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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Cream Cheese Dilemma
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: Cream Cheese Dilemma
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Invited to dinner, on the way out the door I was called back by a ringing telephone. The daughter of my host called to ask me to make a detour on my way to pick up special cream cheese for an hors d'oeuvre she was preparing.

I did as asked and delivered the cheese. When she didn't offer to reimburse me for the purchase, I later presented her with the bill via email. This modern Millie then took me to task, reminding me that I was receiving value in the meal I partook.

Was I wrong to expect reimbursement for the cheese? And what do you make of this young woman's stance regarding what is to be expected of a guest?

GENTLE READER: Everyone is so out of line here, Miss Manners does not know where to start.

That the daughter of the host asked you to run an errand for her was cheeky (unless your relationship is like that of family, which Miss Manners is inferring it is not), and that she did not reimburse you is thoughtless.

But presenting her with a bill is not the answer. You could have said (sweetly) at the time, "It was lucky that I was still home when you called. The cream cheese cost $( ). If you're busy now, I can get that from you later." Or you could have let it go and resolved to be unavailable for future errand-running.

But that this unpleasantness escalated into an argument over the relative value of a dinner party and the host-to-guest monetary ratio is beyond all tenets of polite society -- and the very antitheses of graciousness. On that, Miss Manners regrets to inform you that if you are in it for the money, you will find yourself with a social life of diminishing returns.



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flan327


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Everyone is so out of line here, Miss Manners does not know where to start.

What else can you say?

flan



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flan327


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But now I am craving a cream cheese Danish...

flan

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Mmm...cream cheese. And, cheesecake. And, yum.

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lilyofcourse


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What?

How is asking this some big faux pas? And why would you get upset over a few bucks?

Goodness, bunch of idiots.

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Personally, I don't see anything wrong with asking for someone to pick up something on their way for a casual dinner party. And I would not expect to be reimbursed. Friendships are worth more than the cost of cheese.

If it's an imposition, then there really isn't much of a friendship. If you resent having to pitch in and help, it's not much of a friendship. If the cost bothers you, it isn't much of a friendship.



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Mary Zombie


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I wouldn't have asked for the money however I can understand th irritation in some cases. I had friends that would call me to fetch something on the way to their house all of the time. I had to stop answering the multiple calls once I left the house. Oops didn't hear the phone

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FNW


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Yeah, it can be annoying if it's a recurring thing, but then again, you don't have to answer......

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Lexxy


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How much is cream cheese $5 at the most? Seriously I would have picked it up & not expected to be reimbursed.

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Ohfour


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Lexxy wrote:

How much is cream cheese $5 at the most? Seriously I would have picked it up & not expected to be reimbursed.

To me, the bigger problem is that she had to go out of her way to get a "special" cream cheese. 

I don't mind picking up something on my way (I've been asked to grab a bag of ice, or a couple extra cokes), but to have to make a detour would rile me... 



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Lexxy


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Ohfour wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

How much is cream cheese $5 at the most? Seriously I would have picked it up & not expected to be reimbursed.

To me, the bigger problem is that she had to go out of her way to get a "special" cream cheese. 

I don't mind picking up something on my way (I've been asked to grab a bag of ice, or a couple extra cokes), but to have to make a detour would rile me... 

True.  If she knew she needed "special" cream cheese for her dish she should have planned ahead. Ootherwise here's the Philadelphia that  they sell at every store. 



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Ohfour


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Lexxy wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lexxy wrote:

How much is cream cheese $5 at the most? Seriously I would have picked it up & not expected to be reimbursed.

To me, the bigger problem is that she had to go out of her way to get a "special" cream cheese. 

I don't mind picking up something on my way (I've been asked to grab a bag of ice, or a couple extra cokes), but to have to make a detour would rile me... 

True.  If she knew she needed "special" cream cheese for her dish she should have planned ahead. Ootherwise here's the Philadelphia that  they sell at every store. 

YEP!  I would have told her that I would stop by Kroger to pick up good ole Philly, but I would not be able to detour for a special cheese. 



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lilyofcourse


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Heck, there is usually cream cheese in my fridge. I wouldn't even have to stop any where.

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Lexxy


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Heck, there is usually cream cheese in my fridge. I wouldn't even have to stop any where.

But is it "special" cream cheese? 



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lilyofcourse


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Lexxy wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

Heck, there is usually cream cheese in my fridge. I wouldn't even have to stop any where.

But is it "special" cream cheese? 

 I'll slap a bow on the Philly.



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ed11563


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Last night I woke up and wanted a grilled cheese sandwich.

Oops, no bread. But we have Matzo. good.

No American cheese. But we have whipped cream cheese.

Problem solved.

 



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Vette


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I would never make an issue about someone paying me back for something so stupid

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Lawyerlady


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VetteGirl wrote:

I would never make an issue about someone paying me back for something so stupid

 Neither would I.  It makes me think she is the kind that has no money 2 days after payday.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, asking someone to pick up some cream cheese doesn't seem like a biggie. And, yes, if i asked someone to pick me up something, i would certainly not forget to pay them for the item. So, she should have paid her when she got there or at least said, i will pay you after the party or whatever. But, she didnt' so that was wrong on her part. And, the other lady, to even want to waste her time trying to get $4 from someone for a pack of cream cheese seems equally wrong.

