So I received an email form my prior employer offering me a job in Brussels. First I would love to go and so would DD. It would be for two years. Of course, Exdh would never allow that. Put that aside. What would you do? Uproot and move a totally different country and have 1 month to do so? I so want to have that experience. The thing is, the same opportunity will be there in a few years, close to the time when DD can decide things for herself. I want to got now! Second, financially, it is such a great lucrative job and afterwards when I come back to the states, I will have no issue finding a position. GRRR I so want to go.
Venting and dreaming of course.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
First, congratulations on the offer. That's a huge pat on the back.
As for what I would do, if it meant I had to leave my kids, I just couldn't do it.
I'd have to wait until they were older and could go with me or support themselves.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
But heck yeah! If I could go and take the kids, at your DD's age, I'd totally do it!
Be an active part of the world, not just one small town.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
As I said, I would be dreaming to even think I can take DD right now. I did let them know I am interested but right now is not possible. But what I do need to do is research it, get more information to see what all is involved. I know several people already working over there.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Is it possible to go over there for a shorter term? That might be a possible compromise. If not, then you should at least have a discussion with your ex. Maybe he would see this as a great opportunity for your dd. On the other hand, if i was him, i would not want to miss the important years of my DD's life either, so i could understand if he isn't in favor of it.
How old is DD? I think my decision, if DD's father would allow, would depend on her age and how she felt about it. My mother grew up with parents who had "itchy feet." Constantly moving. She went to 4 high schools, as an example. She hated it. Never wanted it for us kids, so we remained put in the same house for 15 years. She hated always being the "new girl" in school. Horrible for her.
I have a friend who was a military brat. Same thing. She hated it as well, leaving her friends behind all the time.
If it were just you, I would say go, what a wonderful experience. But it's not just you anymore. And I know you know this and are torn. As for the ex, if I were him, I would not want my child living 30 minutes away much less several hours away in a foreign country.
OK - ex DH IS being a butt about not allowing the passport for vacations, but he is not a butt to say no to his kid moving overseas for 2 years. Sorry - but I wouldn't let my kid go without me.
Luckily for you, the opportunity will still be there in a few years, but you have to realize that a teenager may not want to go then.
We sacrifice a lot for our kids - this is just one of those things.
But yes, I would love the opportunity to go.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
You don't want to be away from your daughter for 2 years and he wouldn't either.
And while there is always visits, a couple visits is not the same as being in the same area and seeing each other weekly.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It really depends on the personality and age of your daughter I think. I mean, after my parent's divorce they lived in different states and I moved back and forth between them and I don't remember being traumatized from it. But I have a personality where I like change and get bored in one placed for too long. So I lived with my dad for my middle school years, my mom for the first half of high school and my dad for the last half of high school.
I guess my point is kids are normally more resilient than we give them credit for, and maybe she will welcome the change of pace?
The whole bit about the passport is pretty petty and messed up, he's hindering her potential growth just to be a butthole.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
She does want to go. She would love the schools there. They are set up for kids from all over the North Atlantic. I know she would benefit tremendously from the experience. We would live in the city which is very exciting.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
She does want to go. She would love the schools there. They are set up for kids from all over the North Atlantic. I know she would benefit tremendously from the experience. We would live in the city which is very exciting.
OK. So, she has to tell her dad - not you. In passing. "Mom got a job offer in Brussels." "What??!!!!???" "Yeah, she turned it down b/c she knew you wouldn't let me go. Said it would be too big a fight." Then the tears have to come. Crocodile ones. "I think it sounds really cool." In a whisper with sobs.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
She does want to go. She would love the schools there. They are set up for kids from all over the North Atlantic. I know she would benefit tremendously from the experience. We would live in the city which is very exciting.
OK. So, she has to tell her dad - not you. In passing. "Mom got a job offer in Brussels." "What??!!!!???" "Yeah, she turned it down b/c she knew you wouldn't let me go. Said it would be too big a fight." Then the tears have to come. Crocodile ones. "I think it sounds really cool." In a whisper with sobs.
