TOTALLY GEEKED!

There was one restaurant she wanted to go to. What would have been so hard about that? And organizing a dinner "at her house"?? Wow. Mom probably though, no i dont' want to have to clean, prepare my house, blah, blah for the dinner. She just wanted to go out and eat. What a brat.

For some reason, this letter reminds me of my mother & her "birthday issues."

I would ask her what she wanted for her birthday...every year.

Her answer: "I'm not having a birthday this year."

What I longed to say (but never did): "Mom, I love you, but the fact is that you have 2 choices: get older...or..."

flan

I can't imagine forcing my mother to do anything she didn't want to do for her own Birthday. I will (and have) gone out of my way to make sure her day is exactly what she wants.

flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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She asked to go to a restaurant, not to take a 3 week trip to Ireland. Sheesh.

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 We ALL understand that, tyvm.

flan

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 What is WRONG with you?  First, this isn't about YOU and your mother issues, and just because she posted after you doesn't mean she was talking directly to you.  

 

We all have the right to post our opinions, tyvm.  Stop being a troll.

Oh goody. Another thread that will be turned into "it's all about flan".

My MIL used to ask her children to throw her a party every 5 years. I was expected to design, purchase and send out engraved invitations, and it was held at SIL's house. I was very early in my pregnancy, still receiving twice daily intramuscular shots in the bottom, which had to be administered at certain times. But I fulfilled my duties, traveled the 3 hours to attend, even though I was nervous about being exposed to SIL's cat fecal matter which could induce a miscarriage. (DH was nervous, too, but we did not say anything to his family about it). But I endured with a smile on my face and although I was exhausted from everything, made the best of it and enjoyed myself, while MIL made fun of me in front her all her friends because of my blossoming size and inability to stand for long periods of time. DH commented later in private that I had become the proverbial donkey on which MIL and her cronies pinned the tail.

Fast forward 5 years later and both her children refused to throw her any more parties. They had had enough, apparently. I remained silent on the matter.

My point: We don't know what demands this mother put on her children throughout the years. On the surface, it does appear that honoring her wishes would be simple and best. It seems it would be easier on mother than having to host her own birthday party, and easier on the children because they would not have to worry about food, serving, clean-up, etc. Then again, was this "restaurant of her choice," too costly for her children to foot the bill? I agree that LW sounds like a controlling spoiled brat, but perhaps this trait was inherited.

Why thank you!

Me, too. She agreed to it then a week before wants to change plans. She has a history of depression and refuses to get help. Then she tells her children of her plans to get her own cake and go to the restaurant with a friend, but continues to complain that she didn't spend it the way she wanted? It sounds like she did spend it the way she wanted, in a restaurant with her friend, sans her children and newborn grandbaby. I'm not sure why she is complaining about a decision she made.

This is one of the reasons G and I just don't do birthdays and Hallmark Holidays. It's just ridiculous...

DH and I go out to eat for our birthdays.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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Tangerine wrote:

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I feel that I read this dear Carolyn a year or more ago?
There' s probably way more to this. But the kids could have taken mom to the restaurant for her birthday. Ime newborns are super easy to tote around to restaurants, etc.

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 But:

 one has a newborn and isn’t taking her out in public yet (germs). 

flan

 

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 I get it. But a restaurant is pretty low risk for germs. The baby just sleeps in the carrier and no one touches it. 

We go out to eat on birthdays as well. My mom likes to cook a meal for me on mine, so we'll do that. Last year we decided to go to Trump Hotel for lunch instead.

Some parents insist that anyone who will come into contact with their newborn receive whooping cough shots first. Some are more "old school", and will schlep their newborn anywhere/everywhere. I schlepped mine to the extent it wasn't more work than enjoyment, having nothing to do with germs. Nothing kills the joy of going out more than spending every minute out feeding, changing, etc., two with acid reflux.

Perhaps the restaurant of mom's choosing was a quiet, formal dining experience where every little sniffle echoed throughout, making it a place where newborns were not welcomed? Who knows, but there is definitely more to the story than meets the eye, IMO.

Mom DID go out with her friend.

Then she tried putting a guilt trip on her kids.

flan

Ohfour wrote:

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Her kids should have done what SHE wanted on HER birthday.

Entitled brats.

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 I'm guessing the apple didn't fall far from the tree, though.

flan

I don't care. This was admittedly a special birthday for mom. They should have done what she wanted, not plan a party at HER house.

To be fair to the LW, she is long distance and did the best she could to plan something special. Mom agreed to have it at her house, then balked a week before the event. I'm not sure why the other children couldn't have had it their house, except maybe the one with the newborn, it might have been too overwhelming for her as a new mother. I am not sure what was wrong with the other children planning something, and why LW had to do it.

FNW wrote:

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To be fair to the LW, she is long distance and did the best she could to plan something special. Mom agreed to have it at her house, then balked a week before the event. I'm not sure why the other children couldn't have had it their house, except maybe the one with the newborn, it might have been too overwhelming for her as a new mother. I am not sure what was wrong with the other children planning something, and why LW had to do it.

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There have been times when I have been so shocked at a suggestion, that I just go with it.  And then after thinking about it, and knowing that, NO, I do NOT want that, I go back and say what I should have in the first place.

This would definitely have been one of those times if my kids had pulled this crap. I would have been too shocked to respond correctly.

They should have asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday in the first place. I know they meant well but unless they come over and clean her house, buy and cook the meal and do all the clean up themselves it wouldn't be much about her. Maybe she knows she will be doing the most work.

I think the kids were out of line.

I planned a surprise party for my parents 25th anniversary, they went out to eat and when they came back the yard was full of cars.

They both came in thinking someone had died.

To me, it sounds like the kids all had a lot going on in their own lives and forgot until it was too late to do a big to-do.

But then there is this

A week before, my mom told me she had wanted for a year to go to a specific restaurant for this birthday. I explained the challenge with the newborn and that was the end of the discussion.

I think the mom HAD been telling them for a year and they just were not listening. 

A high up milestone birthday; lived longer than her parents. I would like to know just what birthday this way as far as age. 80? 70? She probably feels she has earned the right to celebrate her birthday at a restaurant that she mentioned a year ago. Why not do it? What is all the problem with going with her wishes. To sound nasty, she may not be around much longer so give her what she wants. Depending on how old she is, people can tend to get a bit childish as the years roll by. Humor her.

Momala wrote:

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Karl, the way I read the OP was that Mom told the LW
a week before her birthday that she wanted to go to a
specific restaurant, not a year before.

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 She told her that she had been wanting to go there for a year. If my mother told me that I would have changed the plans.

Momala wrote:

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Karl, the way I read the OP was that Mom told the LW
a week before her birthday that she wanted to go to a
specific restaurant, not a year before.

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 OK.  Checked it again and see that she had wanted to go to that restaurant for a year but only mentioned it a week before.   If she had wanted to go for a year I am wondering why that was not communicated to her kids or did they forget her comment if she made one.  

Still think they should have taken her.  If the newborn's mother is afraid of germs, etc. I would think the newborn could have stayed home with a sitter or relative from the other side of the family or something....