TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Dear Abby - Do step in-laws have to be invited to wedding?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I vote No. Don't invite them. If she has no relationship with them, then why? Yes, invite the new wife to come with dad but nothing beyond that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Not family? They are her grandparents by marriage.

Grow up, be the bigger person, invite them.

To me, it should be a given.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She has no relationship and they have been rude to her. So why?

TrudyML · Guru

I wouldn't.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She has no relationship and they have been rude to her. So why?

Because it's her father's inlaws. That makes them her grandparents.

And "rude"?

That could mean anything these days.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

There are two ways to think about this. When or if they have children, they might want to know and have extended family. Or, not. Some people do and some don't. If that is something she might potentially see cultivating down the road, then yes, this is a perfect place to start. On the other hand, if they are wretched people, then they aren't going to get less wretched down the road either.

Divine Geek · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Not family? They are her grandparents by marriage.

Grow up, be the bigger person, invite them.

To me, it should be a given.

Family should not be the only deciding factor. I have blood relatives that will not, under any circumstances, be allowed at my wedding. I will hire security if I need to.

Some people suck, even people you are related to. As an adult, we get the choice to not associate with these people if we don't want to.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Divine Geek wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Not family? They are her grandparents by marriage.

Grow up, be the bigger person, invite them.

To me, it should be a given.

Family should not be the only deciding factor. I have blood relatives that will not, under any circumstances, be allowed at my wedding. I will hire security if I need to.
Some people suck, even people you are related to. As an adult, we get the choice to not associate with these people if we don't want to.

Yep, and certainly not invite them to put a damper on one of the happiest days of your life.

FNW · Guru

I actually like the advice given by Abby.

Personally, I would not invite them. Why? Because I (as the bride) do not have a relationship with them. The fact that this bride is so very upset at the thought of them being there speaks volumes, IMO. I would sit my ex down and have a tete a tete with him about the situation, and see if I could get the root of my daughter's strong reaction, as well as the reason behind his insistence..

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She has no relationship and they have been rude to her. So why?
Because it's her father's inlaws. That makes them her grandparents.
And "rude"?
That could mean anything these days.

No, it doesn't. She likely has two sets of grand-parents, and if there is no relationship here - they are NOT her grandparents.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Divine Geek wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Not family? They are her grandparents by marriage.

Grow up, be the bigger person, invite them.

To me, it should be a given.

Family should not be the only deciding factor. I have blood relatives that will not, under any circumstances, be allowed at my wedding. I will hire security if I need to.
Some people suck, even people you are related to. As an adult, we get the choice to not associate with these people if we don't want to.

I agree completely. Being "family" doesn't get you a free pass to be a jerk and have it accepted.

Mary Zombie · Guru

If her father is paying for it then unfortunately he gets a say. Though I would do as suggested and seat them in the weeds. Heck is seat the with the most annoying people I could think of.
😀

FNW · Guru

Mary Zombie wrote:
If her father is paying for it then unfortunately he gets a say. Though I would do as suggested and seat them in the weeds. Heck is seat the with the most annoying people I could think of.
😀

Yep. And a sure fire way to ensure they'll never want to return! A win-win!

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

The step mother is his new wife which means her parents didn't have a relationship with the daughter for very long. She shouldn't have to invite them.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Without knowing their side it's hard to say. She would be burning a bridge by not inviting then, is it worth it? On the other hand, I totally understand weeding out crap family.

Ohfour · Hooker

Well, y'all know I'm all about keeping the peace. I would invite them...

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

Divine Geek · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

I don't separate family by blood or not blood. I separate them by insane jerk faces and not insane jerk faces.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't have that.

Thank God.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Divine Geek wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

I don't separate family by blood or not blood. I separate them by insane jerk faces and not insane jerk faces.

My family has 9 people in it. It is also split by who speaks to who and who can tolerate who. *sigh* it can be a lot of work planning a family dinner.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I read the things ya'll post about family stuff, and I just can't imagine it. I feel so badly for all ya'll that deal with it.

No. My family isn't perfect and we have spats.

But we don't push away from each other.

