TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby Moving in with BF. My Parents Havent' Met Him.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Stupid girl.

karl271 · Guru

She is 25 years old. What is to get so up tight about? They can make a trip to see the parents when everyone's schedule is OK.

I sure wish people would meet, commit to marriage and have a family like was common in the not-so-distant past. So tired of hearing about "relationships", whatever they are.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She's 25, that's not a girl.

But I do think they should make time for him to meet her parents.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

The LW doesn't give any indication as to how long they've been in a "relationship". I'd be curious to know. I have to wonder do the parents even know about him. hahaha Anyway, I think if the guy was serious about the relationship, making time to meet the parents would be a priority. If not, I'd be hesitant to make the move.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I would never uproot my life and move in with a boyfriend. Nope. If you arent' willing to lay down your life for me and put a ring on my finger, then that aint' happening. If he can't even be bothered to find a way to meet her parents then he's not much of a prize. That's the problem with so many women today , they make it easy for men not to marry them, then years later they wonder why he won't commit.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I wonder why he "cant drive at night". Sounds like a handy excuse. Surely he has some actual days off in there somewhere. If he even has a 2 day weekend, he could drive up one day, meet them, and drive home the next day. But, he really doesn't care about that so there ya go.

FNW · Guru

She might be 25, but it doesn't sound as though she's grown up yet. Or knows how to make good choices anyway. This is a bad one. And she knows it, or else she wouldn't be afraid to tell her parents.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If it was my daughter, i would tell her that is a very bad plan. He will never marry you. And, you are making a huge mistake to move in and I don't approve. However, it is your life and you may do as you please but dont expect any financial help from me whatsoever if that is your choice.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.

I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...

msrock · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.
I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...

I actually know quite a few. My daughter and her husband for one. None of my SIL's family lived together before they were married. And he's got a big family. lol!

Lindley · Guru

Both my dd and DS neither of them lived with their spouses before marriage.

FNW · Guru

I lived with DH for a few months before our wedding. My townhouse sold faster than imaginable, so I moved in. We planned for me to move in at least a month before the wedding so that I could get situated and do some decorating. The plan was to have the reception for friends in our home, so we needed time to paint, etc. But we were engaged with a date set and reservations made. DH knew I would not be uprooting and moving in with him without marriage.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I moved in with DH a couple months before the wedding as well so we could get situated before for the wedding.
Even though we had sleepovers before then and he was at my condo a lot , I refused to ever have my name on paperwork or share a legal residence until marriage.
I see so many young girls that relationship hop and move in with a guy....then the next guy....
I wish they could see how they're selling themselves short.
And give up my job and home to chase a guy out of state? Oh HELL to the NO!

-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 27th of June 2017 12:23:04 PM

-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 27th of June 2017 12:23:45 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I just find it unwise to set up your life with someone, comingling finances, etc that you are not married too. Doesn't sound like BF has proposed in this case.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

And, I am not a prude, I know most people are sleeping together. So, temp moving in right before the wedding that has already been planned and has a high likeliehood of happening is a bit different than just moving in and hoping he is going to become marriage material. I know plenty of women where the guy promised to get married "some time" a date is never set and it never happens.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
And, I am not a prude, I know most people are sleeping together. So, temp moving in right before the wedding that has already been planned and has a high likeliehood of happening is a bit different than just moving in and hoping he is going to become marriage material. I know plenty of women where the guy promised to get married "some time" a date is never set and it never happens.

Funny thing...almost every single one of the couples I mentioned have gotten married. And have kids. The ones that haven't gotten married are on their way there (Step DD and Step DS both live with their SOs and have wedding dates set). These are mostly my kids' friends...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I agree it's much more of a thing now. But, I caution women about enmeshing their lives with men who have no real intention to marry them.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I agree it's much more of a thing now. But, I caution women about enmeshing their lives with men who have no real intention to marry them.

Oh, absolutely.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I moved in with DH about a week before our wedding. He needed a place to store all his stuff and we were going to get married anyway.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Obviously she is not an adult yet.

1. She has not told her parents about the boyfriend.

2. He has NOT made the effort to meet her parents.

3. She is uprooting HER life for a man who has made no promises.

4. She's scared.

Yup, sounds like a real grown up.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I didn't meet my in-laws in person until the wedding. Its not that big of a deal.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, that's the thing, I would let my adult kid go to work out her own life. Maybe it will work out but maybe not. Just own it, that's all.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

I also took the time to talk to his parents pretty regularly over video chat to get to know them prior to the wedding. If distance really is an issue, their are ways to get around it.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Bonny22Pye wrote:
I didn't meet my in-laws in person until the wedding. Its not that big of a deal.

Well you didn't MEET them in person but you took the time to get to know them. So that is a different scenario from someone who has kept her relationship situation from her parents.

FNW · Guru

When you live long distance from your parents, it's difficult for your SO to develop a relationship parents. Some parents don't make the effort to go visit their long distance child, whether the reason is financial, time, or resentment that they moved away. Some children don't always travel "home" to visit their parents, because of time, expense, etc. I think not meeting the parents in those scenarios is not as disturbing as it is in this situation.

I am bothered by the "early on he felt it was too soon to meet the parents." While "I" was dating guys that I didn't feel the need to introduce to my parents, the guys always wanted to meet my parents. I had a couple guys get angry at me because I didn't arrange an introduction when my parents were visiting me, but oh well.

DH & I were only dating a couple months when my parents came out for a visit. I was going to spare him all that, but he really wanted to meet them. So I had him over for dinner. My parents loved him (I knew they would), and still do.

Whether or not I was ready for a boyfriend to meet my parents, I would be put off by a guy who didn't WANT to meet them.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

just Czech wrote:
Obviously she is not an adult yet.

1. She has not told her parents about the boyfriend.

2. He has NOT made the effort to meet her parents.

3. She is uprooting HER life for a man who has made no promises.

4. She's scared.

Yup, sounds like a real grown up.

This. LOL!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.
I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...

I know a LOT of people who did not live together before marriage.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.
I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...
I know a LOT of people who did not live together before marriage.

I do too, but none that are my kids' age...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.
I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...
I know a LOT of people who did not live together before marriage.
I do too, but none that are my kids' age...

That's sad. Not many of the younger kids I know at all would think of living together until after they are married.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I think the OP is not making a good choice. She hasn't even lived NEAR him, and she's planning on just moving in with him.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My advice to young ladies. Dont move in with boyfriends. It is disrespectful to YOU. It devalues you. It devalues your relationship. If a man isn't willing to give his all to you, then he isn't worthy of you. That's it.
I agree, but unfortunately, that's no longer the norm. I do not know of one married couple under 30 that did not live together before they got married. Not a single one...
I know a LOT of people who did not live together before marriage.
I do too, but none that are my kids' age...
That's sad. Not many of the younger kids I know at all would think of living together until after they are married.

Maybe it's a regional thing? It's commonplace to move in around here.