TOTALLY GEEKED!

Cheerios4606 · Guru

LL and the lawyers.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She still LOVES him apple... sigh

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!

Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She still LOVES him apple... sigh

Love doesn't feed the kids and keep a roof over their head.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She still LOVES him apple... sigh
Love doesn't feed the kids and keep a roof over their head.

While both you and I know this she doesn't appear to. Maybe I should add this to my list of things to tell her.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

good lord.. I dont know if this woman can be saved. :shaking my dad gum head:

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Just ask her who she loves more - the deadbeat dude screwing another woman, or her children.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"

While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".

apple · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Just ask her who she loves more - the deadbeat dude screwing another woman, or her children.

You may not like the answer. Seriously, some women......

apple · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"
While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".

I agree.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Remember, this poor woman was with this abusive loser to begin with. This tells me her self-image needs work, to say the least. cry

I have skin in that game myself. I hope she soaks in a little of your good input, NJN, but in the end it is up to her to change. And to KNOW she needs to change, which can be the hardest part. In the meantime, the kids suffer.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

apple wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"
While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".
I agree.

I didn't mean get even in the sense that she should be a bitch or try to drive him into the ground. I meant that she needs to stand up for herself and take what's rightfully hers and so she can be even. I guess that came out the wrong way.

In her defense she's young. Mid twenties. And her first husband was killed by a drunk driver.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
apple wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"
While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".
I agree.
I didn't mean get even in the sense that she should be a bitch or try to drive him into the ground. I meant that she needs to stand up for herself and take what's rightfully hers and so she can be even. I guess that came out the wrong way.
In her defense she's young. Mid twenties. And her first husband was killed by a drunk driver.

I cannot say what I'm thinking here - it would be too mean-spirited. My mid-twenties were my stupid period, but at least I didn't have kids affected by my poor choices. cry

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
apple wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"
While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".
I agree.
I didn't mean get even in the sense that she should be a bitch or try to drive him into the ground. I meant that she needs to stand up for herself and take what's rightfully hers and so she can be even. I guess that came out the wrong way.
In her defense she's young. Mid twenties. And her first husband was killed by a drunk driver.

I understood what you meant, NJN.

Who is going to protect her kids if she doesn't?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Honeys_Mom wrote:
Remember, this poor woman was with this abusive loser to begin with. This tells me her self-image needs work, to say the least.
I have skin in that game myself. I hope she soaks in a little of your good input, NJN, but in the end it is up to her to change. And to KNOW she needs to change, which can be the hardest part. In the meantime, the kids suffer.

Sometimes a person needs to hear the words: "You are worthwhile."

Sometimes more than once!

flan

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

flan327 wrote:
Honeys_Mom wrote:
Remember, this poor woman was with this abusive loser to begin with. This tells me her self-image needs work, to say the least.
I have skin in that game myself. I hope she soaks in a little of your good input, NJN, but in the end it is up to her to change. And to KNOW she needs to change, which can be the hardest part. In the meantime, the kids suffer.
Sometimes a person needs to hear the words: "You are worthwhile."
Sometimes more than once!
flan

So true, flan. In fact, that's one of the positive things about the man I'm dating - he has nothing but good, supportive things to say about me. It helps.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Honeys_Mom wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
apple wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Yes! Angry is good! It fuels many situations to a great end for YOU instead of the enemy!
Yeah, she needs to stop worrying about being in love and be mad. Maybe I just need to tell her, "Your husband is sticking his dick in another woman. That woman is not you. Are you going to cry or are you going to get even?"
While I agree that she needs to "buck up" here and take care of business, the primary goal should NOT be to "get even".
I agree.
I didn't mean get even in the sense that she should be a bitch or try to drive him into the ground. I meant that she needs to stand up for herself and take what's rightfully hers and so she can be even. I guess that came out the wrong way.
In her defense she's young. Mid twenties. And her first husband was killed by a drunk driver.
I cannot say what I'm thinking here - it would be too mean-spirited. My mid-twenties were my stupid period, but at least I didn't have kids affected by my poor choices.

Her husband was sober and a drunk driver hit him and killed him. I'm sure she was devastated. I don't know how long she's been married but she did tell me her mom died about two years ago from breast cancer. She's been through a lot. She does need to wake up though and be proactive for those kids.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

Even though he's already cleaned out the bank account, I hope you can convince her to make copies of their bank statements (going back as far as she can), as well as any other financial records and putting them in a secure place (maybe with you?). It will cost her a couple of bucks to make copies, but it will be well worth it. Her new lawyer will appreciate the documentation.

