TOTALLY GEEKED!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

RE: Dear Abby - Do step in-laws have to be invited to wedding?

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

I could invite all family members, current spouses, ex-spouses, children, step children and all of their grandparents and probably still not break 30. (some members of my family have multiple exes)

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tignanello wrote:
I could invite all family members, current spouses, ex-spouses, children, step children and all of their grandparents and probably still not break 30. (some members of my family have multiple exes)

Me too. Our parents are deceased. And, I have a few aunts and uncles and cousins that i don't know. Why i don't know them? I am not sure. They were just never part of our lives for whatever reason. I don't consider "family" to be someone i am related to but don't interact with.

My family is DH, our children, my sister and her family, and DH's brother and his family and DH's sister. I have an Aunt who lives 20 min away that i see on a regular basis. That is the extent of my family. The cousins and aunts/uncles that i never see are no closer to me than strangers. I would love to have a big extended family. I have always envyed people who do and have those huge blow out gatherings. I have tried reaching out to some of my cousins and other relatives, but they live in other states and everyone has their own lives so it just doesn't happen. So, if you do have your big gatherings, hearing you all beitch about your great uncle at Thanksgiving seems a bit ungrateful, just saying! lol

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I haven't seen most of my family since I was a teenager. And my life hasn't suffered for it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.

Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.

We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.

So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.

But that's not what this is, the OP.

It's about her father's new mother and father in law.

2 people.

Not 200 people.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh.

And if she doesnt, how could that affect her inheritance.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

2 people she doesn't really know, care for, or like.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't know how people know 500 people. I mean, I just don't know that many people.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

So? It's her father's mother and father inlaw.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Most likely, they wouldn't come anyway.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

2 people she doesn't really know, care for, or like.

Who get drunk and are rude to her. Sorry, if i don't interact with you in my daily, weekly or even monthly or yearly life, then WHY in the world would i want you at my wedding?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Most likely, they wouldn't come anyway.

Of course they would come. Rude people always come to events to make it all about them.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

We don't have alcohol at weddings or receptions in my family.

So that solves that problem for us.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Most likely, they wouldn't come anyway.
Of course they would come. Rude people always come to events to make it all about them.

And why should the bride have to worry about IF they will come and how they will behave?

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
We don't have alcohol at weddings or receptions in my family.

So that solves that problem for us.

That doesn't normally stop rude drinkers. They just bring their own.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
We don't have alcohol at weddings or receptions in my family.

So that solves that problem for us.

Rude people tend to be rude with or without alcohol.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Most likely, they wouldn't come anyway.
Of course they would come. Rude people always come to events to make it all about them.
And why should the bride have to worry about IF they will come and how they will behave?
flan

She doesn't like them. She doens't want them there. They aren't part of her life. Not so sure what is difficult to understand about that?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Most likely, they wouldn't come anyway.
Of course they would come. Rude people always come to events to make it all about them.
And why should the bride have to worry about IF they will come and how they will behave?
flan
She doesn't like them. She doens't want them there. They aren't part of her life. Not so sure what is difficult to understand about that?

Nothing.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Look.

If it were me, I'd invite them.

Most likely without the need to be asked.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, it isn't you is it? Yes, you do what YOU want to do and the LW can do what she wants to do.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And we are talking hypothetical here, so, that means I can say what I would do.

TrudyML · Guru

One sister is begging me to have a huge wedding. Umm, no. I have 7 siblings, some of their spouses torture me and the spoiled nieces and nephews make me cringe. That will not be happening!

Mary Zombie · Guru

Trudy I thought your guest list was up to 500???

TrudyML · Guru

502 including YOU!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
One sister is begging me to have a huge wedding. Umm, no. I have 7 siblings, some of their spouses torture me and the spoiled nieces and nephews make me cringe. That will not be happening!

It's YOUR wedding, not theirs!

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Yep. And my money. Not happening.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I made the cut!!! Yay!!

TrudyML · Guru

I need someone to drink with!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I was surprised that DH1 wanted a traditional Church wedding (Catholic, to boot!)

I think he wanted to make my parents happy. I would have preferred an outside venue, and something simpler.

flan

FNW · Guru

Growing up, we had large family gatherings. Grandma had three sisters and two brothers. Aunts & Uncles had 4 children each. Cousins were all close in age. Grandma had an older sister who was a generation apart, so her grands were our age. We all still keep in touch via facebook and if in town, we make a point to try to get together. Since leaving Cali, the parties just stopped happening. Now here I am with just my parents nearby. DH's mother tried to keep the family together, but no one else was quite feeling it, so when she died, everyone just got on with their lives. FIL and his wife were never interested in being grandparents, so they aren't involved in our life anymore. I feel bad for the boys, not having a ton of cousins around like I did. But really, they don't know any different.