He might for dd. My dd rented their house while they were overseas. I agree with LL, let your dd ask her dad. This would be a great experience for your dd.
Would he allow her to visit? If so, I would take the job and have her come visit you for the entire summer and Christmas Break.
While it would kill me to be away from my daughter, if I could work out a deal that would allow her to spend a good amount of time in Europe I'd take it.
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“One day, you will be old enough to start reading fairytales again.”
C.S.Lewis
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
She does want to go. She would love the schools there. They are set up for kids from all over the North Atlantic. I know she would benefit tremendously from the experience. We would live in the city which is very exciting.
OK. So, she has to tell her dad - not you. In passing. "Mom got a job offer in Brussels." "What??!!!!???" "Yeah, she turned it down b/c she knew you wouldn't let me go. Said it would be too big a fight." Then the tears have to come. Crocodile ones. "I think it sounds really cool." In a whisper with sobs.
On the other hand, if DD WANTS to go - you may be able to get the courts to let you go b/c it's such an opportunity for both of you. Difficult, yes, but not completely impossible.
She does want to go. She would love the schools there. They are set up for kids from all over the North Atlantic. I know she would benefit tremendously from the experience. We would live in the city which is very exciting.
OK. So, she has to tell her dad - not you. In passing. "Mom got a job offer in Brussels." "What??!!!!???" "Yeah, she turned it down b/c she knew you wouldn't let me go. Said it would be too big a fight." Then the tears have to come. Crocodile ones. "I think it sounds really cool." In a whisper with sobs.
Oh she is so drama now that she will so do all you said without me prompting. She already knows about the passport deal and such. She hears how he trashes me and how her brothers do to. She gets it and will play it up.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
What would happen to your house while you're gone? Sell it? Keep it vacant and ask someone to check it now and then? Get renters?
What about Sonny? Take him? Rehome him? Find someone to watch him for 2 years?
What if you love it and want it to be a permanent change?
I think I would not rent the house out. I would have to come back twice a year, that is due to how the retirement works in Europe. They make all foreigners leave long enough to not be eligible for their benefits. Sonny I am thinking would stay with a neighbor who really likes him, not sure, that is an issue. And if I loved it, I could extend. I actually am guessing that I will want to extend, or go back.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Would he allow her to visit? If so, I would take the job and have her come visit you for the entire summer and Christmas Break.
While it would kill me to be away from my daughter, if I could work out a deal that would allow her to spend a good amount of time in Europe I'd take it.
I won't go without her.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Would he allow her to visit? If so, I would take the job and have her come visit you for the entire summer and Christmas Break.
While it would kill me to be away from my daughter, if I could work out a deal that would allow her to spend a good amount of time in Europe I'd take it.
I won't go without her.
Well, then that is it. Just like you could not leave your daughter, neither can he.
__________________
“One day, you will be old enough to start reading fairytales again.”
C.S.Lewis
Would he allow her to visit? If so, I would take the job and have her come visit you for the entire summer and Christmas Break.
While it would kill me to be away from my daughter, if I could work out a deal that would allow her to spend a good amount of time in Europe I'd take it.
I won't go without her.
Well, then that is it. Just like you could not leave your daughter, neither can he.
Yeah, that's really not the issue. He's doing this to make IKWTDS miserable. He doesn't give on toot about his daughter...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Would he allow her to visit? If so, I would take the job and have her come visit you for the entire summer and Christmas Break.
While it would kill me to be away from my daughter, if I could work out a deal that would allow her to spend a good amount of time in Europe I'd take it.
I won't go without her.
Well, then that is it. Just like you could not leave your daughter, neither can he.
Yeah, that's really not the issue. He's doing this to make IKWTDS miserable. He doesn't give one toot about his daughter...
... which is a big reason why IKWTDS can't go and leave DD here.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
