DEAR ABBY: A woman I’ll call Betty Jo works in my office. We are only casual acquaintances. We speak in passing when time permits, but she has never invited me to lunch with her or suggested any interaction outside the job.
About three months ago, Betty Jo mentioned that she and her husband were planning a renewal of wedding vows and said she was going to invite me. In my mailbox at work, I found a poorly photocopied version of a formal invitation, with the following handwritten at the top in large block letters: CASH GIFTS ARE CHEERFULLY ACCEPTED!
I did not plan on attending, since I felt that if Betty Jo really wanted me, she could have at least sent me an original invitation to my home.
Two weeks ago, as I knitted during my lunch break, Betty Jo came up to me and asked about the item I was working on. She then informed me that since I hadn’t yet given her a gift, I could complete my knitting project and give that to her!
Abby, I was flabbergasted. It’s a custom-designed angora sweater, a gift for a cherished friend. I mumbled something about being “busy as a bee” with projects to complete, and since that day I have gone out of my way to avoid any contact with Betty Jo. I’ve even managed to find an office with a door that locks in which to take my breaks.
First, am I behind the times or is requesting money on an invitation a new trend? Second, why would this rude and clueless woman request such an elaborate gift from someone she barely knows? Third, how do I handle future interactions with her at the office? Please don’t reveal my name, city or state. — BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED
DEAR BOTHERED: You are not behind the times. To request a gift of money (cash, yet!) is still regarded by most people as bad manners. Your co-worker asked you for the sweater you were knitting because she either has a lot of nerve, or doesn’t know any better.
Please stop trying to hide from her. You don’t have to feel defensive for not attending her renewal ceremony or giving her a gift. Just maintain a polite and consistent distance, and continue to socialize with others as you always have.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Oh, boy. It would have taken me every once of willpower not to photocopy some money and send it back. But with the sweater, she should have said - I'm knitting this for a close friend.
I wonder if she has RSVP'd to her photo-copied invite? If not, she needs to, with a resounding, DECLINE. A photo-copied version, though.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I'd said something like, "I'll send youyou a copy".
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It would have taken me every once of willpower not to photocopy some money and send it back.
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I bet lw is not the only one who received a copied invite and being hounded. If a co-worker did that to me and then demanded a gift, I would tell her to stop harassing me.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Better yet, give her a copy of the knitting instructions (poorly copied, btw)
and tell her where you bought the yarn. "Sorry, Betty Jo, I've already made
plans for that day. Best wishes"
Wow! And here I was feeling weird for inviting people to our vow renewal (this coming Saturday) because though we've been together for 20 years, we've only been married for 10 of them. We are not looking for gifts and nothing about it was mentioned in the invitation. I can't believe someone would even talk about that. It implies that they expect a gift and ... wow... just wow. No.
