Last year, a photo was circulating on the internet of a little girl, who had just gotten her hair done by her teacher. To no one’s surprise this garnered reactions on both ends of the spectrum from the cyber world. As a mother, I was torn in my opinion of the situation, with no reason to think it could ever happen to me. As I read through the responses of Facebook friends, and their friends I thought, If I was a teacher, and a student came into class with her hair matted and linted, yes I would probably take it upon myself to spruce her up. However, in regards to my daughter this was not the case.
Then it actually happened to me and my daughter. One day, after a fresh hair wash, we were running slightly behind to school and I decided–against my better judgment–to let my daughter go to school with a headband and her curls out. BIG MISTAKE.
Thursday afternoon, like every day I went to pick up my daughter from her school playground. As she ran toward me, all I could do was mouth to myself was, WTF!? Seeing my reaction her teacher scurred behind her, quickly offering an exonerating explanation as to why my daughter didn’t look the way she did only a few hours earlier. “I did her hair, I hope you don’t mind?! She said she was hot.”
I was furious. My blood was boiling, and there were no nice words I could find. I offered a limp smile, and could barely utter, “it’s fine.” I was fuming. My daughter’s hair had been brushed, with whose brush? I couldn’t tell you, parted, and braided in plaits, and embellished with rubber bands and barrettes, out of the teachers own supply.
After about 30 minutes to an hour, I called the school and spoke with the director and asked that Lyric’s hair not be touched by anyone, at all, for any reason. She assured me she would talk to the teachers, but I could tell she really didn’t care. For days I debated with my cousin, a former daycare teacher about the violation, boundary infringement, and the subliminal message being taught to my daughter. My cousin argued the teacher had no ill intentions toward my child, and that she thought she was doing a good thing. She assured me her actions meant that Lyric was a favorite in the school, and now that I have made this an issue they will probably treat her differently now.
While I’m 100 percent sure the teacher had no ill intentions when she decided to do my childs hair, but more so just wanted to get her hands in some Black hair. Against my better judgment, I assumed the unspoken rule about not touching Black hair was well known. Needless to say, no matter what the circumstances may be, no matter how tired I am, that hair gets braided down daily! I refuse to allow my child to be mislead into believing her beauty, and worth are defined by what pleases the pale faces of the world. I am a patron of the facility not for beauty treatments, but to first educate, and second care for my child. Unfortunately, I have stigmatized myself as “that mom”, and prayerfully my daughter doesn’t suffer of any ill treatment because of this.
Would I feel as strongly about this situation had her teacher been Black, and decided to do her hair? Nope, because to me that would of been a sister looking out, a homegirl hook up because of the unspoken understanding all Black people share. Is that biased, ignorant, racist? Call it what you want, but because of the history of the Black body, in relation to White people, (ownership, and exhibition) I will never be ok with White hands in my childs hair.
What would you do if your daughter’s teacher did her hair?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Yikes! My tiny niece begs for French braids and comes home with them often. Mummy can't French braid! She laughs. And if the tiny love is with me? Her fingers and toes will be done.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
This woman is crazy bigoted. Teacher wanted to get her hands in Black hair? It would have been ok if the teacher was black because then it was a sister looking out? Homegirl hookup?
Can you imagine the backlash if a white mother wrote this about a black teacher? Holy hell would be unleashed.
This woman is crazy bigoted. Teacher wanted to get her hands in Black hair? It would have been ok if the teacher was black because then it was a sister looking out? Homegirl hookup?
Can you imagine the backlash if a white mother wrote this about a black teacher? Holy hell would be unleashed.
"While I’m 100 percent sure the teacher had no ill intentions when she decided to do my childs hair, but more so just wanted to get her hands in some Black hair. Against my better judgment, I assumed the unspoken rule about not touching Black hair was well known. Needless to say, no matter what the circumstances may be, no matter how tired I am, that hair gets braided down daily! I refuse to allow my child to be mislead into believing her beauty, and worth are defined by what pleases the pale faces of the world. I am a patron of the facility not for beauty treatments, but to first educate, and second care for my child. Unfortunately, I have stigmatized myself as “that mom”, and prayerfully my daughter doesn’t suffer of any ill treatment because of this.
Would I feel as strongly about this situation had her teacher been Black, and decided to do her hair? Nope, because to me that would of been a sister looking out, a homegirl hook up because of the unspoken understanding all Black people share. Is that biased, ignorant, racist? Call it what you want, but because of the history of the Black body, in relation to White people, (ownership, and exhibition) I will never be ok with White hands in my childs hair."
