TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Q. Difficult adult son

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Where does the son live? Who is funding his tattooed lifestlye? One time my son asked about getting tattoos and piercings. I told him that the day he does that is the day he has too much disposable income and that is the day he will be moving out as i am not going to fund that nonsense. If you want tattoos, i don't have a problem with that, but not on my dime. If you are a self sufficient adult paying your own bills, then go for it. If you are still living off the bank of mommy and daddy, then no.
So, first of all to the LW, you cut him off financially. Duh. You can't buy drugs if you have no money.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I really don't like this Prudie.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I really don't like this Prudie.

Me neither. She has no real life experience as in raising children , etc. And, she shoves her gay agenda down your gullet and up your arse.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Huh.

Well.

While there is no drugs or alcohol involved, Caitlyn has a tattoo and a couple piercings now.

I'm not thrilled with these choices.

But, she is working, paying her bills, and is probably the most grounded 21 year old I know of.

As for the OP, mom's generally have a good gut instinct when it comes to their kids.

She knows something isn't right.

But, other than cutting him off if she is supporting him, and lots of prayer, what can she do?

At some point, she might be able to force him into detox, but that isn't always easily done, and until HE wants to stop using, he wont.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Wednesday 27th of July 2016 07:46:17 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Also - the child might not be an actual "adult", yet, depending on the state. There are still a few states where the age of majority is 21.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The tattoos aren't the problem. It is the drug use that is the big problem. However, i would object to tattoos and piercings if you are still eating off of my cow.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I think Prudie's response is ridiculous. She's basically attacking the mother. A mother has the right to be concerned about her child's drug use.

FNW · Guru

I hate this Prudie.

Tangerine · Guru

I don't know, Prudie may be right on this one. I know two ladies who had tattoos and smoked pot in their late teens/early twenties.
They are both doctors now with lovely families and good jobs.
It really isn't the end of the world like the LW seems to think.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.

I don't see where she is subsidizing anything. He may very well be out on his own.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I think the mother is over reacting but I think Prudie's response is very judgmental.

Tangerine · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.

The LW is one considering having her adult son involuntarily committed to a treatment program. Because of marijuana and tattoos.

The people running an inpatient treatment facility would laugh their butts off.

Lindley · Guru

Well I believe the mother is worried about not only the weed and tattoos but his friends and disrespectful attitude towards his parents.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I would need more info. Is he out on his own? If so if he is working and paying his bills a little pot isn't a big deal. I know a lot of successful people that smoke it.
If he's like going under her roof then she can refuse to support him and time for him to bounce.

FNW · Guru

My guess is he's living under her roof and keeping his stash there, regardless of whether he's smoking it there. How else would she know about it? And if he is living there, and he's disrespectful--well, he'd be finding a new roof to live under.

Lindley · Guru

I do understand why the mother is concerned. At 20 he should be going to college or a trade school and thinking about his future not partying like a 15 yr old. There should be a PA announcement to not ask prude parenting advice.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Prudie still thinks like a teenager herself.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I think she should meet his friends before she makes judgements. In all likelihood they are perfectly fine people, maybe that would ease her mind a bit.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

VetteGirl wrote:
I think she should meet his friends before she makes judgements. In all likelihood they are perfectly fine people, maybe that would ease her mind a bit.

Who's to say she hasn't?

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.

You have to watch out for those dastardly lawyers. They think they are above the law and do things like hard drugs and drink heavily.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.
You have to watch out for those dastardly lawyers. They think they are above the law and do things like hard drugs and drink heavily.

Motrin is a hard drug, now?

FNW · Guru

I judge. And I'm proud of it. Until my dying breath, I will judge anyone or anything that may or might have an affect on my children.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

FNW wrote:
I judge. And I'm proud of it. Until my dying breath, I will judge anyone or anything that may or might have an affect on my children.

