TOTALLY GEEKED!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

RE: Dear Amy: My kid won't move out.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Truth is, I am living in a house I worked and helped pay for.

I don't feel the need to justify anything.

They are running out of arguments so the next thing is to try to attack.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

lilyofcourse wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Truth is, I am living in a house I worked and helped pay for.
I don't feel the need to justify anything.
They are running out of arguments so the next thing is to try to attack.

That is a great attitude! And of course you are correct plus your situation details are none of their business. You have no need to justify.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I guess anyone who lives with another isn't self sufficient.

Not if they are not paying the full share of what it would cost.

If her parents agreed that she pay ZERO, and she did that--would that make her self sufficient? That's a BS argument. Just because you pay what mama and daddy allow you to pay does not make you self-sufficient if it is anything less than a full cost of what it would take you to live anywhere else.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.

And if I do--I may or may not be self-sufficient. I would probably almost certainly be relying on my wife.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
The daughter is meeting her responsibilities.

Period.

That is NOT REMOTELY the same thing as being self sufficient.

A 10 year old can "meet their responsibilities" if they are going to school, keeping up with homework, doing household chores as required, etc...--does that make them self-sufficient?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How does she know she can meet her responsibilities until she has actually moved out? Yes, young adults need to be ADULTS. If they move back home later to help be part of the home or help parents, etc then fine. But, she hasn't done that yet. And, so far, her BF is a loser.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.
And if I do--I may or may not be self-sufficient. I would probably almost certainly be relying on my wife.

Well Husker, that would just be very irresponsible and piggish of you. how could you possibly MAKE your wife support you if you became disabled and couldn't contribute as much to the household expenses as you once did even though you OWN the house. She should kick you to the side even though you have that agreement to take care of each other.

Your opinion is so hypercritical and you owe an apology or at least a retraction of your post.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think it is important for my kids to be able to establish themselves and pay their own bills, work, manage their money, before they get married. And i would want them to live on their own to prove to themselves they can do it.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.
And if I do--I may or may not be self-sufficient. I would probably almost certainly be relying on my wife.
Well Husker, that would just be very irresponsible and piggish of you. how could you possibly MAKE your wife support you if you became disabled and couldn't contribute as much to the household expenses as you once did even though you OWN the house. She should kick you to the side even though you have that agreement to take care of each other.
Your opinion is so hypercritical and you owe an apology or at least a retraction of your post.

BS. If you rely on others--you are not self-sufficient. That is a FACT. How is that "hypocritical"?

chef · Guru

I live in a fairly cheap area. $400 here for a room is more than reasonable. Twice that would get her a very nice 2 bedroom apartment. However, that would be just rent, no utilities.

Is she self-sufficient? Depends. Does she make enough to live alone and would rather have roommates? I'd consider that self-sufficient. My problem is that she is out partying every weekend. I have to wonder if she is only able to party every weekend because she is saving on rent and other expenses. If that's the case, I don't think she's quite self-sufficient. However, if her income is such that she *can* afford to live alone and she's only partying because she can, I would consider her self-sufficient.

I don't have a problem with multi-generational living. It's normal in my family. Frankly, I view it as a good way to be frugal. No sense in paying rent if your parents are cool with you living at home. The first apartment I got was to prove to myself that I can live alone so that box got checked. But, I never minded living at home. I had my money and I did my thing. I was never asked to pay rent as my family just doesn't work that way. We're a pitch in where needed family.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The fact that she is paying rent is a good thing. That demonstrates that she is a responsible lady. However, if she is getting bogged down with a BF that hasn't even begun to take care of himself, that would be very concerning to me as a parent. Unless and until he steps up, i would not want to push her towards him. Doesn't mean the BF isn't a nice person, but there are a lot of nice people who become people that glom off of others.
But, there is nothing wrong with her stepdad to want to live without adult children living there. At this point, i would just tell her, time for you to find an apt. And, i would offer to pay the first month rent and security deposit to get her out of the house. Move her in to the apt and then say, ok, now you are on your own. You are welcome to come over every Sunday for dinner.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.

