Dear Carolyn: My brother and his wife recently bought a house and said — not once but twice — we should look at the house around the corner that was also for sale. I was a little surprised, because although my brother and I get along well, his wife has never expressed much interest in our family.
We went to look and wound up really liking it. We decided to make an offer and asked (before we did) if they were sure they were okay with our making the offer. They said yes (somewhat enthusiastically, too!). So we made an offer.
After we did, my brother sent us a text basically saying they were afraid that living so close would be stressful to them and our kids might have issues in school (same ages, not even in school yet). My husband and I were obviously upset.
Our offer was accepted, and we decided to keep moving forward. We never responded to his text, and there is some obvious tension. My brother has refused to respond to texts about inspectors and mortgages, etc., basically refusing to acknowledge we are going through with the purchase. My brother’s MO is usually to ignore any conflict. I feel like we probably should talk things out, but I am not sure of the best approach at this point. Any advice?
House Drama
When people do something that nuts, “should” is off the table.
Since their roulette ball has dropped into the “panic at your moving so close” slot, I suggest you avoid any remedies that would only exacerbate their fear of being invaded. That means no more texts about inspectors or mortgages (a good policy anyway, seriously) and no “We need to talk” overtures.
So, what would work? Possibly nothing with this crew, but you can try continuing to be in touch with them on roughly the schedule you’ve always been and seeing them at the next interval you usually would. Prove you won’t be up in their grilles.
When you do see them, what the hell, thank them for tipping you off to this house.
This is, of course, highly weird — no mention of his urging you in polar opposite directions? — but you aren’t starting the weird, you’re just rolling with it. Maybe when you prove you’ll respect their space, they’ll be a little less protective of it.
-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Tuesday 6th of September 2016 03:57:03 PM
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I think it's like when people say "we should get together sometime, call me." And you do and either they can't make plans or don't call you back. It was just talk. Or maybe the wife doesn't want them there, afraid it'll take attention away from them/their children.
-- Edited by Whenitrains on Tuesday 6th of September 2016 04:44:38 PM
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I would do this but would also invite the bro and family. I have no idea what is going through Bro's mind but why would anyone act excited for someone to move close to them and then do a 180?
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
My brother and I lived in the same condo complex. We were a quick walk from each other's place. And our grandparents were nearby as well in our development. It was great! None of us were in each other's hair, yet we were there when we needed someone.
I think the advice was spot on. And I like the block party idea. ehehe
I would do this but would also invite the bro and family. I have no idea what is going through Bro's mind but why would anyone act excited for someone to move close to them and then do a 180?
That's what I meant.
Everyone.
Let him be a scowley scowl all he wants.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I am betting the brother was all for the move and his wife is the one against it. She didn't know he sent that first text and give him crap when she found out what he did. She needs to be the queen of the neighborhood and doesn't want any competition.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