But we all always got along. Grandma and her sisters used to try to outdo each other, and often times had little spats. But that was part of the fun for us. Watching "the sisters." The parents (aunts & uncles) got along, too. There was a dispute between one uncle and a cousin, had to do with some money borrowed, but they pretty much just stayed away from each other. And there were enough people around it was easy. Now it's so sad that most of those people have passed on. All that remain are my parents, my brother and his little family, one aunt & uncle, and the cousins.

This fall we'll be going out to Cali to stay at the beach house for a few days. We are planning a big meet-up with cousins, and surviving aunt/uncle. None of them have ever met our boys, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Weddings were expensive, back in the day, accommodating all family. In our immediate family, there was only one divorce and re-marriage. That was my uncle. While he and his wife and step-children were always included, the thought never occurred to include her relatives. But we never included the relatives of spouses at our family gatherings.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

You are arguing against yourself. Now yOu are talking blood relatives. Before, you didn't seem to like that Definition.

however, youve made my point, you would not invite all those people to a wedding.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

FNW wrote:
Growing up, we had large family gatherings. Grandma had three sisters and two brothers. Aunts & Uncles had 4 children each. Cousins were all close in age. Grandma had an older sister who was a generation apart, so her grands were our age. We all still keep in touch via facebook and if in town, we make a point to try to get together. Since leaving Cali, the parties just stopped happening. Now here I am with just my parents nearby. DH's mother tried to keep the family together, but no one else was quite feeling it, so when she died, everyone just got on with their lives. FIL and his wife were never interested in being grandparents, so they aren't involved in our life anymore. I feel bad for the boys, not having a ton of cousins around like I did. But really, they don't know any different.

But we all always got along. Grandma and her sisters used to try to outdo each other, and often times had little spats. But that was part of the fun for us. Watching "the sisters." The parents (aunts & uncles) got along, too. There was a dispute between one uncle and a cousin, had to do with some money borrowed, but they pretty much just stayed away from each other. And there were enough people around it was easy. Now it's so sad that most of those people have passed on. All that remain are my parents, my brother and his little family, one aunt & uncle, and the cousins.

This fall we'll be going out to Cali to stay at the beach house for a few days. We are planning a big meet-up with cousins, and surviving aunt/uncle. None of them have ever met our boys, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Weddings were expensive, back in the day, accommodating all family. In our immediate family, there was only one divorce and re-marriage. That was my uncle. While he and his wife and step-children were always included, the thought never occurred to include her relatives. But we never included the relatives of spouses at our family gatherings.

I'll admit I took the Sunday dinners and family get togethers for granted.

Just about every Sunday, we were at my granny and pawpaws house, on my dad's side. And they lived with pawpaw's parents until each one passed. Then they moved in to take care of granny's parents.

Pawpaw was one of 12 kids, and they all lived in the same community their whole lives.

My dad had 2 sisters, and lived next door to each other for 20+ years.

Granny had one sister and 4 kids. They lived less than a mile from each other their whole lives.

It was just a given that if you went to one house, there would be a crowd there.

Moms side, she has 3 brothers, they all live in the same community as mawmaw.

And if we were not at granny's, we were at mawmaw's.

Lots of time, both the same day.

I miss those days.

Playing in the barn, riding tractors, chasing goats, playing hide and seek in the corn fields, fishing in the pond, wading in the creek, all the cousins spending the night together in the living room floor.

Never a dull moment, that's for sure.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

You are arguing against yourself. Now yOu are talking blood relatives. Before, you didn't seem to like that Definition.

however, youve made my point, you would not invite all those people to a wedding.

No. Because one of those reunions is in Alabama with my step grandfather's family.

There is no blood.

But all 50 of them were invited to my wedding.

Not all came, that's fine.

But we are still family.

And no, I don't see any of them except for big family events. Maybe once a year.

My daughter is at her cousins house right now. They didn't meet until 5 years ago.

No blood there, either.

My step grandfather is the cousins blood uncle.

But so what?

We still call each other family.

