Dear Prudence, After a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to divorce my wife of five years. All we did was fight, and we had little in the way of sexual intimacy. The problem is that my soon-to-be ex-wife just had a baby a few weeks ago. I was thinking about divorce when I found out she was pregnant but decided to stay for the sake of the baby. It’s four weeks after the birth, and things are worse. We fight constantly and we haven’t had sex for almost four months, so last week I finally got the courage to break ties and move into an apartment.
The problem? My friends and family say I’m horrible—that my wife just had a baby; that we’re in the miserable newborn stage and of course we’d fight; that she’s not even cleared by the doctor for sex yet, so of course we’re not sleeping together. Even my brother says I’m being selfish. What do I say to these people? My wife stopped being the woman I loved almost a year ago, but I only hung around because she got pregnant.
—Sympathy for the Devil
I don’t know that “hanging around” was the best response to a surprise pregnancy. You didn’t stay for the sake of the baby; you merely postponed your exit for the duration of the pregnancy! You seem to have chosen the worst of both worlds over the past year: You halfheartedly decided to stay a bit longer without trying anything new, and now you’ve chosen an awfully inopportune time to move out. (I’m not enormously sympathetic to your four-month-long dry spell, but I’ll take you at your word that sex had been infrequent long before this particular jab of celibacy.)
Frankly, your biggest problem is not what people are saying about you but about how you’re going to be a present co-parent to a month-old baby and a newly minted ex-wife. If your friends and family criticize you for moving out at a particularly inconvenient time, you may have to simply bear it as the price you pay for leaving a marriage where you’ve already emotionally checked out. If pressed, you can simply tell the truth: “Our marriage has actually been rocky for quite a while, but I think this is for the best, and now I’m trying to focus on raising our child together.”
Dear Sympathy: Your friends are right. You are horrible. You act like you were doing her a favor to hang around for the birth of YOUR child. And, you complain that she stopped being the woman you loved, probably about the same time that you begin the Ahole that you are. So, you can wake up to your own pathetic, selfish self and dig in and be a better man and husband, or you can be your selfish adolescent 12 yr old self and go your merry way and shirk your responsibilities as the derelict you seem to want to be.
Note to all people in an unhappy marriage: use birth control. Seriously, if he was thinking about divorce before she became pregnant, why was he not making sure to prevent something that would complicate his plans?
Note to all people in an unhappy marriage: use birth control. Seriously, if he was thinking about divorce before she became pregnant, why was he not making sure to prevent something that would complicate his plans?
Apparently he was more concerned about avoiding "dry spells".
Dear Sympathy: Your friends are right. You are horrible. You act like you were doing her a favor to hang around for the birth of YOUR child. And, you complain that she stopped being the woman you loved, probably about the same time that you begin the Ahole that you are. So, you can wake up to your own pathetic, selfish self and dig in and be a better man and husband, or you can be your selfish adolescent 12 yr old self and go your merry way and shirk your responsibilities as the derelict you seem to want to be.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I noticed that his wife had A baby. Not HIS baby or OUR baby. She had A baby. Wake up buddy, that's your child! Nowhere in this letter is there any concern for his child. Or for anyone but himself for that matter. What an azzhole.
__________________
Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I noticed that his wife had A baby. Not HIS baby or OUR baby. She had A baby. Wake up buddy, that's your child! Nowhere in this letter is there any concern for his child. Or for anyone but himself for that matter. What an azzhole.
His wife probably went through 9 months of pregnancy AND childbirth just to make his life miserable. Poor guy...
Note to all people in an unhappy marriage: use birth control. Seriously, if he was thinking about divorce before she became pregnant, why was he not making sure to prevent something that would complicate his plans?
This.
And she needs to nail him to the wall soon for child support.
__________________
No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are,
Eesh... I havent had sex since November (thanks to my recent medical issues) and yet my husband still loves me unconditionally. If I had an award to give him, it would be the biggest brightest most obnoxious award known to mankind. This guy on the other hand is a d-bag.