This kind of thinking is why racism still exists and exactly why I say we need to stop giving racism a voice. "Get her hands in black hair" "Unspoken rule about not touching black hair" The part about how it would've been ok if the teacher had been black. What a load of crap. Hair is hair. Black hair is not special. It's different. Not special. Good grief.
The part about an unspoken rule about not touching black hair confuses me. I've never heard of such a thing. Of course, I don't have a desire to run my fingers through someone's hair just because their skin color is different than mine. Is there also an unspoken rule about not touching white hair? Mexican hair? Asian hair?
This woman is crazy bigoted. Teacher wanted to get her hands in Black hair? It would have been ok if the teacher was black because then it was a sister looking out? Homegirl hookup?
Can you imagine the backlash if a white mother wrote this about a black teacher? Holy hell would be unleashed.
A former coworker and his wife adopted a baby; the parents are white, baby black. I overheard two other coworker s discussing how horrible that was for the child. When the child had his first haircut, same coworkers were all up in arms because cutting black hair was a "thing" and the parents had it done too early.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
This woman is crazy bigoted. Teacher wanted to get her hands in Black hair? It would have been ok if the teacher was black because then it was a sister looking out? Homegirl hookup?
Can you imagine the backlash if a white mother wrote this about a black teacher? Holy hell would be unleashed.
A former coworker and his wife adopted a baby; the parents are white, baby black. I overheard two other coworker s discussing how horrible that was for the child. When the child had his first haircut, same coworkers were all up in arms because cutting black hair was a "thing" and the parents had it done too early.
It's sad but honestly i dont' know if white parents should adopt a black child. Seems like they get nothing but criticism for doing so.
This woman is crazy bigoted. Teacher wanted to get her hands in Black hair? It would have been ok if the teacher was black because then it was a sister looking out? Homegirl hookup?
Can you imagine the backlash if a white mother wrote this about a black teacher? Holy hell would be unleashed.
A former coworker and his wife adopted a baby; the parents are white, baby black. I overheard two other coworker s discussing how horrible that was for the child. When the child had his first haircut, same coworkers were all up in arms because cutting black hair was a "thing" and the parents had it done too early.
I've never heard of this or not touching black hair but I'll admit I have little knowledge on the subject. As I see it the parents get to decide when their child needs a haircut.
Yeah, i have never heard that as some unspoken rule either. However, nowadays everyone is so offended and super sensitive that teachers can't even move.
I don't know about "black hair" but I know about curly hair.
No. You don't brush it.
It frizzes and it gets frizzier as the day goes on.
But it was braided. That's what she does to it every morning, so big deal.
The "black" this and "white" that is beyond old.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
When Bunny was in the NICU, he was sporting a different hairstyle every morning when we came to see him.
We just figured the night nurses were having a bit of fun with him. He was the only full term baby in there, the tiny ones were connected to so many tubes and things- I don't imagine they get to hold and play with them as much.
I guess j should have lost my **** and demanded that no one change his clothes or hair except me.
This is so stupid like everything else in today's world.
On a side note, people should adopt whatever child is right for them in their hearts, not what society thinks is right. Although I understand where you're coming from LGS, it's sad that it has to be that way.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I did know that you should never touch a black person's hair. Their hair is very brittle and can break easily so you should not touch it. Their hair needs to be treated differently than Caucasian hair and it takes years of training to do it correctly. Additionally, many white people who have never seen black hair up close just reach out and touch it. It's annoying in the same way that touching a pregnant woman's belly is - it's an invasion of personal space. Hair is a very touchy subject for black women especially. No pun intended. Most white women have no idea the struggles black women go through to get their hair looking the way they want. Hours and hours at the salon and tons of money spent. Often, black women are judged by their hair. Shoot - Gabby Douglas was judged at the Olympics for having messy hair after she competed in her event! The white competitors had hair all over the place too but no one else was called out except Gabby.
That said, this woman took it too far. She needs to get over it. The teacher was being loving and meant no disrespect. You have to take people's intentions into consideration. The mother could have used this as an opportunity to educate the teacher on the history/special needs of black hair but she chose to get pissed off instead. That's on her.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
And this is one of the benefits of having friends of all races. My black women friends talk about their hair to me and their struggles and so I have been exposed to their experiences. A few of DD's teammates last year were black and she learned a lot about it from them.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I think black hair is beautiful. I've always admired how stiff (for lack of a better word) it is and that one could put it up and have it stay put. I also love the braids.
