TOTALLY GEEKED!

I get a little irked when in a business setting the first questions are are you married and do you have kids. In a social setting, I get it, those are normal questions. But at a business networking event, ask me about my job, ask me about my degree. Heck, my receptionist worked for me for two days before I even knew she had kids, because her reproduction has nothing to do with her ability to do her job.

It also seems that 95% of the time, it's a woman who's asking these questions (specifically women who have kids).

Tignanello wrote:

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Or older women. Doing the whole 'granny' bit or whose generational beliefs taught them that women were designed to bear children.

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 I seem to get it more from women my own age, but that could be because the granny types aren't going to networking events lol and I have found women my age much more judgemental about my not having kids.

Divine Geek wrote:

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Tignanello wrote:

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Or older women. Doing the whole 'granny' bit or whose generational beliefs taught them that women were designed to bear children.

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 I seem to get it more from women my own age, but that could be because the granny types aren't going to networking events lol and I have found women my age much more judgemental about my not having kids.

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 Women are judgmental whether you have kids or not.  Breast feeding versus bottle feeding.  Working vs being a SAHM.  Private school versus public school.  ANd, on and on and on and on.

I think "do you have kids" is just making small talk. Or getting to know you and see if you have anything in common with them. Like looking for a topic of conversation. I don't find it intrusive at all.

When I was in my 30's and single, there were nights I'd cry myself to sleep. I never really understood why. I just figured my tear ducts needed a good rinsing out. When I was 39 I decided I was going to look for someone to impregnate me. I was unlucky in love a few times and figured I was better off without a mate, but wanted someone to pass on my genes. So I went off the pill. Then I met DH. After a couple months I knew I could not deceive this man by intentionally getting pregnant. So I went back on the pill. As things between us progressed, I confessed to DH my original intentions. He just smiled and said that would have been fine (if I had gotten pregnant). And I suspect he was flattered that he was the one I chose for procreation. Anyway, we both decided to wait and go off the pill until after our honeymoon. Little did we know we'd need a little help. LOL

Having children was always something I figured I'd do, but it was always "eventually." Maybe my nighttime tears were mourning an empty womb, I don't really know. After reading this blog I think maybe it was, because I just never was able to put a finger on it.

Personally, I was never a baby person. The youngest "baby" I ever held was 2 years old until my niece was born, then she was 5 weeks before I met her. Other than her, I never really liked children all that much. I wasn't and still don't think of myself as being particularly maternal. It took me a little while to really bond with the boys. Or at least feel a deep connection with them. I knew they were my responsibility and I did everything humanly possible to make sure they were safe, fed, and comfortable. I was protective of them from birth, but I never "ached" to hold them. I did (hold them), because babies need it. But I also let them sleep mostly, especially during the day. I felt guilty about that, too. (About not having this great urge to "play" or "snuggle" with my newborn). I must have done something right, however, because they adore me and are very affectionate with me, except in public. LOL

Oh yes, the why not is indeed nosy.

For me, the "do you have kids" question isn't something I think about so it strikes me as weird. When I'm meeting someone for the first time, I stick to questions like "how are you today?" or "enjoying the weather?" (if it's not the typical AZ sunny). If the person is bound to be someone I will be interacting with regularly, I'll ask for their name and apologize that it may take me a couple times of hearing to actually remember it. I only ask about a person's womb or marital status if they've either asked me first or I have a specific reason (such as SS) but those kinds of things I usually come to know by listening to the person talk.

I totally agree with this. I recently meet up with a couple of girlfriends from high school who both had kids at around 15/16. They kept asking me why I didn't have kids and going on about how I should and it's so fulfilling and blah blah blah.

I couldn't help but wonder who they were trying to convince, me or themselves as they toted around car seats and scolded their older ones.
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this has pretty much been my lady's experience--her usual response to the " why don't y'all have kids? " question is " We're careful. "

When mine were little, I was amazed at how much time I wasted before having them.

Now, I'm finding a lot of time I need to fill again.

I'm a horrible person. I do NOT miss my kids one bit. I'm glad they are out of the house.

Cheerios4606 wrote:

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burns07 wrote:

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I totally agree with this. I recently meet up with a couple of girlfriends from high school who both had kids at around 15/16. They kept asking me why I didn't have kids and going on about how I should and it's so fulfilling and blah blah blah.

I couldn't help but wonder who they were trying to convince, me or themselves as they toted around car seats and scolded their older ones.
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this has pretty much been my lady's experience--her usual response to the " why don't y'all have kids? " question is " We're careful. "

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 omg!

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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It's also about life stages.

In my teens it was "who you dating" or "do you have a car or curfew".

My 20s, it was "are you married, are you getting married, or do you want/have kids".

30s it was "how long have you been married, or how old are your kids".

40s it's "are your kids still in school, what are do you do in your free time, do you have grandkids".

All of Caitlyn's friends are in the marrying time of life.

So she gets asked a lot if she is seeing someone.

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 I agree with this.  It is about making small talk and small talk really is about your life at the moment and those around you.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I'm a horrible person. I do NOT miss my kids one bit. I'm glad they are out of the house.

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   I was the same with DS, and then DD came along... I was like WTF?

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 Our first two kids received a set of luggage for graduation.

I packed them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(yes, the luggage was from me)

just Czech wrote:

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Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly.

I just love them more when they don't live with me.

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  I couldn't agree more. I never had that whole "empty nest" syndrome. Once he left home, life continued. About three days into my solitude, I came home from work, realized he wasn't there and within a minute did a fist pump and said, "Yes, what can I get into now?" lol I love my kid but it was nice to have the house to myself again. 

When I left for college my mom got a dog. That's right, I was replaced by a beagle.

My parents got me luggage for graduation too. The difference was that I peaced-out by choice.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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LOL. And I bet she spoiled the dog more than you.

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 Yep. Sure did. And that dog knew it. He'd look at me like, haha human

Domestic Engineer wrote:

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Sometimes I wonder what life would be like as empty nesters. Then I remember that God knew the parents DS needed and count my blessings.

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