I promise, every one of you, and yes, everyone, would be welcomed in to my family.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Tignanello wrote:
Divine Geek wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

I don't separate family by blood or not blood. I separate them by insane jerk faces and not insane jerk faces.
My family has 9 people in it. It is also split by who speaks to who and who can tolerate who. *sigh* it can be a lot of work planning a family dinner.

My house can have 9 people in it most weekends and holidays!

Tig. I think you'd get a big ol kick out of my family. Both mom and dad's sides.

The family reunions are coming up.

Always a showcase of crazy fun.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I would probably just invite them. But I'm pretty good at smiling blandly with a bless your heart expression on my face. I think I'd be too busy to really notice. But then again I can understand her not wanting to invite them.

One of my bridesmaids keeps breaking up and getting back with her exhusband. Long story but suffice to say he's a dirt bag but hey she must like it right? So if they're "on" when my wedding rolls around we're having wedding party's SO at the main table and that means he will be at the table Even though I won't be pleased. Am practicing my bland gracious smile 😀

-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 24th of May 2016 03:01:58 PM

TrudyML · Guru

You aren't cutting people, Mary? C'mon!

I may just cut them all! LOL

Mary Zombie · Guru

Get out the big knife Trudy!

Cheerios4606 · Guru

At $35 bucks a plate or more, no I would not be inviting hangers on simply because they are loosely related. If she DOES invite them, it sounds like these might be the kind of people that would respond "The only reason she is inviting us is so that we will get her a gift. Lets buy her a cheep cutting board at walmart and show her we don't appreciate gift grabbers! Oh, and be sure to check off that we WILL be attending, and that we want the beef plate."

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She has no relationship and they have been rude to her. So why?
Because it's her father's inlaws. That makes them her grandparents.
And "rude"?
That could mean anything these days.

BULLSH!T. That does NOT make them her "grandparents" in any way, shape, or form.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh look! Mr. Sunshine is here!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I agree with husker on this one.

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

I still think she should invite them as a courtesy.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

If daddy is paying for it I'd say invite them. If the daughter is paying for it then leave them out.

FNW · Guru

We did not invite DH's step brother & sister. But we invited step mommy dearest. I had met the sister once at that time, and Jack did not want her there because she's odd.

apple · Guru

Mary Zombie wrote:
If her father is paying for it then unfortunately he gets a say. Though I would do as suggested and seat them in the weeds. Heck is seat the with the most annoying people I could think of.
😀

THIS.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't have that.

Thank God.

That's great Lilly! Not everyone gets to experience that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't have that.

Thank God.
That's great Lilly! Not everyone gets to experience that.

I know.

Hence the thanking God.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

Then what is it?

The parents of this guy's wife have made ZERO attempts to build a relationship here. They are RANDOM strangers.

Family doesn't necessarily have to be blood--but if not, then there has to be some type of familial relationship which is ENTIRELY ABSENT here.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

Then what is it?

The parents of this guy's wife have made ZERO attempts to build a relationship here. They are RANDOM strangers.

Family doesn't necessarily have to be blood--but if not, then there has to be some type of familial relationship which is ENTIRELY ABSENT here.

To us, it's just family.

huskerbb · Guru

???? So any random stranger is family???? That makes no sense.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I have relatives I have never met.

But they are family.

I have cousins by marriage that I don't see, but they are family.

For us, it's just family.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If u have never seen or met them then how is that family?

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I have relatives I have never met.

But they are family.

I have cousins by marriage that I don't see, but they are family.

For us, it's just family.

NEITHER is the case here. Cousins by marriage are still the family of your spouse. The person doing the inviting is not married to her father.

RANDOM STRANGERS.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If u have never seen or met them then how is that family?

They can be family by blood--or even marriage--but NEITHER is the case here.

However, you don't invite EVERY cousin you've never met to weddings.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It just is.

I have such a large family, spread all over the states.

Some, I know through Facebook. Some I know of through others.

It's just how it is with us.

Heck, I found family on this board. Distant, but family.

huskerbb · Guru

Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If u have never seen or met them then how is that family?

Beats me...

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.

I most certainly would.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Look.

That's my family.

You don't understand it.

That's cool.

No skin off my nose.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I think "family" should mean more than blood.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.

NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.