Dear Amy: My husband says that when I help the hostess at a dinner party I am “demeaning myself” and that I’m acting like a servant.
I have worked as both a waitress and worked in catering, so I know how to do this quickly and easily.
I do not think I am demeaning myself. I think I’m helping.
At some point before dinner, while the hostess is in the kitchen, I say, “What can I do to help?” If she does not need help, I just keep her company for part of the time.
I am not sure if this is an etiquette question or a marital question. The last time we discussed this, when he said this was embarrassing to him, I told him he really should worry about himself — not me.
If I am wrong, I’ll stop. What do you think?
Helpful
Helpful: If your husband thinks that cooking and serving food is demeaning, then (obviously) you should remind him of this the next time you are cooking and serving food to him — or to guests in your own home.
However, it is presumptuous to dive into your hosts’ food prep, unless you are explicitly invited to do so. Your job as a guest is to be a guest — helping your host to entertain the other guests by engaging in conversation with them while the host is busy.
You should always follow the host’s lead.
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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