"Mean?" He is stating a fact.

In the case of the OP, self-sufficient does not mean living at home for years & paying a token rent.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sounds like someone is trying to justify their own reliance on others.
Bingo!
flan
The only way either of you will learn the meanness and injustice of your posts is to become disabled yourselves.
And if I do--I may or may not be self-sufficient. I would probably almost certainly be relying on my wife.
Well Husker, that would just be very irresponsible and piggish of you. how could you possibly MAKE your wife support you if you became disabled and couldn't contribute as much to the household expenses as you once did even though you OWN the house. She should kick you to the side even though you have that agreement to take care of each other.
Your opinion is so hypercritical and you owe an apology or at least a retraction of your post.
BS. If you rely on others--you are not self-sufficient. That is a FACT. How is that "hypocritical"?

husker, she said "hypercritical," which isn't true here. If a poster shares details of their life, others will comment.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't have a problem with adult children living with parents. If it is an arrangement that everyone is happy with, then fine. But, the dad is not happy with the arrangement. I suspect that maybe mom isn't either but doesn't want to put her out.
One of Dh's friends has lived with his mom all of his life. He was an only child and his dad passed away at a young age. So, as he grew an became an adult, he lived with his mom. Then, when he got married, he bought a house and mom moved in with him and his family so they have always lived together. Nothing wrong with that. And, his wife knew and understood she was part of the package.

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
I live in a fairly cheap area. $400 here for a room is more than reasonable. Twice that would get her a very nice 2 bedroom apartment. However, that would be just rent, no utilities.

Is she self-sufficient? Depends. Does she make enough to live alone and would rather have roommates? I'd consider that self-sufficient. My problem is that she is out partying every weekend. I have to wonder if she is only able to party every weekend because she is saving on rent and other expenses. If that's the case, I don't think she's quite self-sufficient. However, if her income is such that she *can* afford to live alone and she's only partying because she can, I would consider her self-sufficient.

I don't have a problem with multi-generational living. It's normal in my family. Frankly, I view it as a good way to be frugal. No sense in paying rent if your parents are cool with you living at home. The first apartment I got was to prove to myself that I can live alone so that box got checked. But, I never minded living at home. I had my money and I did my thing. I was never asked to pay rent as my family just doesn't work that way. We're a pitch in where needed family.

I don't necessarily disagree--but--at least one of the parents ISN'T "cool" with it.

I also don't mind young adults living at home while they go to college or whatever--but she's out of college. She's 26. Time to leave the nest.

chef · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
chef wrote:
I live in a fairly cheap area. $400 here for a room is more than reasonable. Twice that would get her a very nice 2 bedroom apartment. However, that would be just rent, no utilities.

Is she self-sufficient? Depends. Does she make enough to live alone and would rather have roommates? I'd consider that self-sufficient. My problem is that she is out partying every weekend. I have to wonder if she is only able to party every weekend because she is saving on rent and other expenses. If that's the case, I don't think she's quite self-sufficient. However, if her income is such that she *can* afford to live alone and she's only partying because she can, I would consider her self-sufficient.

I don't have a problem with multi-generational living. It's normal in my family. Frankly, I view it as a good way to be frugal. No sense in paying rent if your parents are cool with you living at home. The first apartment I got was to prove to myself that I can live alone so that box got checked. But, I never minded living at home. I had my money and I did my thing. I was never asked to pay rent as my family just doesn't work that way. We're a pitch in where needed family.
I don't necessarily disagree--but--at least one of the parents ISN'T "cool" with it.
I also don't mind young adults living at home while they go to college or whatever--but she's out of college. She's 26. Time to leave the nest.

I agree that both parents need to be on the same page.

In my family, there isn't an expiration date on living at home so, for me, it's foreign to feel one has to leave the nest just because one reaches a certain age.