Yep. I realize some people don't care about pot, or hanging out with people with no ambition, drive or who don't care about their future. But when it comes to my kid - I care. I want them to surround themselves with positive or neutral influences, not negative ones.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
I judge. And I'm proud of it. Until my dying breath, I will judge anyone or anything that may or might have an affect on my children.
Yep. I realize some people don't care about pot, or hanging out with people with no ambition, drive or who don't care about their future. But when it comes to my kid - I care. I want them to surround themselves with positive or neutral influences, not negative ones.

But this isn't a kid. This is a grown man. No wonder he's like he is. She's cray cray...

FNW · Guru

She might be. But he sounds like he needs a wake-up call.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
I judge. And I'm proud of it. Until my dying breath, I will judge anyone or anything that may or might have an affect on my children.
Yep. I realize some people don't care about pot, or hanging out with people with no ambition, drive or who don't care about their future. But when it comes to my kid - I care. I want them to surround themselves with positive or neutral influences, not negative ones.
But this isn't a kid. This is a grown man. No wonder he's like he is. She's cray cray...

Not if he's still living with Mommy.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Time to start charging the kiddo rent money.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.
I don't see where she is subsidizing anything. He may very well be out on his own.

If he is, then there is really nothing she can do. However, if he is using illegal substances, he is putting his job at risk.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said it's the end of the world? She juat doesn't have to subsidize it. Yeah a few turn into doctors and lawyers. Most however do not suddenly become motuvated.
I don't see where she is subsidizing anything. He may very well be out on his own.
If he is, then there is really nothing she can do. However, if he is using illegal substances, he is putting his job at risk.

That depends on where he lives...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If he is self sufficient, it is his life. But i don't know a lot of 20 yr olds who can afford tattoos, piercings and drugs who are paying their own way.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If he is self sufficient, it is his life. But i don't know a lot of 20 yr olds who can afford tattoos, piercings and drugs who are paying their own way.

I know plenty of them.

DS being one of them.

apple · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If he is self sufficient, it is his life. But i don't know a lot of 20 yr olds who can afford tattoos, piercings and drugs who are paying their own way.
I know plenty of them.
DS being one of them.

True that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know several, as well.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Alrighty then. I dont.

FNW · Guru

I don't know of any either. Tattoos & piercings, yes. Smoking pot, probably. But hanging out with people who do drugs (she didn't say what kind and since her fear leads to heroin I'm guessing they are into hard drugs), combined with his behavior, that would give me concern as well.

apple · Guru

Look around. I see lots of teens and young adults with tattoos and piercings.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Hanging around kids that do drugs. Hello.

apple · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hanging around kids that do drugs. Hello.

That would scare me too.

Hopefully by the time your kids are 20 something you've already given them a good strong ethic and a basis in making smart choices.

My kids get sick of me saying "MAKE SMART CHOICES", whenever they leave the house. :)

-- Edited by apple on Wednesday 27th of July 2016 07:16:45 PM

Tangerine · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hanging around kids that do drugs. Hello.

Hanging around kids she thinks are doing drugs. This LW seems like the type that thinks everyone with tattoos or piercings is on drugs.

apple · Guru

Tangerine wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hanging around kids that do drugs. Hello.
Hanging around kids she thinks are doing drugs. This LW seems like the type that thinks everyone with tattoos or piercings is on drugs.

Maybe SHE is doing drugs and is a bit paranoid?

confuse

Ohfour · Hooker

Tangerine wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hanging around kids that do drugs. Hello.
Hanging around kids she thinks are doing drugs. This LW seems like the type that thinks everyone with tattoos or piercings is on drugs.

Right? The cleanest people I know are tattooed guys with chin piercings. And plugs.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Idk. If moms freaking out and trying to get her son out of town over this (and it doesn't say HE has tattoos. Only hat his friends do) than mom has helicopter-parent issues. If mom is actually seeing him bigger stuff going on, she left it out of the letter!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We dont' have enough information, that's for sure. It could be nothing, or he could be hanging with a bad crowd. Hard to tell. Mom could be grossly over reacting due to some folks having tattoos or she might be seeing her son starting down a bad path.