DEAR ABBY: One of my relatives has become incontinent. She leaks badly. Most of the time her pants are wet. When she comes to visit, she doesn’t hesitate to sit on my furniture, and when she stands up, she causes a spot on my carpet!
I’m worried my house will start to smell. After she leaves I have to go around spraying and mopping.
I’m sure she wears adult diapers because after she leaves we find them in our trash. They are soaked, so I think she probably needs to change more often.
How do I ask her nicely not to sit on my furniture? I would love to suggest having her get medical help, but am afraid she would be insulted and I don’t know how to address it. I love her, but not her messes! — GRITTING MY TEETH
DEAR GRITTING: According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than half of seniors are plagued by incontinence. It happens to both sexes, but bladder incontinence happens more often to women. Many seniors find it so embarrassing that they are afraid to discuss it with their doctors.
Because your relative’s incontinence is causing you a problem, you must discuss it with her. Say you love her, and encourage her to talk to her doctor by explaining that this is a common problem.
A solution might be to buy a plastic slipcover for her favorite chair or have her sit in one that will cause you less of a problem.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Give her a plastic bag when she walks in the door, tell her that's to sit on.
Seriously, just tell her.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think it's easier to sit here and say what she should do than it would be to actually approach aunt Matilda and tell her she is peeing on the sofa. That would be horribly embarrassing for everyone involved. But it must be done. She should take her relative to another room and gently break the news to her. It may be that she can't afford to change the diapers any more often - they are expensive. It's going to be a horribly difficult conversation to have and I think the answer should have included more specific wording to help the OP. I can't imagine having to have this conversation with a loved one - although I would have it.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I think it's easier to sit here and say what she should do than it would be to actually approach aunt Matilda and tell her she is peeing on the sofa. That would be horribly embarrassing for everyone involved. But it must be done. She should take her relative to another room and gently break the news to her. It may be that she can't afford to change the diapers any more often - they are expensive. It's going to be a horribly difficult conversation to have and I think the answer should have included more specific wording to help the OP. I can't imagine having to have this conversation with a loved one - although I would have it.
The OP does not mention that Aunt Matilda has any mental issues, so she has GOT to know she is peeing on people's furniture. If the OP had said the relative was having cognitive issues as well as the physical, my response would be different. And if she's using the adult diapers - the best time would be when visiting someone, don't you think?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
For a practical, quick fix, buy a box of Poise pads, and have them on hand
for Auntie when she visits. And obviously, when she visits, she MUST
know that she had an odor. You can't have wet adult diapers without
smelling them. Collect all the coupons you can find for Poise (or similar)
products, and give them to Auntie the next time she visits, along with a
long, gentle hug.
We had a client that had this problem. He would smell & always leave a stain in our guest chairs. We didn't know what to do & got the point we dreaded his monthly visit. He always came in & paid cash & would like to sit & visit. Finally my boss called his daughter to discuss the issue. Believe me it is a very uncomfortable situation.
I agree she needs to speak to her about it. Also have chucks on the chairs to protect them.
It wouldn't hurt to keep some pads and adult undergarments and a change of slacks on hand for her either.
If Auntie is resistant to that is unfortunately have to stop hosting her.
That's just really nasty. Urine is not easy to clean and that's very unhygienic. Anyone who has not lost their faculties has no excuse for not taking care of that when leaving the house. It is incredibly rude to knowingly ruin other people's furniture. Being old does not excuse you from common decency - and in fact, means you should absolutely know better.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Through my volunteer work with the softball league, I sometimes have people stopping over to pick up checks for uniforms or other softball gear. The Director has been undergoing cancer treatments on and off for a couple of years. After one of his visits, I notice a large wet mark on the chair he was sitting on. I did clean it and I feel badly for him. I don't think it is a constant problem, maybe just every so often. But I can't keep having that happen so I now meet him at area businesses or at the field to drop off what he needs.
If this was a friend or relative I would have to say something. It is an awkward situation. However, saying something may help Aunt Myrtle realize why she is not invited many places anymore.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
DH's family had a friend that had some kind of problem that made him leak fluid. I don't know what it was. He would put old sales ad on the seat when I'd drive him somewhere.
-- Edited by chef on Friday 2nd of September 2016 03:57:28 PM
We had a client that had this problem. He would smell & always leave a stain in our guest chairs. We didn't know what to do & got the point we dreaded his monthly visit. He always came in & paid cash & would like to sit & visit. Finally my boss called his daughter to discuss the issue. Believe me it is a very uncomfortable situation.
I would put a towel down on a chair and have my grandmother sit there when she visited. She had Alzheimers so telling her would do no good. Incontinence was the least of our problems.
