DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost five years, and my husband and I recently decided to try to have a baby. I am really excited about the possibility of being a mom. My problem is, my parents and his parents don't want to be grandparents.
I will be 30 this year, and they keep telling me I should wait until I'm 40 to have kids. I have endometriosis, and I know if I wait too long it will be even harder to get pregnant.
On top of all the pressure our families are putting me under, I just found out my sister has been married almost a year and hasn't told anyone. I don't want to disappoint our families or force something on them they are not ready for. I'm not sure what to do now. I want my husband and me to be happy. Any advice would be appreciated. -- STRESSED OUT IN OHIO
DEAR STRESSED: I know you want to be a good daughter, but you are allowing your parents (and in-laws) to weigh in on a decision that should be yours and your husband's alone. Your reason for not wanting to postpone motherhood makes sense.
Understand that not everyone wants to be a grandparent and be glad you're finding out upfront that the parents will not be baby-sitting. Many disappointed readers have written me after the fact to express their dismay when they realized it. Take from this the lesson that you must live your own life.
And, by the way, so should your sister. If there are consequences from her elopement, she should experience them. But under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be dragged into her drama.
The parents have taken the joy out of it. I get that. My in-laws never wanted to be grandparents either. It changed the dynamics of DH's relationship with them.
I do agree she needs to move on and live her life with her husband. The fact that she is still trying to be a good daughter instead of a good wife bothers me.
I agree FNW. Her vows are with her husband. Not with her negative parents.
My Dad was very negative. I think he would have been negative about my marriage if he were alive. Controlling people use negativity to keep their kids seeking they're approval.
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 23rd of May 2017 01:45:25 PM