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apple


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I often have guests give me a courtesy call when they are en route asking "can I bring anything"?

I always say no but I think it is polite.

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Lawyerlady


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apple wrote:

I often have guests give me a courtesy call when they are en route asking "can I bring anything"?

I always say no but I think it is polite.

 Yes, exactly.  



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Cheerios4606


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Sorry... but how exactly is there a difference between doing what MM said, which is to ask for the money at the party, and doing what the writer did, which was to ask for the money after the party? Ugh. I see nothing whatsoever wrong with asking for the money regardless of when it was presented. ugh.

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Southern_Belle


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I'd hate to lose a friendship over cream cheese.

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Cheerios4606


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So true! I would never assume my friend should pick up the tab for my party regardless of how little the cream cheese was.

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Well it was the daughter, not the host, that asked for the errand.Bet she loved all the great reviews over the apps she made with the ill gotten ingredients.

I would run the errand, wouldn't expect to be paid, but definitely wouldn't be answering the phone again on my way out the door. I don't mind at all picking stuff up for someone throwing a party, but if they "meal" shamed me I would be PO'd.

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flan327


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I'm still waiting for my cheese Danish...

flan

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Nobody Just Nobody


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Here you go. It's not perfect but it's home made. I also included a blueberry honey lemon smoothie to wash it down. And I buy my cream cheese by the case at Sam's so if anyone needs some I have it.

13226772_1318671728148336_95185987058629



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Vette


Owl drink to that!

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Wow that looks delicious

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flan327


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Except for...(don't judge me)...the strawberries...

flan

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Nobody Just Nobody


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VetteGirl wrote:

Wow that looks delicious

 Thanks Vette!  They were really good despite the strawberries!  It would be super easy to make them without the strawberries though.  DH ate four of them for a snack!



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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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I made more cream cheese danishes tonight so let me know when you're on your way so I can call you and ask to bring drinks!

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

I made more cream cheese danishes tonight so let me know when you're on your way so I can call you and ask to bring drinks!

 Well, I would be glad to bring "special" drinks, but your DH has probably eaten all the pastries already...evileye

flan



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FNW


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I'm not a fan of cream cheese anything but those do look good. I think I would prefer sugar cream frosting or something like that.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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You are right. He loves them. Not many left. I think we might make rangoons today.

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

You are right. He loves them. Not many left. I think we might make rangoons today.

 You're doing this on purpose...Don't think I don't know!

flan



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Nobody Just Nobody


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flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

You are right. He loves them. Not many left. I think we might make rangoons today.

 You're doing this on purpose...Don't think I don't know!

flan

 All the recipes I've found call for green onions finely chopped and sriracha sauce.  I just got some sweet and hot mustard from Sweden so I'm going to try that.  I picked up some scallions yesterday so I'm ready to go!



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flan327


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You lost me when you mentioned "mustard."

flan

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Tignanello


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I don't have anything for dinner. I'd go pick something up, but that would involve leaving the house.

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Tignanello wrote:

I don't have anything for dinner. I'd go pick something up, but that would involve leaving the house.

 So, no "special" cream cheese with dinner?



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Lindley


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Those looks so good njn☺

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Tignanello


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Tignanello wrote:

I don't have anything for dinner. I'd go pick something up, but that would involve leaving the house.

 So, no "special" cream cheese with dinner?

 When "special" is in quotations it makes things sound dirty.....



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Lindley wrote:

Those looks so good njn☺

 Thanks Lindley!  Here's what we made tonight.  The kids had jobs helping and had fun.  They don't look very good but they were delicious.  And it's the first time I've ever made rangoons.  And I have to agree with Tig.  When something is in quotes it looks dirty!

13237604_1325362540812588_63872794025917



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Lindley


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lindley wrote:

Those looks so good njn☺

 Thanks Lindley!  Here's what we made tonight.  The kids had jobs helping and had fun.  They don't look very good but they were delicious.  And it's the first time I've ever made rangoons.  And I have to agree with Tig.  When something is in quotes it looks dirty!

13237604_1325362540812588_63872794025917

   I just Love!!!!!! Rangoons.



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Well, despite what they look like here they were absolutely delicious!

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flan327


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Crab "rangoons."

(Sorry, NJN)

flan



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Southern_Belle


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I have a recipe for baked crab rangoon. It's really yummy. I'll find it when I'm at my laptop.

When I leave the dr. office I'm going to the bagel shop downtown for a yummy bagel with cream cheese!

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flan327


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Southern_Belle wrote:

I have a recipe for baked crab rangoon. It's really yummy. I'll find it when I'm at my laptop.

When I leave the dr. office I'm going to the bagel shop downtown for a yummy bagel with cream cheese!

 You better not take the last everything bagel, Missy!

flan



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Mary Zombie


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I keep thinking of that Poster from the original board named Soozy Creamcheese calls people on their landline...
😀

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Southern_Belle


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flan327 wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:

I have a recipe for baked crab rangoon. It's really yummy. I'll find it when I'm at my laptop.

When I leave the dr. office I'm going to the bagel shop downtown for a yummy bagel with cream cheese!

 You better not take the last everything bagel, Missy!

flan

 I would have if thete had only been one left! My current situation..1464009214331-1507387694.jpg



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What a beautiful picture, SB!smile



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