TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Amy - my daughter and her husband won't let grandkids stay at our house.
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Amy - my daughter and her husband won't let grandkids stay at our house.
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Dear Amy - my daughter and her husband won't let grandkids stay at our house.
Permalink  
 

Husbands are suddenly denied access to grandkids

Dear Amy: I am a gay man. My husband and I are legally married and have been together for 20 years. We were both married to women previously, and we both have children. Our kids are older now and are having children of their own.

We love our grandchildren dearly and love spending time with them. One of our daughters has three children and a stepson with her husband.

RELATED: TRENDING LIFE & STYLE NEWS THIS HOUR

Suddenly, we've been told we can't have the grandchildren stay at our house anymore.

Our daughter says that her husband suddenly has issues with this. (We were told that we could visit them.)

What are the issues? We have asked. She doesn't say.

It has caused great emotional pain, and has made us feel that they require some sort of restricted visitation.

I believe my daughter loves us, but she is standing by her husband.

I am at a loss. I have such anger toward her husband, and I feel like that if I bow down to his demands, it will only get worse.

How can I sit there and enjoy my time with the kids when he is watching over me like I am some kind of pedophile?

I am just at a loss.

Your advice?

— Hurt Grandfather

Dear Hurt: I recently listened to a radio documentary about a family where the parents placed controlled restrictions similar to the ones you are facing now. And in this case, the grandparents continued to visit and see the children. The (now adult) granddaughter who was describing her childhood said her grandparents were her lifeline. They were heroes, as so many grandparents are.

If you want to continue to have a relationship with your grandchildren, you should carry on and be the grandfathers to these kids that they deserve to have. You should be loving, kind and as involved as possible.

It will ultimately be up to all of the adults to work through this. You have not been given any explanation for this restriction, and so you should not assume the worst (this won't help).

You should visit, and (away from the children) ask the father for an explanation. Keep the interests of your daughter and her children paramount. And then you will have to decide whether you can learn to tolerate this situation.

If you retreat now, things won't change. If you push through, you give change a chance.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Things "suddenly" changed. I'd want to know why, too. Because if they were staying before, I can't think that the relationship was the problem, but something new has occurred.

Perhaps the children are getting older and no longer as comfortable with staying over with no woman present? Are they girls or boys?

If the man wants to be in his grand kids' lives, he is going to have to accept this arrangement. There's no reason the grand kids have to spend the night in order for him to have a relationship with them.

__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

I agree. Why is it so important for them to have sleepovers?

Perhaps the husband doesn't feel comfortable exposing his children to two men sleeping together, having to explain, etc. Perhaps the children are at an impressionable age where the husband is worried they might think homosexuality is normal and okay, and become one.

I do know some people who equate homosexuality with pedophilia. Maybe the husband is one of them?

At any rate, if grandpas want to have a relationship with his grandchildren, I do not see where the parents are preventing this.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

And I know plenty of people who would not let their kids stay overnight anywhere with an unrelated man without a woman there.

__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

I wouldn't, LL.

And although the LW says he and his husband are married, perhaps the father doesn't believe in gay marriage.



__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

When you choose a lifestyle, you choose all that comes with it.

No way would I allow my young kids unsupervised visits in this situation.



__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
Mary Zombie


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1758
Date:
Permalink  
 

I'm thinking the kids are old enough now to understand what's going on and that's whuy the parents are doing this.
Unfortunately it's the parents right.
Though did the LW mention how old the kids are? Maybe they don't want to stay at Grandpa's anymore. Perhaps they want to do other things on the weekends with friends.

__________________
That's Mrs. Face to you!
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Suddenly, the husband has "issues' with them. What kind of issues? Maybe too much PDA for his taste or something. Who knows. Maybe he just doesn't believe that this kind of lifestyle is a good influence on the children. If that is the case, I doubt they will change their minds. But, try to have a conversation about it and be open to listening to their reasons without automatically getting defensive. Doesn't mean they are right, but it is their children so they get to make those decisions.
At this point, i would keep visiting them at their house. And, maybe over time, they will soften a bit.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

My cousin "came out" about 5 years ago after being married (to a man) for 12 years. She has a girlfriend now. We have not invited her to join us at the beach house, because we don't want all the PDA in front of the boys. (They overly share on FB). It's just a confusing age, IMO.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Divine Geek


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4189
Date:
Permalink  
 

Lawyerlady wrote:

Things "suddenly" changed. I'd want to know why, too. Because if they were staying before, I can't think that the relationship was the problem, but something new has occurred.

Perhaps the children are getting older and no longer as comfortable with staying over with no woman present? Are they girls or boys?

If the man wants to be in his grand kids' lives, he is going to have to accept this arrangement. There's no reason the grand kids have to spend the night in order for him to have a relationship with them.

 It doesn't say overnight. Just stay. I took that as they do not allow the kids at grandpa's house without a parent there at all. 

it's the parents choice. But I think they are wrong (absent some information LW has excluded). 



__________________

Faith makes things possible, not easy
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Maybe it has nothing to do with their lifestyle. Maybe they have guns in the house. Maybe they have allergens that make the kids sick. Maybe they won't move medicines and knives to the top drawer and don't watch the kids. Maybe they are getting senile and forget to turn the stove off or shut the front door.

When my in-laws would visit and the boys were learning to crawl, I used to find their prescription medication (pills) on the rugs in the family room where the boys played.

There could be all kinds of reasons.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

FNW wrote:

Maybe it has nothing to do with their lifestyle. Maybe they have guns in the house. Maybe they have allergens that make the kids sick. Maybe they won't move medicines and knives to the top drawer and don't watch the kids. Maybe they are getting senile and forget to turn the stove off or shut the front door.

When my in-laws would visit and the boys were learning to crawl, I used to find their prescription medication (pills) on the rugs in the family room where the boys played.

There could be all kinds of reasons.

 And since the relationship is not new - but the rule is, something changed that the LW is not owning up to.



__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Cheerios4606


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2279
Date:
Permalink  
 

I think something new happened too. Weird.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Amy - my daughter and her husband won't let grandkids stay at our house.


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard