TOTALLY GEEKED!

sweet tooth · Member

obligation to mother

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I wouldn't do it. It's not like she had major surgery or got a cancer diagnosis. She is being stubborn about not asking your sister who lives with her for a ride.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't know. What message do you want to send to your kids? Yeah, sometimes our elderly parents seem a bit unreasonable. Personally, i would vote to go pick up grandma.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.

You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.

JMHO.

TrudyML · Guru

Oh, man. I own one of these. She was loving the drama and trying to suck you all in. Call the sister and tell her pick her up. You aren't driving an hour because they are in a tiff. Ugh! I feel your pain.

Go enjoy your day off.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.

If you dont' cancel your plans for mother, whom do you cancel them for? She is 75. Go pick her up and take her out to lunch. You all have the day off. Why not? The museum will always be there.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

TrudyML wrote:
Oh, man. I own one of these. She was loving the drama and trying to suck you all in. Call the sister and tell her pick her up. You aren't driving an hour because they are in a tiff. Ugh! I feel your pain.

Go enjoy your day off.

The sister took her in. I think it seems reasonable for someone else to pick her. I mean, you can do whatever you want to do. Your choice. I dont' know your mother so maybe she is demanding or overly dramatic or whatever. You have to make that decision. But, if it was me, i would pick her up.

Ohfour · Hooker

TrudyML wrote:
Oh, man. I own one of these. She was loving the drama and trying to suck you all in. Call the sister and tell her pick her up. You aren't driving an hour because they are in a tiff. Ugh! I feel your pain.

Go enjoy your day off.

Yep. Absolutely. She lives with her. She can go and get her...

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.
If you dont' cancel your plans for mother, whom do you cancel them for? She is 75. Go pick her up and take her out to lunch. You all have the day off. Why not? The museum will always be there.

The day you get married, your first duty is to your husband and children.

Mom has other options. The daughter who lives with her, for example.

Let older sister pick her up.

TrudyML · Guru

There is a sister that lives with Mom. They are in a tiff. So SW cancels plans, has to drive over two hours in total to deliver Mom to the house where the sister is at? C'mon!

Ohfour · Hooker

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.
If you dont' cancel your plans for mother, whom do you cancel them for? She is 75. Go pick her up and take her out to lunch. You all have the day off. Why not? The museum will always be there.
The day you get married, your first duty is to your husband and children.
Mom has other options. The daughter who lives with her, for example.
Let older sister pick her up.

Not to mention that the mother sounds quite unreasonable. I'm sure this isn't the first time they have had to deal with her ridiculous demands...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

TrudyML wrote:
There is a sister that lives with Mom. They are in a tiff. So SW cancels plans, has to drive over two hours in total to deliver Mom to the house where the sister is at? C'mon!

Well, you can't control what someone else should or shouldn't do. You can only control what you do.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.
If you dont' cancel your plans for mother, whom do you cancel them for? She is 75. Go pick her up and take her out to lunch. You all have the day off. Why not? The museum will always be there.
The day you get married, your first duty is to your husband and children.
Mom has other options. The daughter who lives with her, for example.
Let older sister pick her up.

I think that's a bit overly dramatic. She isn't asking her to "shirk her duty to her husband and children' to pick her up and drive her home. Yeah, it might interfere with their plans to go the museum but that isn't exactly shirking one's duty.

TrudyML · Guru

I'd be calling that sister. Man, I've called out mine before.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
There is a sister that lives with Mom. They are in a tiff. So SW cancels plans, has to drive over two hours in total to deliver Mom to the house where the sister is at? C'mon!
Well, you can't control what someone else should or shouldn't do. You can only control what you do.

And I wouldn't cancel my plans because my mother was a being a twit...

TrudyML · Guru

Suggest an Uber?

apple · Guru

TrudyML wrote:
I'd be calling that sister. Man, I've called out mine before.

Yep, call sister and tell her when and where to pick up mom.

Done.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If she lives with her doesn't sister know she is in the hospital and soon to be discharged?

TrudyML · Guru

You'd think?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If she lives with her doesn't sister know she is in the hospital and soon to be discharged?

I'm sure she does. But she doesn't want to ask the live-in sister because she is mad at her, and she wants the other sister to drive 2 hours for a 5 minute trip. Um, no. Mother needs to get over herself...

sweet tooth · Member

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
Oh, man. I own one of these. She was loving the drama and trying to suck you all in. Call the sister and tell her pick her up. You aren't driving an hour because they are in a tiff. Ugh! I feel your pain.

Go enjoy your day off.
The sister took her in. I think it seems reasonable for someone else to pick her. I mean, you can do whatever you want to do. Your choice. I dont' know your mother so maybe she is demanding or overly dramatic or whatever. You have to make that decision. But, if it was me, i would pick her up.

I think I left something out of the story or didn't say it clearly. I have 2 sisters. My younger one who drove my mother to the hospital, and my older one who lives with my mother and had a fight with her.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Bus fare.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.

This. Or just tell sister she needs to pick mom up. don'tgive mom a choice.

I see peeps beat me too it. I only say this because she's ok and the sister living with her is close. it's unreasonable to ask you under the circumstances.

-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 14th of June 2016 03:31:50 PM

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

TrudyML wrote:
I'd be calling that sister. Man, I've called out mine before.

Honey, flies. Call your sister and be nice. Tell her you know your mom is being a total selfish pain in the butt. Tell her you understand that. Then tell her your plans and you absolutely can't change them and if your sister could please pick up your mom this one time you'd be eternally grateful and you'd owe her big time. Then go buy your sister a nice thank you card, add in a gift certificate for her favorite restaurant, and send it to her. The gift certificate would be well worth not having to deal with this.

TrudyML · Guru

Oh, yeah SW. I guess I meant call the one that lives with Mom. Not the one who has something she can't cancel. Don't feed the drama. Say, Lizzy? Mom is getting out a 2:00. Go pick her up and straighten out your fight.

The end.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I would not change my plans.

Taxi or other sister.

flan

ed11563 · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
I'd ask my older sister, who lives with Mom, to please step up and smooth over the fight. And pick Mom up at the hospital.
You shouldn't have to cancel plans with your family over something so petty.
JMHO.

This.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I can't imagine my mom asking me to drive 2 hours round trip to take her home on a 5 minute drive. I wouldn't ask anyone else to do that either.

sweet tooth · Member

NAOW wrote:
I can't imagine my mom asking me to drive 2 hours round trip to take her home on a 5 minute drive. I wouldn't ask anyone else to do that either.

I wouldn't either. But my mother feels very entitled in many ways.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Bus fare.

You would send your 75 yr old mother home on a bus? Has it occurred to any of u that u might not think this is a big deal but maybe she does? Not everything in life is rational.

sweet tooth · Member

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Bus fare.
You would send your 75 yr old mother home on a bus? Has it occurred to any of u that u might not think this is a big deal but maybe she does? Not everything in life is rational.

But after a while they (older people) start thinking you can just drop everything for them. She started talking to me about if she gets out on thursday, can I leave work to drive her home. My job isn't flexible like that. But she said I have to be able to leave work if its for something important. I don't think her not liking to take cabs is important enough for me to leave work. It's a slippery slope.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I dont disagree. You know her we dont. Is this a rare thing for her to ask or does she expect things that are unreasonable a lot?

sweet tooth · Member

It's not rare. It's not constant, but I'm worried that as she gets older she will expect more and more, without trying to do for herself when possible. I think that people (everyone, including older people, and parents) should save the requests for favors for emergencies or at least for things that are more difficult and necessary than avoiding a 5 minute cab ride. But I don't say anything to her, because she will get mad and literally hang up the phone on me. I have a really hard time with that, it's like the silent treatment, it really gets to me.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yes.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I would start by asking your sister who lives with her if she will pick her up. If she wont then you can worry about if you should cancel your plans or not.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

sweet tooth wrote:
It's not rare. It's not constant, but I'm worried that as she gets older she will expect more and more, without trying to do for herself when possible. I think that people (everyone, including older people, and parents) should save the requests for favors for emergencies or at least for things that are more difficult and necessary than avoiding a 5 minute cab ride. But I don't say anything to her, because she will get mad and literally hang up the phone on me. I have a really hard time with that, it's like the silent treatment, it really gets to me.

Have you talked to your older sister about picking her up, sweet tooth?

ed11563 · Guru

As a parent, I saw that children will test their limits, and sometimes a "no" is met with a tantrum.

Your mother is doing the same thing.

Now SHE is the child, and you are the adult.

Calmly explain the limit, once. Then let her have her tantrum .

sweet tooth · Member

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
sweet tooth wrote:
It's not rare. It's not constant, but I'm worried that as she gets older she will expect more and more, without trying to do for herself when possible. I think that people (everyone, including older people, and parents) should save the requests for favors for emergencies or at least for things that are more difficult and necessary than avoiding a 5 minute cab ride. But I don't say anything to her, because she will get mad and literally hang up the phone on me. I have a really hard time with that, it's like the silent treatment, it really gets to me.
Have you talked to your older sister about picking her up, sweet tooth?

Not yet. I know it sounds wimpy, but I think my mother will get mad at me if I do, because of their stupid fight.

sweet tooth · Member

lilyofcourse wrote:
Yes.

Yes, I do have to pick her up?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ok but what if she is needy at this stage of life? Maybe that is true. The Bible says Do not despise thy mother when she is old. I think it is interesting that is said specifically .

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I am not saying you jump whenever she calls. Seems like the live in sis could easily pick her up. But she asked you. Maybe she just wants you to come.

sweet tooth · Member

Ok, but by that rationale, I can ask my 25 year old son to drive me places, even if I had other options like a cab. But I wouldn't do that to him without a darn good reason, especially if he took the day off and had plans with other people.

And yes the Bible says that but it also says to parents "do not exasperate your children."

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You aren't 75.

sweet tooth · Member

True, but I think that people try to start using the "old" card way too soon.

I think people should be in their 80s before they start using that. Not just for getting people to do things for them. Also for saying things that they never could have got away with saying when they were younger. You'll hear an older person saying some really awful, rude comment about someone, and everyone says "it's ok, she's old". I'm not talking about my mother here, she doesn't do this.

I think an older person has an obligation to not be a burden inasmuch as they can control it. That's how I'm going to be when I'm older (again, until it's no longer an option).

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I see your point. But some 75 yr olds ARE old. Some are in good health. Roles change. Elderly parents may decline and sometimes act childish. You may have to set boundaries. Was your mom a good mom to u and your sibs?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You dont know "how you're gonna be" when you are older.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think u should just call the live in sis and tell her you had plans so u cant get her.

sweet tooth · Member

She was a pretty good mom, but she got angry and pouty very easily. She was widowed when we were teenagers and has been resentful ever since, and feels like the world, including us kids, owes her for that. It's like she doesn't understand that when she lost a husband, I lost a father. She only thinks about how it affected her. And it's been decades, it's time to make peace with it.

sweet tooth · Member

But she was easily angered before my father died, so it isn't a result of his death.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You should do what u think is right. If u believe this is really much ado about nothing then dont go but i think you should call the sister.