DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 22-year-old son who has moved back home due to his relocating.
His girlfriend of six months has done some suspicious and devious things. We have tried to overlook them, but the latest involves a car our son asked us to sell her because she was in a bind because of some stupid financial decisions she had made. We felt sorry for her, so we sold her the car for LESS than half of what we could have gotten on a trade-in since we were going to purchase a newer car.
Now, one month later, she has taken the car and traded it in on a different one, no doubt gaining the extra equity. I’m angry to the point that I no longer want her in my house.
Are we wrong to feel taken advantage of? I would add that we have always tried to help our only son as much as we can. The result has been that we have been taken advantage of or not treated the way we think a son should treat parents who are not exactly well off.
Please don’t reject this letter as your advice is really needed. — STEAMED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR STEAMED: It appears your only son and his girlfriend may be birds of a feather. Both have taken advantage of your kindness and generosity in one way or another, and you have every right to be upset about it.
While you can’t do anything about the past, that doesn’t mean you can’t open your eyes and watch out for yourselves in the future. If your son is planning to move the girlfriend in with you, put a stop to it now. If you don’t, I predict you’ll be taken advantage of as long as they’re under your roof and until they move out — which may not be for the foreseeable future.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
OK - they should have offered to sell it for the trade-in value, not less. That still would have been less than if she'd gone elsewhere. The fact they CHOSE to sell it for half that is theirs. People can't take advantage of you unless you let them.
However, when this new car breaks down - I wouldn't be helping in any way.
And I love how Abby jumps to the moving in assumption.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
First of all, i think selling things to friends, relatives is generally a BAD idea. Too many issues that can go wrong which then just makes everyone angry. So, the parents should have had more sense than this. However, once they gifted her the car, it was hers to do with what she pleased. But, yes, this smacks of someone who is an entitled user.
Btw, sounds like they "help" their son way too much as well. And, Abby is right to jump to that assumption because no doubt that is next.
If I were the parent and that happened I would let them both know that it was a sneaky unethical trick they pulled and the gravy train is over. Good thing they are young enough that they probably haven't burn any bridges with that type of behavior outside the family and so perhaps will learn a life lesson before they do that to anyone else.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
If I were the parent and that happened I would let them both know that it was a sneaky unethical trick they pulled and the gravy train is over. Good thing they are young enough that they probably haven't burn any bridges with that type of behavior outside the family and so perhaps will learn a life lesson before they do that to anyone else.
Yup and in no uncertain terms make it clear that you are not going to be handing out any financial help in the future. You are on your own. Now, go make your own bed. And, son can live there IF and Only IF he contributes to the well being and good of the collective household. You will cook, clean and mow the lawn, etc. Or, get out.
