do it.


Some of them will be.  Kids don't want to do homework or chores, either, that doesn't mean you just say ok.  

And I already said it was time to let her quit.  But again - kids need to be made to TRY new things, including music.



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I agree, they should always be required to try new things, including music. It's really a non-issue for us, since music is part of their curriculum.

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She is plenty old enough to want know she wants to quit.
Why make it a hill to die on?

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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

She is plenty old enough to want know she wants to quit.
Why make it a hill to die on?


 So kids should be able to quit anything they don't like?



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huskerbb wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

She is plenty old enough to want know she wants to quit.
Why make it a hill to die on?


 So kids should be able to quit anything they don't like?


 Depends on the things. Does she get to quit doing homework? No. Does she get to quit brushing her teeth? No. But an instrument or sport? Why on earth not? 

How is she ever goingnto learn to prioritize or balance her life if EVERYTHING is of equal importance amd she can't quit? 

We tell adults to do what makes us happy, to put yourself first sometimes, but all we tell kids is how to put others first and tonignore their own needs amd wants. 

If she wants to play she can, if she doesn’t,  just drop it. 



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huskerbb wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

She is plenty old enough to want know she wants to quit.
Why make it a hill to die on?


 So kids should be able to quit anything they don't like?


1. She's been taking lessons for FIVE years.

2. She has switched to the flute.

3. She also takes gymnastics.

flan



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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

She is plenty old enough to want know she wants to quit.
Why make it a hill to die on?


 So kids should be able to quit anything they don't like?


 Depends on the things. Does she get to quit doing homework? No. Does she get to quit brushing her teeth? No. But an instrument or sport? Why on earth not? 

How is she ever goingnto learn to prioritize or balance her life if EVERYTHING is of equal importance amd she can't quit? 

We tell adults to do what makes us happy, to put yourself first sometimes, but all we tell kids is how to put others first and tonignore their own needs amd wants. 

If she wants to play she can, if she doesn’t,  just drop it. 


 How will she learn the importance of sticking to tasks if she gets to quit everything.



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Whether or not the child should be able to quit will depend on a lot of factors. First, is the child any good? Is the child wanting to quit just to have more free time or to do something else? Do they honestly and truly hate it, or do they just complain a lot?

We had a young man (18) playing piano at our church for a while. He played beautifully. He told DD12 (10 at the time) that for a while he hated it, but his parents made him continue anyway b/c he was good at it. Well, as he grew up, he became very grateful b/c starting at age 16 he played weddings and for churches and was able to do that to make money instead of a regular job. At 18, the kid had bought himself a Camaro and a motorcycle with his own money. And he left our church b/c he got a JOB at a university in the music department which would allow him free tuition to attend college there.

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Look, I'm pretty big on having another "plan" if You are going to quit something. In that respect, a flute is an alternative plan.

However, piano is more likely to be used later in life than flute. Flute for most people ends with marching band days.

I might tend to let her quit--but mostly because I don't want the hassle. I'm not sure that is ultimately in the best interest of the child.

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"it's supposed to be hard, it's the hard that makes it great."



-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 18th of April 2016 12:19:37 PM

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After a few years of having to force practice, I don't see the point in making a kid continue.

Maybe give a different instrument a try.



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Instruments are expensive to just "try".

However, most of the time you don't have to own the piano.

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huskerbb wrote:

Instruments are expensive to just "try".

However, most of the time you don't have to own the piano.


 You can rent any instrument. 

Give it a month or two to try it.

And then there is school.

Most schools have a band program.

And if you don't have a piano, you can't do the daily practice that is needed.

Plus, if someone is determined their child play an instrument, they will want the instrument they want to play.



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lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Instruments are expensive to just "try".

However, most of the time you don't have to own the piano.


 You can rent any instrument. 

Give it a month or two to try it.

And then there is school.

Most schools have a band program.

And if you don't have a piano, you can't do the daily practice that is needed.

Plus, if someone is determined their child play an instrument, they will want the instrument they want to play.


 Schools do have a band program.  You have to buy an instrument to be in it--unless you play piano.  

 

 



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huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Instruments are expensive to just "try".

However, most of the time you don't have to own the piano.


 You can rent any instrument. 

Give it a month or two to try it.

And then there is school.

Most schools have a band program.

And if you don't have a piano, you can't do the daily practice that is needed.

Plus, if someone is determined their child play an instrument, they will want the instrument they want to play.


 Schools do have a band program.  You have to buy an instrument to be in it--unless you play piano.  

 

 


Here, you can rent the instruments from the school. Most parents just do that.   



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Yes. No one is going to buy an instrument just so the kid can try it. Here they can rent it for a small fee and buy it (minus the fees paid) if they want to at the end of the year.

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I also think part of the problem is the way the title is worded. People have a visceral reaction to the word "force".



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huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Instruments are expensive to just "try".

However, most of the time you don't have to own the piano.


 You can rent any instrument. 

Give it a month or two to try it.

And then there is school.

Most schools have a band program.

And if you don't have a piano, you can't do the daily practice that is needed.

Plus, if someone is determined their child play an instrument, they will want the instrument they want to play.


 Schools do have a band program.  You have to buy an instrument to be in it--unless you play piano.  

 

 


 I've had 3 go through it.

Rented the instrument until they settled on one.

And at the end of middle, or they left band, the company bought the instruments back.

I was in band, percussion, for 4 years.

Tried several before I settled.

Brother played sax from 6th grade to graduation. Tried different instruments before settling on that one.

The big investment in playing an instrument isn't money.

It's time.

Just about everyone in my family play something. Or multiple somethings.

Instruments don't have to be expensive. 

 



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If it were me, I'd probably try to strike a deal with DD - if you promise to practice once a week, we'll take the summer off for lessons. Sometimes, people just need a break.

And I'm not above bribery.

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Yeah. A break usually makes a big difference.

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