DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend for 11 months. Things are mostly good, but there are a few things I need your advice on.
He still hasn’t introduced me to his grown daughter, and he stays in contact with his ex-wife. When he gets drunk, he texts her and tells her he loves her and wants to go back home to her, but when he’s sober, he insists he loves only me and wants us to spend our lives together.
Do you think he’s still in love with her, or does he really love me? I have talked to his friends. They say he loves me and not her because he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t. — LOVES ME, LOVES ME NOT
DEAR L.M.L.M.N.: Do I think your boyfriend is still in love with his ex? Let me put it this way: He still has feelings for her, but whether they are strong enough that she’s a threat to your relationship I can’t be sure.
What does need addressing because you and he have been living together for nearly a year is why you haven’t met the daughter, and the fact that this man may have a drinking problem. Once you do, you’ll find the answers you’re looking for.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Yes, he still loves his ex. He probably always will, after all he was married to her for years and they had a child together. BUT, obviously, love wasn't enough to keep them together.
The bigger problem is that you haven't met his daughter, which means he isn't serious about your relationship (maybe there's a "yet" there, maybe not).
It sounds like you might be his rebound GF.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
The daughter is grown. Perhaps she doesn't want to meet the new gf? It might not be the dad's fault. Then again, I'm a firm believer that whatever comes out when someone is three sheets to the wind is the way they really feel. Alcohol is like truth serum.
11 months of this and she's asking everyone for permission to kick him out.
Follow your gut girlie.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I believe he still is in love with his wife. When he is sober he accepts the fact they aren't together but when he is drunk he shows his true feelings.
He isn't ready for a serious relationship and he obviously isn't in love with her (the girl friend).
His true feelings come out when he is drunk. When sober he knows the ex will never take him back. The drinking may even be the reason for the split. The drunk texts probably make her glad they aren't together anymore.
LW should move on. Asking all his friends if he really loves her makes her sound very insecure & she will never be really at ease & comfortable in this relationship.
Alcohol is the greatest truth serum ever invented. Trust the alcohol. He's still in love with his wife. And if he's not drunk texting his girlfriend, he's not in love with her.
