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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: Was it Wrong to Refuse a Gift?
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: Was it Wrong to Refuse a Gift?
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend surprised me with a book as a gift. As it happened, I already owned a copy of that book, and had read and enjoyed it.

This book was not a best-seller -- far from it -- and my friend could not have expected that. So I laughed at the coincidence and told him the whole truth.

He looked a little chagrined, so I did my best to soften the blow. I praised the gift lavishly -- it really was an excellent book -- and I praised him for knowing the exact kind of book I would like. But I didn't see any point in owning two copies, so I didn't take it. ("Refused" sounds like such a harsh word!) I left it with him (we were at his house at the time) and recommended he keep it and read it himself, or give it to someone else.

By the way, it was not my birthday or any other special occasion. I wasn't expecting a gift at all. I think he just happened to run across a book that was "right up my alley," so to speak, and decided to buy it for me.

Looking back on it, I wonder if I should have accepted the book. What do you say?

GENTLE READER: That you won't be receiving more gifts from this gentleman any time soon.

Yes, Miss Manners confirms your better instinct, that you should have accepted the book. The "whole truth" in reaction to receiving a gift is rarely necessary. The polite thing to do would have been to thank him profusely for his thoughtfulness, say that you know about how good the book is, and then change the subject.

If he directly asks you if you have read it, then you can confess, but even then, you needn't confess voluntarily to owning a copy. As he did not ask, it is up to your discretion to figure out what to do with the second copy, not his.



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karl271


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Why did you tell him the truth?? Just a thank you (profuse or not) and let it go. Why does everyone worry about telling the truth all the time???

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Southern_Belle


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It was rude. She could have accepted it and then donated it to a women's shelter, a nursing home, or any other place that would have been happy to have it.

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Frozen Sucks!

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People should remember that they are receiving a wonderful thought from a gift giver, the actual tangible gift is just the catalyst of that thought.

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Divine Geek


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I've had this happen before. The person was a close friend, so we had a good laugh about her buying me something I already had. Then I kept the set of books she gave me and gave the set I bought to another friend that wanted to read the series.

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FNW


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I never understood why people feel they need to be honest to the point of hurting someone else's feelings or making them feel bad.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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People use "I am just being honest" as their excuse to be able to be rude to others.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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Divine Geek wrote:

I've had this happen before. The person was a close friend, so we had a good laugh about her buying me something I already had. Then I kept the set of books she gave me and gave the set I bought to another friend that wanted to read the series.

 This is what I would have done.  I would have kept the new one and donated the used one to our library that is always happy to take donations that are in good condition.  I've even given the elementary school some of my kids old story books.  I kept all the classics and the ones that held a lot of meaning to us but let's face it, there is no reason for me to have tons of boxes of kids books.  Just be gracious.  Is that too much to ask?



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