DEAR ABBY: I read your column all the time. My husband and I have been married for 35 years. My husband has good friends who are women, and I have never objected when he stayed with them when he traveled from our home to Michigan.
One of the women he stays with called and they talked for hours. That's not right is it? My husband says she's just a good friend and it's only conversation.
Like I said, I didn't mind him staying with her because I trusted him. But now I'm leery and suspicious. I don't believe it's a sexual thing, but a long conversation hurts me more because I thought I was his best friend.
I told him, "Let's get counseling. If it doesn't work, we can divorce." He said, "You're not going to stop me from talking to my friends."
Abby, I need your opinion. -- LEERY IN FLORIDA
DEAR LEERY: Whatever is going on, you and your husband are having a communication problem. Instead of raising the subject of divorce with him, it may be time for you to get marriage counseling, alone if he won't go with you.
Your husband should be able to talk to his friends -- male and female -- if he wishes. For you to tell him otherwise makes you look more like his jailer than his wife. Some mediation may help you feel less threatened and help you both to get back on the same page.
Um no. He can stay at a hotel when he goes home. And hours long conversation is inappropriate.
If he is willing to lose his wife to talk endlessly to someone that's just a friend then he deserves whatever happens and she's better off without him.
Eh, GG has a good friend from a diabetic study. She calls everyday. They do the crossword in the paper together. She's very nice, married. I never gave it a second thought.
Yes, a little late to look into this. I noticed everything is in the plural form, so the guy evidently has more than one woman friend he stays with. Definitely not appropriate. Get a hotel....
I don't think there's enough information in this letter to jump to any conclusions. Contrary to popular belief, men and women can be "just friends". Just because the plumbing is different doesn't mean that it must be used.
Also is he foregoing conversing with his wife, in order to facilitate conversations with this woman friend? Or is he having conversations with the woman friend because his wife isn't talking to him?
I would have a problem with my partner prioritizing a friend - any friend - over my needs. Who cares if he stays in a hotel - that doesn't mean he's not meeting these friends, it just means that he'd spending money.
She needs to have a real conversation with him about his concerns; and find out what his reaction is. He needs to be able to listen and give her needs value. If not, see ya!
