I just have (actually two) vents that I need to get off my chest regarding SS. Let me preface by saying that he's a really great kid, and I feel bad getting annoyed by him sometimes but I just can't help it!
Whenever we are in the car, he sings to the radio, loudly. But he sings way off key and he doesn't know all the words so he fills it in with gibberish. It's so annoying, every time he starts up I just want to slam my head into the window. DH doesn't seem to mind so I don't say anything.
My second one is whenever we are walking, in a store or down the sidewalk for example, he is constantly cutting me off. He will slowly veer in front of me until my feet hit his feet and I almost trip. I know he's not doing it on purpose but I've pointed it out so many times that one of these days he's going to get my tennis shoes right in the butt.
One time a long time ago I talked sternly to him about something and he threw a HUGE fit, sobbing and calling his mom to tell on me. Then she screamed at DH that I must be more important to him than their son and all that. It was really ugly. So now I'm afraid to speak up about any little thing.
I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone in that kids can be annoying sometimes, because I feel like a bad stepmom even though I do love him and take care of him.
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DD cut me off all the time this past week wandering around Nashville and other tourist areas. I finally told her she was being inconsiderate by not paying attention to where she was walking. She gave me that pouty preteen crap that I was yelling at her (I wasn't) for no good reason. I told her that just because cutting me off or stepping on my feet was unintentional that it was still rude because she was not paying attention to her proximity to other people. She has a good singing voice, so yeah,
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
For the singing, what would happen if you loudly joined in? Or brought home a karaoke machine and belted some songs out? Might be something he enjoys.
As for cutting you off, boys are pretty klutzy sometimes so not sure that is really intentional.
I will validate you that kids are annoying. We still love and adore them, but yea. DD doesn't sing in the car, but she always wants to chat. When I am in the car I like to listen to music or just kinda think- and she will talk non-stop. It drives me crazy, but at the same time I realize how great it is that she wants to visit with me, so then I get mad at myself.
The walking thing- I GET THIS COMPLETELY! DD does this all the time. Plus when I am pushing stroller and we get to any point that both of us can't fit through, she does not get that she either needs to move in front of me or behind me and will just try to squeeze through next to me leaving neither of us with room. I am constantly reminding her to be aware of movements.
Kids can be super annoying. We joke that we can always tell when Bunny is asleep, because that is the only time he is not talking.
Definitely try singing along with him. If he doesn't like it, he might get a clue that not everyone enjoys his singing all the time. If he does like it, then you have a fun activity you can do together.
Good luck.
IVY Vette. There are days I want to strangle my SS even though I love him to death.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
Trip him next time he does it. The law of natural consequences is a great teacher.
As for the singing, that would drive me bonkers! Jojo does it and I tell her if she doesn't know the words to be quiet and learn them, but I guess you don't have that luxury.
Kids are annoying.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I get the 'she's so mean, mommy!' bit too. I wonder what his response would be if you let him know that you are talking to him like just another person. Like 'if you did this to someone else they might trip you - it's important to look out for people when you walk'. 'I wonder what your friends would think if you did that to them / how it would feel if one of your friends treated you like that?' Then it's just conversation!
Kids are kids. It's tough sometimes to teach them the lessons they need . . . particularly in your situation when the Stepparent seems to have more respect and desire to teach a youngster than his / her own parents do. My first thought was to walk in front of him occasionally cutting him off. LL's right though, sometimes the best way to learn the lesson is to learn it the hard way by having it done to them.
My DS was this way when he was younger. Sometimes still is. And I confess, I don't always walk straight when were all out walking together. What really drives me crazy is that I'm more conscious of it and am continually switching places so I don't trip or step on someone. And whatever happened to "ladies first" or "respect for elders so they go first"? When I'm out and about with DS, DIL and grands and we approach a narrow walkway, I'm the one who moves over and waits until everyone else walks through. lol It's frustrating to me because DS was taught better and wasn't until he met DIL that things went awry. UGH!
As for the singing, DS did that when he was younger. I would initially laugh at him for singing and with the wrong words. Then, I'd give him the correct words. But, he'd never remember. So, I'd laugh some more. Eventually, he got the words right and I put up with his singing. Didn't matter to me if he was off key. He was having fun and expressing himself, which I never wanted to quash.
DGD was great for singing, just like her dad, but her voice is much better. Though, she did get the words wrong and still does sometimes. She's learning though. She also drives me crazy when she's here because there truly is NOT.A.MOMENTS.PEACE! She gabs and gabs and gabs! If there's silence, she filling it. lol Sometimes I just want to scream "SHUT UP!" But, I'm just glad she's talking and confiding in me.
When my oldest son was little he was really active and annoying. And, I was exasperated. But, finally, I just realized that I have to accept him for who he is and just work with that and not be annoyed by every little thing. Yes, it was process of years. And, he was in trouble at school at times and so forth learning how to reign in it. It took a long time and part of that was me stepping back and allowing him to suffer the natural consequences of his actions one way or the other. So I didnt' rescue him.
For other behaviors, I just made the best of, like the singing with your SS. That could actually become your "thing" together, singing in the car. Or, he will get annoyed when you sing and you will "ruin" it for him and then instead of singing he may actually sit and sulk, but either way, that helps remedy that, lol.
Can you (temporarily) change the radio
station? Give him something he doesn't
know for a while, then go back to what
you like?
As for walking in front/into you, a few
good scrapes to the back of the heels
will do wonders for his awareness of
where he is in proximity to others.
As for "telling" on you, all step kids
do this, trying to play one parent
against another. Don't fall for it.
His birth mother HAD him - you, on
the other hand CHOSE him.
And Tig's suggestion to have his
vision and hearing tested is a good
one.
I cured our kids of the annoying singing very easily. I would break out in song first. Loudly and very off key. I would throw in a few really bad dance steps too.
My kids, to this day, scream "stop singing" at me. I'm not sure why at their age. Might be because I fart during the dance moves.
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Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
My second one is whenever we are walking, in a store or down the sidewalk for example, he is constantly cutting me off. He will slowly veer in front of me until my feet hit his feet and I almost trip. I know he's not doing it on purpose but I've pointed it out so many times that one of these days he's going to get my tennis shoes right in the butt....
This is the easiest to fix cuz I speak from experience. Next time he does it, walk purposefully into his feet and outlandishly kick his heels. When it startles him, say "oops sorry." He will learn to not walk in front of you.