TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Carolyn: Unequal Gifts from Grandma
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Carolyn: Unequal Gifts from Grandma
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Dear Carolyn: Unequal Gifts from Grandma
Permalink  
 

Carolyn: I have a bizarre dilemma that needs a light touch in handling. My wife, my children and I are very close to my grandparents, who live within an easy drive. We still see them often, and never miss birthdays, holidays, etc. My grandparents are generous with gifts but, in recent years, gifts have been replaced by checks (usually about $100) because it’s harder for them to get around to stores. No problems there, of course.

The issue is that the amount given to me is usually double the amount given to my wife, who spends as much time with my grandparents as I do, if not more. I seriously doubt this is an intentional slight.

My guess is that they don’t think of the implications for my wife, who is in a small way somewhat hurt by the move. It’s just a sense-of-worth thing that unfortunately is manifested in a monetary gift. Is there an easy way to handle this without hurting someone’s feelings or coming off as ungrateful? — T.

zk33ty.jpg
TOP ADVICE COLUMNS

Dear T.: “Light touch”? How ’bout no touch. Wow.

Sure, a stroke of the pen could indeed bring equality to Giftland, but that route is hardly “easy.”

For one, there’s nothing simple about hurting your grandparents with the suggestion that their gifts haven’t been warmly received, and/or insulting them with the implication that they haven’t been generous enough.

It’s also an illusion that Giftland is in any need of equality. Your grandparents have known you, presumably, since your infancy. Even if you don’t agree that this alone justifies a larger gift, surely you — or your wife — can appreciate that others would?

The genuinely easy solution is for your wife to realize she can’t expect her love or validation to come in the form she prefers. Or at all, though she’s apparently close to your grandparents.

I realize this is advice for her more than it is for you, but I hope you’ll encourage her to see that having her children enjoy their great-grandparents is its own validation. It would take shortsightedness of epic proportions to sell this for a hundred bucks.



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

OMG! Grow the freak up! Wow.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Status: Offline
Posts: 27192
Date:
Permalink  
 

Oh, geez - these are grown ups? I get the issue - my mother once gave my husband $800 for his birthday and sent me $25 for mine. But it is a JOKE between us. We're adults - we don't need to be getting gifts at all. They are very nice to send her a separate check at all.

__________________

LawyerLady

 

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. 
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

Cash the checks and enjoy the money and say thank you. Someone is giving you a gift they don't have to give you at all. I really don't understand people who make mountains of drama over all this kind of nonsense.

Case in point, my aunt from across the country was coming up to visit. Haven't seen her in years. And, what did she do? She called my other aunt who lives nearby and started making a big deal about some ring she bought for her father, my grandfather, 30 years ago. First of all who the freak cares about this ring? Second, the ring was probably long gone as gramps took up with a lady who was a bit of a golddigger after grandma died. Anyway, she kicked up a fuss, then she sent a letter to one of my cousins who supposedly had the ring but didn't. Who the hell cares at this point? Sorry, i just don't get this kind of thinking of at all.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

Status: Offline
Posts: 16913
Date:
Permalink  
 

Goodness....It's a gift. They can give what they want.

__________________

A person's a person no matter how small.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

No good deed goes unpunished. Grandma is trying to do something nice. But, yet there is always someone who wants to beitch.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

Status: Offline
Posts: 16913
Date:
Permalink  
 

Maybe they like his wife half as much as they like him!

__________________

A person's a person no matter how small.
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

I didn't realize grandma was supposed to pay for his wife's time? Or, maybe she feels that a blood relative gets more than a spouse. Who cares? It's her money. Just say thanks. Geez.

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

Be thankful for what you get, you don't have to be given a gift.



__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Geez.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Carolyn: Unequal Gifts from Grandma


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard