I've re-written this several times because I can't seem to word it how I want, but I'll try again.
Long story short, I have a 16 year old brother who I am not allowed to see because he lives with my dad and my dad has disowned me. But we are friends on facebook and he recently posted about a little mowing business he has started up doing people's lawns.
I thought how cool, he's got a truck now, I'll hire him to come mow my lawn and will be able to see him ( it's been years since I've seen him).
So I messaged him about it and he said he won't come do my lawn and furthermore should probably not even be friends with me on facebook anymore.
My initial reaction is to say **** you you little **** because he is old enough now to make his own decisions and I'm really really hurt by this.
After thinking about it though, I just feel sad for him, because he has obviously been brainwashed by our dad (who, by the way, hasn't just cut me out of his life but all of my siblings except for this brother). He didn't even go to my sister's wedding that's how bitter of a man he is.
I'm just feeling emotional right now, I feel like I've lost a brother and who knows if he'll ever come around.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Oh boy. That is emotional.
I would try not to blame your brother since he has to live with your dad and therefore also do what he says.
We were the only members of the extended family who were not invited to my cousins wedding because my dad and his brother were fighting at the time. Everyone eventually made up and I get on with my cousin just fine now.
I hope things work out in a similar way for you and your brother. ((Hugs))
That is painful. But, i think you might just want to take a step back. Just don't respond and let that go. And, maybe he will unfriend you or maybe not. If you want to, you just let that be for a while and maybe try to connect later down the road if you choose to reach out again. Or, maybe he will wise up and reach out to you down the road. He's 16 so it might be years before it dawns on him.
he's sixteen--he's going to live forever, etc.--let him grow up a little--be the good sister you probably are and be consistent--don't judge or reprimand just let him be himself--when he's older he'll realize that you've always been there and he's just been to damned self-centered to realize how lucky he is to have you
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
I m sorry, that is so hard to accept and deal with. I feel bad for your brother for having to live with him. I hope he comes around eventually. I take it your brother is also not in contact with your other siblings either?
Now that you've calmed a little can you send him a message that's like "I get why you would feel that way, but please know that I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out" ... Then the ball is in his court.
Now that you've calmed a little can you send him a message that's like "I get why you would feel that way, but please know that I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out" ... Then the ball is in his court.
Yes I think that's a good idea :)
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I agree with everyone. Step back and just be there for him in the future.
I had a run-in with my cousin on FB years ago....he was bad mouthing his parents about their reaction when he "came out". He was publicly discussing what I felt should have been a private family matter, testifying about it before Congress, etc. Preaching acceptance and all that, and I told him it goes both ways. Well, he unfriended me and told me he didn't need my negativity in his life, yadda yadda. At that point, I stepped back and let it go. Fast forward a few years and his father died. I flew out to ID for the funeral and there was my cousin, weeping. I traipsed across the graveyard and stood in front of him and told him I was sorry. He grabbed me and we hugged for a very long time, both crying at this point. I then introduced myself to his boyfriend and told him it was nice to finally meet him, but sad for the circumstances. The rest of my visit (three days) was a lot less awkward after that.
Time can heal wounds, vette. At 16, he is still very young and impressionable. Give him time to see his father for who he really is, and he'll probably understand you more.
Now that you've calmed a little can you send him a message that's like "I get why you would feel that way, but please know that I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out" ... Then the ball is in his court.
Yes I think that's a good idea :)
I think this is best, too. Just tell him you are sorry he feels that way and that you will be there when he is ready to talk.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If he's still a minor and lives with your dads he likely feels like he has no choice. Hopefully things will change when he's no longer under his thumb.
Now that you've calmed a little can you send him a message that's like "I get why you would feel that way, but please know that I'm here for you if you ever want to reach out" ... Then the ball is in his court.
