I am a 32-year-old owner of a small company with a handful of employees. One of my employees, “Laura,” wears her hair in an extremely tight ponytail every day. I have noticed that Laura has a significantly receding hairline and thinning hair around her face, probably due to traction alopecia, a condition where hair loss is caused by overly tight hairstyles. If traction persists, the hair loss can be permanent, but it can also be halted or reversed in early stages by changing hairstyles. Many women are not aware that hair loss can be caused by tight hairstyles, and I believe that Laura may not have this information. Is there a tactful way I can share it with her? For reference, Laura is Mexican American and I am white, and her tight ponytail is a popular hairstyle among Mexican American women her age. I don’t want to seem to be critiquing her cultural hair choices. Laura and I are close and friendly, and we chat several times a day.
I’ve thought about doing something subtle, like wearing my hair in a tight ponytail one day and then taking my hair down and commenting to her that I make sure to give my hair a “rest,” to avoid baldness and receding hairline caused by tight ponytails. Is that weird or too subtle? I would feel badly if she experienced permanent baldness because I never alerted her, but for all I know she doesn’t even mind her receding hairline. I also don’t want to make her self-conscious at work.
—Hairy Situation
The Serenity Prayer is a popular mantra used by people in recovery that runs something like this: May I be granted the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I wish for you an added dose of serenity and wisdom. You have spent more time obsessing over your employee’s hairline than I have spent on entire relationships. There is no polite way you can tell your employee you believe she’s developed traction alopecia through “a popular hairstyle among Mexican American women her age.” It is not your business. You are her boss, and she is your employee; her hairline does not affect her ability to do her job and therefore does not fall under your purview.
Your idea to mimic her hairstyle and ostentatiously take your hair down in front of her desk is, to put it mildly, not good. You ask if it is weird or too subtle—I offer you a resounding Yes to the first and a more resounding No to the second. Do not do this. It would be creepy and inappropriate and make Laura feel deeply uncomfortable. You have no idea if she has thinning hair because of genetics or tight ponytails or any other number of reasons, and there is no reason for you to feel responsible for the possibility of her going bald. Surely there are more pressing matters for you to concern yourself with. Focus on running your business, and whenever you interact with Laura, maintain strict eye contact.
There's a woman at my church....her daughter also is in my son's class...her husband is in the military. A couple years ago when he was in Afghanistan, there was a school party. She had her hair down, wore a cute outfit, and was rocking out to the music. Ever since he came home she wears her hair pulled up tight in a bun and wears unflattering clothes. My guess is she doesn't want to look too attractive because she already gave birth to 8 children. But I find it interesting, and a little bit suspect.
At any rate, it's none of my business, nor is it the LW's. But it's been my observation that type A's sometimes feel the need to control others, under the guise of being helpful.
There's a woman at my church....her daughter also is in my son's class...her husband is in the military. A couple years ago when he was in Afghanistan, there was a school party. She had her hair down, wore a cute outfit, and was rocking out to the music. Ever since he came home she wears her hair pulled up tight in a bun and wears unflattering clothes. My guess is she doesn't want to look too attractive because she already gave birth to 8 children. But I find it interesting, and a little bit suspect.
At any rate, it's none of my business, nor is it the LW's. But it's been my observation that type A's sometimes feel the need to control others, under the guise of being helpful.
That could be. But, if she has 8 kids, it just may be a lot easier to wear a bun and throw on whatever clothes she has.
Yes, but one is in college, one is in the military, a few are in high school....and all were home when her husband was away. Yet, she tried harder on herself when he wasn't there.
Yes, but one is in college, one is in the military, a few are in high school....and all were home when her husband was away. Yet, she tried harder on herself when he wasn't there.
Probably so, LGS. They seem like a nice enough family, but very reserved. The little girl is very friendly to me and talkative, but the other members are very quiet and not very approachable.
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
Boy, I don't know. There's a few people that should have a good friend to tell them that their head looks hideous that way.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
You should never ever comment on an employee's appearance unless you need to correct dress code or hygiene issues. Other than that, it is very poor practice to make comments about your employee's hair, makeup or clothing choices. Just don't.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Just because she doesn't like her appearance doesn't mean the lady doesn't like it. She may be losing her hair and maybe she doesn't care or it doesn't bother her or it just isn't something that concerns her. Just because something concerns you or you take note of it don't mean others think like you do.
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
Boy, I don't know. There's a few people that should have a good friend to tell them that their head looks hideous that way.
But the boss isn't saying that she looks hideous. She's concerned about the employee losing her hair.
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
Boy, I don't know. There's a few people that should have a good friend to tell them that their head looks hideous that way.
But the boss isn't saying that she looks hideous. She's concerned about the employee losing her hair.
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
Boy, I don't know. There's a few people that should have a good friend to tell them that their head looks hideous that way.
But the boss isn't saying that she looks hideous. She's concerned about the employee losing her hair.
flan
So what? It isn't HER concern.
Ummm...because she cares? If she wasn't her boss, would your opinion change?
I can't even begin to fathom a situation in which I'd feel compelled to tell someone about their hair. Perhaps if it was on fire. But to comment on their hairline? Nope.
Boy, I don't know. There's a few people that should have a good friend to tell them that their head looks hideous that way.
But the boss isn't saying that she looks hideous. She's concerned about the employee losing her hair.
flan
So what? It isn't HER concern.
Ummm...because she cares? If she wasn't her boss, would your opinion change?
flan
No. If she was a coworker it isn't her business either. The Boss can require a certain appearance as part of the job. Hair pulled back or a uniform or whatever. But, her hair loss isn't her concern.
You should never ever comment on an employee's appearance unless you need to correct dress code or hygiene issues. Other than that, it is very poor practice to make comments about your employee's hair, makeup or clothing choices. Just don't.
This. As long as they are in work dress code, you keep your mouth shut.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Being afraid that someone is going to lose their hair is NOT "caring?"
I had a friend who loved to dye her hair way too often. Yeah, I did express my concern.
flan
Friend. Not co worker.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Being afraid that someone is going to lose their hair is NOT "caring?"
I had a friend who loved to dye her hair way too often. Yeah, I did express my concern.
flan
Friend. Not co worker.
It IS possible to be both:
Laura and I are close and friendly.
flan
That does not mean friends.
Again, co worker vs friend.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
And irrelevant as to the OP. The OP is the owner of the company and should not comment on the employee's hair unless it gets in the way of her performing her job duties.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
