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TOPIC: I'm not a bad mum - just honest': Mother, 51, reveals she REGRETTED not terminating her twins after falling pregnant 'by
'I'm not a bad mum - just honest': Mother, 51, reveals she REGRETTED not terminating her twins after falling pregnant 'by mistake'
Jeanne Measom, 51, from Dublin, admits she regrets having twins
They already had four children, Alannah, Finn, Tighe and Charlie
She became pregnant with surprise twins at 42 and was devastated
By SAMANTHA BRICK FOR MAILONLINE
PUBLISHED: 02:41 EST, 3 August 2016 | UPDATED: 06:37 EST, 3 August 2016
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For many women, the prospect of having twins would come as a welcome surprise.
But one very honest mother has revealed how she regretted giving birth to her two boys, and not going through with a termination instead.
In 2008 Jeanne Measom, now 51, from Dublin, assumed her family was complete as she had four children and was happily married to husband Guy – so she was left shocked when she gave a positive pregnancy test.
Jeanne Measom, 51, admits that she regrets having twins Jude and Rowan, above
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Jeanne Measom, 51, admits that she regrets having twins Jude and Rowan, above
Jeanne was already a mum to Alannah, then 10 and Finn, 7. And with Guy, who she had met four years earlier, they had a son Tighe, then 3 and Charlie 8 months.
Jeanne, a writer, whose twin boys Jude and Rowan are now eight years old, reveals that she was still breastfeeding – so the couple weren’t using contraception.
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They had struggled to have son Charlie and she believed it was her final menopause baby.
Her mother had been through the menopause at 41 – and Jeanne said she assumed she wouldn’t be far off from going through The Change either.
Jeanne cried for weeks when she discovered she was pregnant with the twins, now eight, above, and even thought about committing suicide or giving them up for adoption
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Jeanne cried for weeks when she discovered she was pregnant with the twins, now eight, above, and even thought about committing suicide or giving them up for adoption
So when she started experiencing nausea Jeanne said she half-heartedly took a test to put her mind at rest.
She said: ‘I stared and stared at the stick when it showed up positive. My husband was as shocked as I was. How on earth could this have happened?
‘I turned to Guy and demanded just how he thought we could cope with five children.’
Jeanne admits her first thought was a termination.
She said: ‘But first I had to see how far gone I was. A scan at the hospital showed I was six weeks pregnant. While it was early enough to terminate the pregnancy – I realised that I couldn’t go through with it.
‘Guy agreed. His rationale was simple – “what’s one more when you’ve already got four”?’
The maternal bond that came so easily with her other children did not happen with the twins and instead of feeling love she felt regret. Above, Jeanne's sons
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The maternal bond that came so easily with her other children did not happen with the twins and instead of feeling love she felt regret. Above, Jeanne's sons
Jeanne said she struggled during the first and second trimester with morning sickness.
But it was when she and Guy went for the 20-week scan that their world was about to change forever.
‘When the sonographer brought the doctor in who then announced, “I can see two babies!”
‘I was so shocked that I burst into tears. Guy started to laugh. I’d just got my head round having five children – but six?
‘The doctor said both the babies were healthy too. It was a relief to know but I was petrified at how I would cope.
‘As hard as I tried I just couldn’t imagine how I was going to get the older kids to school with a toddler and baby twins in tow.'
Jeanne said unlike when her other children she didn't feel compelled to take any pictures of the twins as they were growing up and didn't even give them a proper bath for the first year
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Jeanne said unlike when her other children she didn't feel compelled to take any pictures of the twins as they were growing up and didn't even give them a proper bath for the first year
Jeanne confesses that she cried for weeks upon hearing the news.
Finally she called a friend who already had twins and pleaded with her for advice. At her behest she bought a buggy that could accommodate three little ones.
The rest of the pregnancy was textbook perfect for the twins – however, Jeanne really struggled.
She said: ‘Towards the end I could hardly move. At the time I was also waitressing and my job became a real struggle. At 38 weeks I had to be induced.
The thought of pushing out two babies filled me with panic. But once the first one came out, I only had to cough and the second one followed
‘The thought of pushing out two babies filled me with panic. But once the first one came out, I only had to cough and the second one followed.'
There was more bad news for Jeanne – now a mother of six – to come.
‘I’d really been hoping for girls, but ended up with identical twin boys,’ she said.
