DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy, "Dustin," for 10 years. We lived together for two years and broke up, but then we got back together. Dustin lives with his mother and always has, except for two marriages that lasted eight years each.
I don't understand why he always goes home to his mother. When he stays the night with me, he has to go "check on her" the next morning. He stays at her house Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The rest of the time he's here with me, but before he goes to work, he has to go check on her.
Abby, there is nothing wrong with her. She drives, gardens, cooks and is very much on the go. Can you help me understand this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN TEXAS
DEAR COMING IN SECOND: I'll try. Dustin may feel the need to stop by to see if his mother is well, to change clothes before heading to work, or because he has always done it, and old habits die hard. He may also like the way his mom fixes breakfast.
If they have been dating 10 years, and he was married twice, for eight years each, how old are they? Or was she the "other woman" all the while he married someone not her?
Time for her to move on and find someone who is better suited. And not because he checks on his mother, but because after 10 years and no commitment, this guy isn't the one.
I'm not going to judge him for checking on his mother. However, I don't think he's much of a keeper. I might date a guy that has been divorced once, but probably not twice.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If I had to do over again knowing what I know now, it is quite possible I would pause big time due to the monster in law. Which is a shame, cuz my hubby is the most wonderful man in the world and I am still madly in love with him. His mother on the other hand was hell while she was living. Heck even to this day, 18 years after she died. Why? cuz she committed suicide on a day she thought was our son's (her grandson's) birthday. I keep trying to help him forgive her, but it was the ultimate FU to the both of us and he just cant get over it.
We did get a long, but I suspect it was fake. When she became ill, I was treated like a stranger...or obstacle to access to my DH. DH says she was losing her mind, and SIL says the same thing, but it was very hurtful.
I did a test.....I posted a pic of me and the boys on the Mall in DC on FB and said about it being Mommy's day out with the boys (DH was golfing in a tournament), but DH was bombarded by phone calls both from his father and his mother, asking how he was doing, etc. They jumped to the conclusion that we were separated and were excited.
I miss the woman she was before I had children. I was treated differently once the boys came. I don't know whether it was her declining health, or not, but the dynamics changed.
