DEAR ABBY: I had an affair years ago, and I recently confessed to my spouse that our child isn't his. Things are really bad now between the two of us, and I don't think we are going to make it. My question is, do I tell my child the truth? -- IMPERFECT MOM IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR IMPERFECT: At some point your child will need to know his or her entire medical history. He or she may also wish to meet the biological father. If your child is young, the news can wait. But if he or she is nearing adulthood, that information could be important in case there are diseases that run in the father's family -- diabetes, heart disease, cancer and Alzheimer's among them.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Pretty much the only thing she focuses on is the STUPID "medical history" argument.
The FACT is that many people don't know all that much about their family's medical history. It's NOT that big of a deal.
WTF are you going to do if you have a family history of heart disease, anyway? Eat right and exercise? You should be doing that REGARDLESS of your family history.
I don't know whether or not this person should tell their child. Eventually, I would say yes--but when, whether, and how that is done depends on a LOT of factors other than this DUMB medical history crap.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think everyone has the right to know their own history. This child has a right to know who his/her biological father is. And, have the opportunity to look into it further if he/she wants to and the bio father is willing. As for when to tell, that really depends. The truth will come out. People can handle the truth. Covering up the truth results in far greater pain than the actual truth does. If it is a young child, then no, this is not the time. But, if the marriage is going sour, my guess is that it is going to be blurted out in anger at some point. But, how does she know the affair means that the other man is the father? At least do a DNA test with the current spouse to be sure before you blow the whole thing up.
THIS is how cheating destroys families and affects everyone, not just the two cheating.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.
Selfish people destroy lives.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I second getting a DNA test to be sure. And she also needs to tell the bio dad, assuming he doesn't already know. If the kid is going to want to meet him, she should give him a heads up so he has plenty of time to process the news.
I think everyone has the right to know their own history. This child has a right to know who his/her biological father is. And, have the opportunity to look into it further if he/she wants to and the bio father is willing. As for when to tell, that really depends. The truth will come out. People can handle the truth. Covering up the truth results in far greater pain than the actual truth does. If it is a young child, then no, this is not the time. But, if the marriage is going sour, my guess is that it is going to be blurted out in anger at some point. But, how does she know the affair means that the other man is the father? At least do a DNA test with the current spouse to be sure before you blow the whole thing up.
I don't disagree--but when you bother to write in to an advice columnist--the least she could do is help explore a couple of RELEVANT issues and how to work through those.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
She had an affair YEARS AGO and recently told her husband the child was not his. What was the compulsion to suddenly tell the truth? Couldn't she see how her husband would react? Or has she been watching too many TV dramas? I am guessing there are lots of fathers who have raised and are raising kids that are not theirs and they never found out......
I bet she told for the purpose of hurting the husband and to end the marriage.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think everyone has the right to know their own history. This child has a right to know who his/her biological father is. And, have the opportunity to look into it further if he/she wants to and the bio father is willing. As for when to tell, that really depends. The truth will come out. People can handle the truth. Covering up the truth results in far greater pain than the actual truth does. If it is a young child, then no, this is not the time. But, if the marriage is going sour, my guess is that it is going to be blurted out in anger at some point. But, how does she know the affair means that the other man is the father? At least do a DNA test with the current spouse to be sure before you blow the whole thing up.
She had an affair YEARS AGO and recently told her husband the child was not his. What was the compulsion to suddenly tell the truth? Couldn't she see how her husband would react? Or has she been watching too many TV dramas? I am guessing there are lots of fathers who have raised and are raising kids that are not theirs and they never found out......