There's a black woman in my Church who has gorgeous hair. I don't think she does much to it. My favorite hairstyle she does is when she leaves it poofy (I don't know the right word, it's not an Afro) and it looks like a crown sitting on her head. She's also in the choir and I love when she's singing. Very energetic and really gets everyone jazzed up.
I was in church on night and the lady behind me played with it until I finally pulled it all up over my shoulder and braided it.
Just annoying.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I used to have super frizzy curly hair. I had it straightened in, I think, my junior year of high school. It stayed stick straight for about 2 years then the curls came back but as soft, wavy curls.
DS has my curly hair but it has to grow out quite a bit before the curls come in.
Aaron has let his grow out some, the weight is pulling the curls down some.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
DD has all my ringlets. I swear, I had a thick mane of ringlets. In the summer I could wash it, pick it, and let it go. It was beautiful. Not I have flat, thin, nothing hair.
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Well no not according to the new definition of bigotry. White can't touch black but black can ridicule, kill, and whatever else they want to a white person.
Ok that was an awful statement, but I fear this is what is happening to this society.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
Pretty d@mn sure non of those women are alive today, why continue the hatred?
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
And this rationalization for bigotry is why it is allowed to flourish. It's getting worse.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
Pretty d@mn sure non of those women are alive today, why continue the hatred?
What women aren't alive now? The white women who approach black women and tell them how to wear their hair? They certainly are. You should hang around more black women more often. I have seen white women tell my black friends or black coworkers how they should do their hair. It isn't meant in a kind way either. It's meant in a derogatory way. I have been present when my black women friends have had white women walk up and touch their hair without asking or their children's hair. It's appalling.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
And this rationalization for bigotry is why it is allowed to flourish. It's getting worse.
What part of "the OP took her rage too far" did you not understand ? I think the OP was way out of line. But that doesn't mean others in the story couldn't have also been out of line - intentionally or not.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I have never seen anyone walk up to a black woman and touch her hair.
I do know there are differences to their hair. I had a very pleasant conversation with a customer about it once. My cousin's daughter is biracial. She definitely got her mom's hair. I expressed how frustrated my aunt had been trying to learn how to do her granddaughters hair. My customer was great, explained a little about her hair and told me to send my aunt over to her house and she would teach her all about it. So obviously it is not a black thing to forbid white hands. It's just this one hateful person that needs to get over herself.
I have never seen anyone walk up to a black woman and touch her hair.
I do know there are differences to their hair. I had a very pleasant conversation with a customer about it once. My cousin's daughter is biracial. She definitely got her mom's hair. I expressed how frustrated my aunt had been trying to learn how to do her granddaughters hair. My customer was great, explained a little about her hair and told me to send my aunt over to her house and she would teach her all about it. So obviously it is not a black thing to forbid white hands. It's just this one hateful person that needs to get over herself.
Well said
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
"...white hands in my child's hair..."? What a hateful bigot.
Again, you have to understand the cultural context for what she is saying here. For centuries, white women have been telling black women what appropriate hair styles for the black women are. White women routinely walk up to black women and touch their hair and make some ignorant comments about it. I have seen it happen. Black women spend a ton of money and time to get their hair looking the way they want it to look. White women could not possibly understand. There are larger cultural issues at play that need considered when looking at that statement.
And again, the OP took her rage a bit too far. She needed to look at the intent of the teacher. The act was done out of love. It doesn't excuse the ignorance but it should have tempered the OP's anger.
And this rationalization for bigotry is why it is allowed to flourish. It's getting worse.
What part of "the OP took her rage too far" did you not understand ? I think the OP was way out of line. But that doesn't mean others in the story couldn't have also been out of line - intentionally or not.
No one was out of line but the mother. The child went to school without her hair done, complained to the teacher she was hot, and the teacher helped her. End of story. The mother is a loon. I suppose the teacher could have said, "sorry kid, I can't help you because you are black and I'm white." Yeah - that would have been better.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
The teacher says flat out that if a black teacher had done the exact same thing, it would have been perfectly fine. The teacher did not ruin the hair or do anything bad to it. It's flat out racism - and there is NO EXCUSE for it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I am aware of the unspoken (don't touch black hair) rule. They are very protective of their hair.
That being said, I don't think there was any racial intent on the part of the teacher...she probably thought she was trying to help. This reminds me of the Grey's Anatomy episode where Grey didn't do her adopted daughter's hair (because she didn't know how) and got some weird looks whenever she dropped her off at the hospital daycare.
The only racist in this situation was the black mother.