Perhaps you only consider family to be those you inherent something from.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

You are arguing against yourself. Now yOu are talking blood relatives. Before, you didn't seem to like that Definition.

however, youve made my point, you would not invite all those people to a wedding.
No. Because one of those reunions is in Alabama with my step grandfather's family.
There is no blood.
But all 50 of them were invited to my wedding.
Not all came, that's fine.
But we are still family.
And no, I don't see any of them except for big family events. Maybe once a year.
My daughter is at her cousins house right now. They didn't meet until 5 years ago.
No blood there, either.
My step grandfather is the cousins blood uncle.
But so what?
We still call each other family.
Perhaps you only consider family to be those you inherent something from.

But you have a relationship with them.

I don't even get what you are arguing.

is family blood? If so, not the case hwre.

is family built on relationships? Again, NOT the case here.

There is ZERO relationship here, blood or otherwise.

Is is every random stranger a part of your family?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I would go crazy if I had such a big family. I need my space.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

lily's family:

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Now THAT'S funny, husker!

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
lily's family:

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

LOL!

You atheist, you!

Ohfour · Hooker

Gs step mom calls my grandbabies her great grandbabies. Shes never met either of them, but still, she enjoys sharing picts and stories.
I think she should invite them. They are family...

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Divine Geek wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I am so blessed that my family, the whole extended family, doesn't separate by blood, not blood.

I don't separate family by blood or not blood. I separate them by insane jerk faces and not insane jerk faces.

DS's father passed away 3 years ago as most of you know. Even if he were still alive, he wouldn't be invited to DS' wedding and I am very certain that DS's paternal aunts and cousins won't be invited either since they would only steal gifts and such.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

If my kids want to invite their dad to whatever, I wouldnt like it, but I would grin and bear it.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

My ex step MIL was a **** at my wedding. She was "uncomfortable" because she felt neglected, made my father leave early. They were divorced 2 years later.

Lindley · Guru

Since her step mother's parents are rude to her and the bride sounds like she doesn't have a relationship with them then she shouldn't have to invite them. Why invite someone who might give you some hassle at your wedding.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
If my kids want to invite their dad to whatever, I wouldnt like it, but I would grin and bear it.

But the LW doesn't want to invite these strangers.

TrudyML · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Gs step mom calls my grandbabies her great grandbabies. Shes never met either of them, but still, she enjoys sharing picts and stories.
I think she should invite them. They are family...

I think that is sweet.

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Gs step mom calls my grandbabies her great grandbabies. Shes never met either of them, but still, she enjoys sharing picts and stories.
I think she should invite them. They are family...

That's not the case here. They are not family. They have shown zero interest in being family.

TrudyML · Guru

It is just step mom bullying for her parents. If Dad is paying? Maybe but I'd still vote no.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lily's family:

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

Awww.... look at you!

But no.

huskerbb · Guru

According to you "absolutely nothing" makes family.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Random strangers? Distant how? They at least have SOME type of relationship--which is ABSENT here.

And, again, you wouldn't invite them to a wedding even if you do consider them "family" by some convoluted illogic.
I most certainly would.

Then you don't have that big of a family. If I did that, I'd have to invite 1,000 people or more to the wedding.
NO ONE does that--unless they can afford to drop 30 grand or more on a wedding.
Well, the last family reunion, last August for just the paternal side of my dad's family had over 300 people attend. That's just the ones who came.
We have 4 reunions a year. Paternal and maternal on both mom and dad's sides.
So yeah. If I invited every single person to a wedding, it would be a very large number.
But that's not what this is, the OP.
It's about her father's new mother and father in law.
2 people.
Not 200 people.

You are arguing against yourself. Now yOu are talking blood relatives. Before, you didn't seem to like that Definition.

however, youve made my point, you would not invite all those people to a wedding.
No. Because one of those reunions is in Alabama with my step grandfather's family.
There is no blood.
But all 50 of them were invited to my wedding.
Not all came, that's fine.
But we are still family.
And no, I don't see any of them except for big family events. Maybe once a year.
My daughter is at her cousins house right now. They didn't meet until 5 years ago.
No blood there, either.
My step grandfather is the cousins blood uncle.
But so what?
We still call each other family.
Perhaps you only consider family to be those you inherent something from.

But you have a relationship with them.
I don't even get what you are arguing.
is family blood? If so, not the case hwre.
is family built on relationships? Again, NOT the case here.
There is ZERO relationship here, blood or otherwise.
Is is every random stranger a part of your family?

No. I don't have a relationship with them.

Family don't end with blood.