If she's in her mid-20's, then are the two older children from her first husband? How long has she been married to this d--- bag?

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Momala wrote:
Even though he's already cleaned out the bank account, I hope you can convince her to make copies of their bank statements (going back as far as she can), as well as any other financial records and putting them in a secure place (maybe with you?). It will cost her a couple of bucks to make copies, but it will be well worth it. Her new lawyer will appreciate the documentation.

If she's in her mid-20's, then are the two older children from her first husband? How long has she been married to this d--- bag?

If any of the kid's father is the one who was killed, why is she not receiving survivor benefits for the kids? That would help to at least put a roof over the kid's head.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

The nine year old is from her deceased husband. I doubt she's receiving SSI for her. That was my first thought. I do appreciate the input from all of you. It gives me a list of things to talk to her about. She is supposed to come over this evening to borrow my bundt pan. I will talk to her.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

facepalm She just came over to get the pan. Today is their wedding anniversary and she's making him a big special dinner. He told her he doesn't think he'll be there but she's dressing the kids up and making it anyway. I didn't even bother talking to her.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

FNW · Guru

Ugh.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I know. It's fruitless.

Mary Zombie · Guru

She's going to have to learn the hard way apparently.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mary Zombie wrote:
She's going to have to learn the hard way apparently.

Yeah. Some people do.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

You can't help someone who chooses to be victim.

Tangerine · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
facepalm She just came over to get the pan. Today is their wedding anniversary and she's making him a big special dinner. He told her he doesn't think he'll be there but she's dressing the kids up and making it anyway. I didn't even bother talking to her.

Oh no. This is so sad.

I hope she wakes up and does some damage control soon.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

You have got to be kidding me ?!?! Wow.

Yes, the child of the deceased should get survivor's benefits. If I am not mistaken, they will give her "back pay" from the time of death. She needs to file ASAP.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
You have got to be kidding me ?!?! Wow.

Yes, the child of the deceased should get survivor's benefits. If I am not mistaken, they will give her "back pay" from the time of death. She needs to file ASAP.

SHE WON'T FILE!! OMG Not mad at you. I'm so frustrated. She has NOTHING. She qualifies for emergency food stamps, a welfare check (until they make him pay child support), WIC, AND SSI on the oldest. I told her to put the kids to bed at night and do everything on the computer. Literally everything is online now. She doesn't have to go down to the office with the kids in tow. I must have told her this a hundred times. She refuses. This whole dinner thing is just another example of how badly she has her head up her ass. You're right Tang, she needs to do damage control NOW. But she won't. She's too busy baking him a cake.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

It's too bad her children have to suffer while she emabarrasses herself like this.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Her children are eligible for survivor benefits, but she won't file and has no money to support them?

Sorry - tough love is in order here. I would have no problem telling my friend she's an idiot and I don't want to hear her woes anymore until she does something about it. It takes a PHONE CALL to get survivor benefits - that's it. You call and make a phone appointment. All you need is everyone's social security number and your bank account information. She's an IDIOT - and I don't suffer fools.

Tinydancer · Guru

There's no way I could be friends with someone this pathetic. If you won't even help yourself don't come to me for support because I'd tell you straight up to either do what you need to do or stop talking to me about it.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Her children are eligible for survivor benefits, but she won't file and has no money to support them?

Sorry - tough love is in order here. I would have no problem telling my friend she's an idiot and I don't want to hear her woes anymore until she does something about it. It takes a PHONE CALL to get survivor benefits - that's it. You call and make a phone appointment. All you need is everyone's social security number and your bank account information. She's an IDIOT - and I don't suffer fools.

ITA

i would refuse to hear anything at this point and if she's going to be this willfully stupid she shouldn't have her kids. Sad but true. I can't tolerate people like this.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

She is playing the victim. She must thrive on acting helpless

Mary Zombie · Guru

The guy sounds like an Arsehole but I'm starting to see why perhaps he wants to be done. Though he should be making sure his kids are cared for and doesn't have the right to take all of the money and leave her destitute. But geesh.

FNW · Guru

What can you do. Throw up your hands and let her bake her cake.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

First, she's not my friend friend. My son babysat her kids a couple times and that's how I got to know her. He likes her in the sense that he likes hanging out with her and playing with the kids. He loves kids and will do things to help her like take the baby on a walk or little things like that. Over time I have gotten to know her. Since her mom died of breast cancer she has kind of taken to me and I didn't mind. So I didn't really seek out the this friendship. But she is my neighbor and I generally try to be cordial to all of them. Another neighbor that we barely know but the kid hangs out here sometimes graduated Saturday. They invited us all to his graduation ceremony and party after. (There was no booze.) I didn't go but my son did. We sent him with a card and $40 cash in it. My son said he got tons of money. They sent us home cupcakes. That's just how my neighborhood is. Very open.