‘It’s such a random, remote thing to have happened to us. Jude was 7lbs and Rowan 6lbs.
‘I remember staring at them traumatised and utterly clueless as to how I’d cope with them.'
At home she threw herself into the endless rounds of feeding and changing.
But if she was hoping that the maternal bond that came so easily with her other children was going to appear - she was mistaken.
‘One night when they were 10 days old, I stood watching them both finally sleeping at the same time.
Due to the stress of having the twins housework went by the wayside and meal times were functional at best in Jeanne and husband Gary's household. Above: The couple together
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Due to the stress of having the twins housework went by the wayside and meal times were functional at best in Jeanne and husband Gary's household. Above: The couple together
‘Instead of the warm fuzzy feeling of love and pride I’d felt with my other children regret burnt inside me.
‘I asked myself what had I done. Had I made the wrong choice in not terminating the pregnancy? I felt guilty for even thinking it.’
While Guy was allowed two weeks off work – after that Jeanne was on her own: ‘It was all I could do not to cling to his ankles, begging him not to leave each day.’
Jeanne had assumed that it was while feeding the twins that the maternal bond would kick in and that she’d get to know her twin identical sons.
‘With my other kids I took endless pictures of them at every stage, but the twins’ gummy smiles failed to melt my heart.
‘I realised there was just no time for that same emotional attachment.
‘I didn’t even given them the luxury of a bath for the first year. I was so exhausted, a clean down with wet wipes sufficed.
‘When their nappy was changed, their face got a wash – that was it.’
Jeanne’s other children coped ‘amazingly well’ with the twins’ presence.
Housework went by the wayside, homework was finished with the constant sound of the twins crying and meal times were functional at best.
Jeanne has strong words of advice for mums-to-be who have just found out they are having twins - get as much help as you can from the second they arrive
Jeanne has strong words of advice for mums-to-be who have just found out they are having twins - get as much help as you can from the second they arrive
‘When they started to become more mobile, I was so exhausted, I struggled to keep up with them.
‘Around their first birthday, I sat in the car with them, listening to both of them wailing and thinking I can’t do this any more.
‘Staring at them in the rear-view mirror dark thoughts rushed through my mind: I could give them up for adoption, or I could kill us all….
‘They were just fleeting thoughts – thankfully. But I felt like I was drowning. I desperately needed help.’
The turning point for Jeanne meant that she enrolled her four youngest children into a crèche for a few hours a week. It meant she slowly got her life back.
Even today having twins has been nothing but one surprise after another for Jeanne.
‘They're ying and yang. Most days I have to keep them apart, I often wonder if there’s some sort of magnetic attraction – they can’t bear to be near each other but they can’t bear to be apart either.
‘I lose count of how many times in a 24-hour period I say to them "just stay away from each other".’
‘They get very physical with each other in a way I have found extraordinary. They fight constantly. It began when they were just 8 months old.
‘Although they’ll always be “the twins”, Guy and I have encouraged them to develop as individuals. When they started school we asked for them to be put in separate classes.’
Jeanne has strong words of advice for mums-to-be who have just found out they are having twins – get as much help as you can from the second they arrive.
‘Rowan and Jude are eight now. I love them – of course I do. But there were days when they were younger that I honestly regretted having them.
‘That might make me sound like a bad mum. I beg to differ.
‘I’m an honest mother and the truth that no parent of multiples likes to admit is this: having twins is unrelentingly hard work.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I've never wanted bio-kids but I don't regret for one second having DS. This woman is horrible. Regretting not killing your babies? Gross. May God soften her soul.
OK - first, a 42 year old woman with 4 children should damn well know how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. She had an 8 month old son, so that whole "I thought I was in menopause" is just an excuse for her stupidity. But even worse - to publish that so her children will always know they were unwanted and their mother regrets having them?
I seriously hate selfish, stupid women.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
OK - first, a 42 year old woman with 4 children should damn well know how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. She had an 8 month old son, so that whole "I thought I was in menopause" is just an excuse for her stupidity. But even worse - to publish that so her children will always know they were unwanted and their mother regrets having them?
These poor kids. Imagine knowing your "mum" felt this way about you. I bet this made her feel sooooo much better but the hell with what it does to her kids.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
Why oh why do people think it's okay to be cruel to someone else all in the name of "honesty." Ugh.
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#it's5o'clocksomewhere
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