TOTALLY GEEKED!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

The drug talk

Divine Geek · Guru

I really have no advice. Just hugs hun.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

It's definitely time for that type of discussion.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

It is a tough spot to be in. He isn't your son but you are involved in his life. I think your DH is being a bit of an ostrich with it's head in the sand. I think you should approach him again about the topic but not accusing him or making him feel like a bad parent, I believe you can get a wifi router that you can set with parental controls. That would help with what videos DSS can watch.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You are in difficult position. However, it is his son and that really isn't within your control. However, you could be proactive in other ways. If he is spending time with you are there things you can do together to get him off of youtube? Could he help you cook in the kitchen , play some board games, etc? What about that Warhammer game, etc? Could you go kayaking, take a cake decorating class together and so forth?
Honestly a "talk" about drugs probably isn't going to help him. Talk, talk, talk really doesn't do a lot for kids. It sounds more like he is languishing in front of an electronic babysitter and his dad and bio mother need to step it up a bit.
As for you, you can try to be a good friend and introduce him to a world outside of electronics.

FNW · Guru

I think LGS's ideas are very good.

My boys are into youtubers these days. They watch the ones where these guys play video games, picking up tips for their own usage, etc. They are age appropriate, however. No way in hell they would be watching videos on how to make meth, I don't care if they are 30. Not going to happen. I simply turn it off and say, sorry, not appropriate, find something else.

I also limit their time both on their devices and watching you tube videos. They would do nothing else if they were allowed. It's an obsession. And if I have them do chores, fun things, homework, anything else, they tend to rush through so they can get on their devices. So, time limits must be set. "Sorry, you used up your allotted time, no more for rest of the day. Let's go swimming." Once they know they are not going to be able to play video games anymore that day, they are much more apt to do other things and not try to rush through so they can get back to gaming.

The boys have Kindles which have parental controls and curfews that I set, so the device can only be used during certain periods. I don't know if iPads or smart TVs have such a feature.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

There should be no delineation between parent and step parent. Parenting is just that . . . parenting. Is the child left alone in your care while his dad is off working? If so, then you have the right to set the boundaries and have a talk with your (step) son. Although I believe having that conversation with him should be both you and his dad together and include the mother if possible.

That said, it can't be just a talk. Like others have said, the best way to combat drug use and complacency is to get active with the kid(s). They're children and need guidance. Children are what they learn at home. A good foundation sets them up for life.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I'd have a conversation rather than a "talk". Ask him why he likes those youtube videos about drugs so much. Ask him if he knows what drugs can do to people. Ask him questions and turn it into a conversation. As part of the conversation, you can discuss addiction and how people who think they are just having fun lose control and can't stop. I don't think it has to be a one-time, sit down kind of talk - but rather, this is something he is doing, so show interest and that will open the door to discussion.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

From one step mother to another you really don't have any control. Don't beat yourself up about it. I had to let go of some things just for my own sanity.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Wait.

His father IS talking with him. You said so yourself.

"And today DH said he was asking him about marijuana and buying it in Washington."

They are talking to him, maybe not the way you think it should be done, but the very fact that he was comfortable enough to ask his dad about it, means they are doing whatever they are doing right.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Thank you guys for all the feedback. I definitely could do my part by taking a more active role in engaging him in activities.