I have been blunt with her. Truth is I think she's dead set on doing it her way. I gave her the pan and let her go. He never came to dinner. I am done with her. I won't advise her or tell her anything from here on and if she asks why I'll tell her. This is not my circus and not my monkey.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
First, she's not my friend friend. My son babysat her kids a couple times and that's how I got to know her. He likes her in the sense that he likes hanging out with her and playing with the kids. He loves kids and will do things to help her like take the baby on a walk or little things like that. Over time I have gotten to know her. Since her mom died of breast cancer she has kind of taken to me and I didn't mind. So I didn't really seek out the this friendship. But she is my neighbor and I generally try to be cordial to all of them. Another neighbor that we barely know but the kid hangs out here sometimes graduated Saturday. They invited us all to his graduation ceremony and party after. (There was no booze.) I didn't go but my son did. We sent him with a card and $40 cash in it. My son said he got tons of money. They sent us home cupcakes. That's just how my neighborhood is. Very open.

I have been blunt with her. Truth is I think she's dead set on doing it her way. I gave her the pan and let her go. He never came to dinner. I am done with her. I won't advise her or tell her anything from here on and if she asks why I'll tell her. This is not my circus and not my monkey.

Does she have ANY family, or have they become frustrated as well?

I'm guessing you feel sorry for the kids (who wouldn't?). If she knows that you will help IF she ever decides to act like a responsible parent, you've done more than enough.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She doesn't have any family here. Her closest relative is five hours from here in Houston. She went back home for a couple days but doesn't want to uproot her kids from what they've known. Apparently him not showing up for the anniversary dinner was a wake up call. She picked a few lawyers to talk to and said she going to apply for food stamps.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She doesn't have any family here. Her closest relative is five hours from here in Houston. She went back home for a couple days but doesn't want to uproot her kids from what they've known. Apparently him not showing up for the anniversary dinner was a wake up call. She picked a few lawyers to talk to and said she going to apply for food stamps.

Baby steps, but good news.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She doesn't have any family here. Her closest relative is five hours from here in Houston. She went back home for a couple days but doesn't want to uproot her kids from what they've known. Apparently him not showing up for the anniversary dinner was a wake up call. She picked a few lawyers to talk to and said she going to apply for food stamps.
Baby steps, but good news.
flan

Yes. At least she is to the point she can admit she has to take action.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She doesn't have any family here. Her closest relative is five hours from here in Houston. She went back home for a couple days but doesn't want to uproot her kids from what they've known. Apparently him not showing up for the anniversary dinner was a wake up call. She picked a few lawyers to talk to and said she going to apply for food stamps.
Baby steps, but good news.
flan
Yes. At least she is to the point she can admit she has to take action.

If the food stamp people are doing their jobs, they will ask about the survivor benefits and make her file.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

I feel bad for the kids. I mean it is one thing to screw up your own life pining after a man that has not given you a second thought, but to insist on making your children go down that sickening path is just horrible. I hope she doesn't buckle. I hope her lawyers will talk some sense into her and that the wake up call is a sharp cold frigid splash that lasts past the first pang of missing him.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Cheerios4606 wrote:
I feel bad for the kids. I mean it is one thing to screw up your own life pining after a man that has not given you a second thought, but to insist on making your children go down that sickening path is just horrible. I hope she doesn't buckle. I hope her lawyers will talk some sense into her and that the wake up call is a sharp cold frigid splash that lasts past the first pang of missing him.

What she said. 😉

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She doesn't have any family here. Her closest relative is five hours from here in Houston. She went back home for a couple days but doesn't want to uproot her kids from what they've known. Apparently him not showing up for the anniversary dinner was a wake up call. She picked a few lawyers to talk to and said she going to apply for food stamps.
Baby steps, but good news.
flan
Yes. At least she is to the point she can admit she has to take action.
If the food stamp people are doing their jobs, they will ask about the survivor benefits and make her file.

They most likely will. I know that they ask who the father of the children is and where they work blah blah blah. If she tells them he's dead they will make her file.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
I feel bad for the kids. I mean it is one thing to screw up your own life pining after a man that has not given you a second thought, but to insist on making your children go down that sickening path is just horrible. I hope she doesn't buckle. I hope her lawyers will talk some sense into her and that the wake up call is a sharp cold frigid splash that lasts past the first pang of missing him.
What she said. 😉

I agree.