DEAR ABBY: For the past 17 years, we have hosted parties at Christmas. Although years ago they started with 15 guests and light hors d’oeuvres, the list has grown to 82 guests and a full buffet dinner and bar. It costs several thousand dollars when you factor in the servers and bartender, and it requires months of planning.
Over the years we have had guests who attend our party, but we never see or hear from them during the year unless it’s to inquire about the party.
We don’t expect a tit for tat, but we are now at a point where we need to curtail costs. We feel used by these people, and would rather host a smaller gathering for people we consider better friends and acquaintances.
What I’m struggling with is how to respond when asked why they are no longer on the guest list. — USED PARTY HOST
DEAR USED PARTY HOST: If someone actually has the gall to ask that question, I think you should tell the truth and respond that, “We have had to cut costs, and this year we decided to entertain only people we see on a regular basis.”
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I've been invited to parties like that. Where I never see or hear from the host except for the party invitation. When I get that invitation, I'm thinking, I never have anything to do with these people, why are they inviting me?? I think a good number of the people cut either won't notice or won't care. For the rest, Abby's response is good.
I know it isn't the norm for everyone but why is one person hosting that big of a party without help?
Enlist some of these friends to help.
Servers? Potluck and buffet can cut costs tremendously.
Bar? That's probably over half the cost. Cut the choices down to 2 or 3 options.
Why are you inviting people you don't know? Just because you know someone who knows someone, doesn't mean you have to invite them.
Cut back to some finger foods, limit alcohol options, let people serve themselves, and stop inviting the whole town.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
They brought this on themselves. How did the list get so long?
Isn't the point in having a party is to have fun? When it's no longer fun, it's time to re-evaluate.
Isn't it a part of Christmas to get together with people you don't see all the time? It is for me. But I don't host lavish parties. Getting together for lunch is what I do.
We are not doing our extended family Christmas party this year.
So many have died, left the family, moved far away, and just have too much to do, we can't get together.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Is it just me or does abby's response seem a bit "you arent a part of the IN crowd"? Then again, I dont know how I would rephrase it.
I can see someone thinking that but seriously if you don't have a relationship with someone outside their annual party, why would you be upset? Even neighbors you see often, but someone you don't see all year or call or correspond with?
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
We used to socialize with the "Smiths." We would invite them to dinner and parties and heard when they had parties we weren't invited. The first couple of times the Smiths said it was an oversight, then people would ask us if we were going and when we asked the host they said there was no party and who told us. It hurt that we weren't good enough to invite over. So we stopped inviting them, but that didn't stop them from asking if they were invited if they heard about a dinner we were hosting. We played dumb as well.
Do people really ask if they are invited or why they are not?
That's just tacky.
If I have a party, I invite who I want to see.
If one of my guests have a party and doesn't invite me, I'm not going to ask why.
No. I don't understand the "but what about me" attitude.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
We used to socialize with the "Smiths." We would invite them to dinner and parties and heard when they had parties we weren't invited. The first couple of times the Smiths said it was an oversight, then people would ask us if we were going and when we asked the host they said there was no party and who told us. It hurt that we weren't good enough to invite over. So we stopped inviting them, but that didn't stop them from asking if they were invited if they heard about a dinner we were hosting. We played dumb as well.
Wow. They have nerve.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
