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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Carolyn - my mother is being unreasonable because we wouldn't do what she wanted on her birthday.


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Dear Carolyn - my mother is being unreasonable because we wouldn't do what she wanted on her birthday.
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Perhaps the Mother did mention the restaurant prior to the week before. Perhaps the kids, being bratty and controlling, bullied her at the initial mentioning so that the Mother caved and agreed to have it at her house, against her wishes. Perhaps the Mother's desire to go to the restaurant was so strong that she mentioned it several times during the year but the kids wouldn't agree. So, she mentions it one last time a week before and when the kids refuse, the Mother says she's going anyway. I mean really, this was a milestone birthday and admitted to by the writer. On top of that, the Mother felt it to be even more special because she'd lived longer than her own parents. No matter what the circumstances surrounding this incident, the kids were definitely wrong in this one; not the Mom.

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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I highly doubt the first time Mom mentioned the restaurant was a week ago, it's probably just thee first time the OP listened.

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LawyerLady

 

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So to make up for NOT planning anything last year for my 50th bd party, hubby and niece is planning a party this year. I have my doubts about how it is going to go down, and I am already kinda icked out at his idea of doing a pig roast. But I certainly am not going to stop him from trying to make up for flubbing last year.

I will do my best to grin and enjoy it regardless if it is a flop or success.

:)

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I think the kids are more clueless then being bratty. I think they got so caught up in what they thought was a good idea that they didn't listen to what she wanted.

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As to the restaurant: If the mom had her heart set on a specific restaurant, she should've made that known and not just a week prior to her birthday. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. If she did and the kids didn't listen to her, that's on them. If she didn't, that's on her. Depending on the restaurant, the kids might not have it in their budgets to go to the restaurant.

As to the kids doing what they wanted, regardless of mom's wishes: I have two relatives that do this. I have an aunt who buys what she would like in hopes you'll open it, not like it, and give it to her. I would fawn over the gift and send it elsewhere. Her favorite thing to do was to give me coloring books with those big crayons designed for young kids. I'd keep the coloring book and give the crayons to my parents for their Sunday school class. FIL will only buy you what you want if he deems it worthy of spending money on. I use this my advantage, actually. He and I share some common interests so when he asks what I want, I tell him some things that align with said interests that I have my eye on. So, I feel the mom on this point. But, I'd approach it differently. I'd say something like: The dinner you have planned sounds awesome and I'm excited to see what dishes y'all make. Since this is a milestone birthday, I have a special restaurant at which I'd love to celebrate my birthday with my kids. Let's do the dinner and on (date) I'd love to have y'all join me at the restaurant.

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FNW


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Yeah, I don't understand why they couldn't do both. And why, after doing what she wanted, she's pouting to her children about it.

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FNW wrote:

Yeah, I don't understand why they couldn't do both. And why, after doing what she wanted, she's pouting to her children about it.


 Guilt trip, I'm guessing.

She said "Jump," and they didn't ask "How high?"

flan



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FNW


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I am curious as to why mom didn't ask her children if they wanted to join her at said restaurant.

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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FNW wrote:

I am curious as to why mom didn't ask her children if they wanted to join her at said restaurant.


 Because when sure told them she wanted too go to a restaurant, they said no and that was the "end of the discussion".



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LawyerLady

 

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Itty bitty's Grammy

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But was that because the mother didn't pursue the matter?

flan

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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I think telling your kid straight put that you have wanted to go to a restaurant for your birthday for a year and do not want to have your birthday dinner at your own house should have been clear enough. What else does she have to say? Her kids were not receptive.

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And who TELLS someone, ANYONE, that they are throwing them a dinner at their own house? Could there be anything ruder?

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Itty bitty's Grammy

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Ohfour wrote:

And who TELLS someone, ANYONE, that they are throwing them a dinner at their own house? Could there be anything ruder?


 Yes...but if I tell you, I'll have to kill you!

evileye

flan



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flan327 wrote:

But was that because the mother didn't pursue the matter?

flan


 Other than making the request, what else was mom supposed to do?  Book the restaurant?  If it was my mom, i most certainly would have taken her out to that restaurant, even if she told me that 15 min in advance.  I didn't know that going out to eat was some Herculean effort.



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