Dear Carolyn: My daughter and son-in-law live an hour from us and we meet once a month or so at a midpoint restaurant for dinner. I always enjoyed this time and thought it was a nice custom.
Recently, I caught my son-in-law talking to our waiter, giving him an extra tip and saying something about how sorry he was for the table. The next day, I called my daughter to see what that was all about, because my husband and I have very hurt feelings over the exchange.
She told me she doesn’t think my husband and I realize it, but our restaurant habits are not very thoughtful. I demanded specifics, and she told me that we split an entree and order water only, so the bill is really low. She also said we are demanding of the staff, which is especially bad because we aren’t giving the establishment much money to make up for it.
I am insulted by this. I don’t see how splitting an entree is rude. I also don’t see why I shouldn’t do what I want — that’s the entire point of a restaurant, to serve its customers. The customer is always right.
She also told me 20% is a standard tip. My husband and I tip 10% for normal service, 15% for good, maybe 20% if they washed our car while we were eating or something.
My daughter said she is sorry I overheard the exchange, but they didn’t know what else to do.
My husband and I don’t feel like we are dining incorrectly and that it’s rude for my daughter and son-in-law to correct our behavior behind our backs. I don’t want to meet up for dinner with them anymore, and I can’t get over my bad feelings about all of this. Where do we go from here? — Bad Restaurant Guest?
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Dear Bad: You are bad restaurant guests. I’m sorry to have to re-deliver an unwelcome message. So, where do you go from here? You act like grown-ups and push through the awkwardness, go back to your once-a-month dinners, order as you see fit but leave a 20% tip for a skilled, friendly server. The wait staff makes next to nothing per hour and so their livelihood is in tips, and 10% is decades outdated.
And, always be mindful of the price point and service level of a restaurant before making demands of the staff. You can send back an order that was botched at any level, from Mickey D’s on up, but you don’t fuss over the garnish on a $7.99 entree.
And I suggest that, instead of harrumphing over this couple’s “rudeness,” you take a moment to appreciate their sensitivity both to the staff and to your feelings.
Please also give a hard think to the fact that you’re reacting so defensively. You just received kind, honest, constructive criticism from a daughter who lovingly spends time with you. Instead of looking inward, you’re looking to cut her off. Is that really the best you can do?
I agree with Carolyn. While I don't find splitting an entree and only drinking water to be rude, I do find the amount of tip paid is wrong. I would be embarrassed too.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Well, does it really matter who is "right"? Your adult kids are embarrassed. Whether they should be or not, isn't really the issue. If you want to dine with them then maybe think about it a bit. Tip better and order your own entrees. It seems to be a big deal to them so who cares?
However, we order water all the time. We don't want soda pop. And, at times i just want a light meal so i don't see a problem splitting it. We PAID for the meal in full so what is the problem? 10% is cheap for a tip. I usually tip 20% just because that's what i do. If i don't care for the service so much then i might drop the % down. But, usually i just don't want to be bothered so i just leave 15 to 20%. I dont' tip less than that. If there was some reason the service was so bad that i wanted to tip less, i would probably go tell the manager what my issues were. On the other hand, if i have outstanding service, i also go seek out the manager and compliment them on their staff.
We a friend couple who are very poor tippers. So, we don't eat out that much together. If we do , we get separate checks. They are adults so they can tip whatever they want. We tip well on our portion. Often times i make up for what they don't tip,
We a friend couple who are very poor tippers. So, we don't eat out that much together. If we do , we get separate checks. They are adults so they can tip whatever they want. We tip well on our portion. Often times i make up for what they don't tip,
In this case I would ask for separate checks.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
My father is a low tipper. 15% for him is outstanding service. So we usually treat. If it's a place where we frequent and he pays, the staff is still courteous and kind because they know we'll be back without them. It's a little embarrassing, but what can you do. It certainly isn't worth waging a family war or even avoiding going out with them. They're old and on a fixed income. Some day they won't be around to embarrass me, and I'll miss it.
My grandpa was a horrible tipper. But it was just because of his age, not that he was mean or stingy. He truly thought a dollar was an adequate tip. I would always "forget" something at the table and go back and leave more.
we all did this. One time a waitress got a really great tip. My cousin had slipped some money under a plate before leaving the table. Not knowing this, I circled back and left a tip too. We made someone's day lol
-- Edited by Divine Geek on Saturday 27th of May 2017 12:27:35 PM
DH is still stuck on 15 percent, so every time we go out to eat I have to correct him. For some reason twenty percent really nettles him but he'll do it :p
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I think wait staff should be paid a full wage and tipping done away with.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I usually slip the waitstaff some cash when we eat out with my folks. Dad is very demanding and never tips more than 10%. He also always insists on picking up the check.
It's not worth discussing with him, he can't/won't change his behavior.
I just try not to go to restaurants with him and put in a tip myself.
They don't tip in England. Can't figure out why we do. In France, servers treat their job as a profession. Not sure whether the French tip, but I did. They were fantastic. In Japan, I tipped. Not sure what the culture does, but I figured it was best to err on the side of caution.
They don't tip in England. Can't figure out why we do. In France, servers treat their job as a profession. Not sure whether the French tip, but I did. They were fantastic. In Japan, I tipped. Not sure what the culture does, but I figured it was best to err on the side of caution.
Europeans LOVE us ignorant Americans. Do you know in most countries the tip is already added into the bill? Americans are usually aware of this and so tip on top of the whole bill.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
They don't tip in England. Can't figure out why we do. In France, servers treat their job as a profession. Not sure whether the French tip, but I did. They were fantastic. In Japan, I tipped. Not sure what the culture does, but I figured it was best to err on the side of caution.
In Japan a service charge is usually included in the bill. Seldom see anyone tipping.
My niece works for a somewhat hoity toity restaurant close by. Average entre for tacos is around $15 bucks. She received white staff training, as in... she could go to an upper class restaurant and serve as a result. Still, the tips she gives has to be split with the rest of the staff including bus boys, bartender, other servers AND the company. Seems like they are gouging her big time, but hey, it is good experience and training for her AND they are now training her for bartending.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I neither like splitting tips (part time during college, etc. at a restaurant) nor the automatic service charge (which only insures there will be no service. Tip the server for the server's service. If you think the preparation of the meal was outstanding, tip the cook. (I have done this a couple of times)
If I were with these people I would ask for separate checks, tip what I want to. i have experienced too many people seeing what I tipped and commenting "oh then I don't have to tip as much" No buddy you do not get to jump on my tip giving. Cheapskates abound.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
