TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Twins on the Way, No Ring from BF

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

OMG these women are so stupid!!

Domestic Engineer · Guru

It's not the engagement ring that's three years too late.

Lindley · Guru

Why would people who don't want to commit to each other go ahead and have children together? I get the oops I'm pregnant but to keep having kids?!

Mary Zombie · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Why would people who don't want to commit to each other go ahead and have children together? I get the oops I'm pregnant but to keep having kids?!

Right? An oops I get but I have no respect for people who intentionally have kids out if wedlock. Call me old fashioned....

and it seems the rage now. I know several people who gave done this. I keep my mouth shut but dang

we as a whole have become too accepting of it IMO

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She's already shacking up with him and the first kid and he didn't commit. So, she thought having more kids would make him commit? What an idiot. Makes women look like real stupid people.

Whenitrains · Member

Why should he want to get married? Right now he can walk away and not have to support them unless she takes him to court. He's likes things they way they are, and she chose to get pregnant again.

Lindley · Guru

Whenitrains wrote:
Why should he want to get married? Right now he can walk away and not have to support them unless she takes him to court. He's likes things they way they are, and she chose to get pregnant again.

I agree! He is getting all the perks of being married without the responsibility. They're not sure they want to be together the rest of their lives but let's have kids. I know they can still walk away when we do get married but at least have some legal ground to make them do the right thing.

FNW · Guru

I agree with you, Mary. I'm old fashioned as well. Heck, DH & I decided to wait for me to go off the pill until after our honeymoon, so it wouldn't look bad.

Domestic Engineer · Guru

FNW wrote:
I agree with you, Mary. I'm old fashioned as well. Heck, DH & I decided to wait for me to go off the pill until after our honeymoon, so it wouldn't look bad.

Ha, ha. DH and I waited for me to go on the pill until just before our wedding so that it wouldn't look bad.

FNW · Guru

I went on the pill before I ever had sex.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

I took my chances and it all worked out, thankfully. In today's age of all sorts or birth control available to anyone, for free if need be, I don't understand an "ooops baby" either. And I never understood the whole "we have to get married" thing because we have kids. Being married doesn't mean he's more committed. Divorce can happen to the best of us. Now-a-days, the kids can take the father's last name at birth, married or not. When I was young, that wasn't permitted. Getting married or engaged doesn't ensure anything. If I were younger and having children with my partner and we weren't married, I'd immediately insist on a paternity test as soon as the child(ren) came along so it's a matter of record if and when the father, or mother, walks away.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I disagree. I can't think of a more important reason to get married than children. IF you are planning to be together anyway. And a paternity test isn't enough to protect the father's rights. Here, men have to go to court to legitimate the kids.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Why would any woman want to have a child with a man like that anyway? If a man isn't willing to lay down his life for you, merge his life with yours and give you all that he has, why are you hopping in bed with him? Yes, children need married parents, not a bunch of live ins. It's the best thing for children but i guess we can all pretend otherwise because nobody seems to care anymore about anything but their own selfish selves.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Damn right. Why would you want to be with a man that doesn't want the best for you and your kids? And security is best.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Children don't need to know their parents are married. That piece of paper means nothing to them. What they need and want is to know their parents love each other, and them, unconditionally and are in it for the long haul. Being married doesn't make that so.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

If it's just a piece of paper, then it shouldn't be such a damn big deal to do.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Forever Sunshine wrote:
Children don't need to know their parents are married. That piece of paper means nothing to them. What they need and want is to know their parents love each other, and them, unconditionally and are in it for the long haul. Being married doesn't make that so.

That's a nice excuse for a man who's just not that into you.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It has been proven that children from married homes do better in married homes with both parents. DECADES off studies.

FNW · Guru

While I agree that children want and need two parents who love not just them but each other, I'm old fashioned in that I think they should be married if for nothing else, to set a good example for the children that commitment is important. Unmarried couples can walk away too easily.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I love my children enough to die for them. Marriage is a no brainer.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Hell no would i have ever moved in with a guy. No freaking way i am gonna pick up your socks. No, you are not going to get the comfort of my warm body unless you are giving yourself over to me completely, then i will give myself over to you. I don't understand these "his and her" marriages where people have separate accounts and some "own" certain bills, etc. Everything i have is DH's and vice versa.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It's unfortunate when women have no choice because a man walks out on them. But to PURPOSELY have children with aan that won't marry her is idiotic.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, what did she THINK was going to happen? Time to call these stupid women what they really are. Stupid arse women who don't even care enough about their own children to have chosen a decent father for them.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
If it's just a piece of paper, then it shouldn't be such a damn big deal to do.

It's not! That's the point.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

However, I do recognize there are times when women marry someone who appears to be a good guy, then he goes off the rails. i have see that happen quite a bit. But in this case, this woman already had all the info she needed.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Forever Sunshine wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
If it's just a piece of paper, then it shouldn't be such a damn big deal to do.
It's not! That's the point.

So, then arguing to NOT get makes no sense.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Forever Sunshine wrote:
Children don't need to know their parents are married. That piece of paper means nothing to them. What they need and want is to know their parents love each other, and them, unconditionally and are in it for the long haul. Being married doesn't make that so.
That's a nice excuse for a man who's just not that into you.

I totally disagree. I've known many couples who've been together for 30, 40, 50 years and aren't married. They've had children, raised them to be loved and productive in society and are still together, without that piece of paper.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
It has been proven that children from married homes do better in married homes with both parents. DECADES off studies.

I agree! I'm not disputing that. One doesn't have to be married to have both parents at home in a loving committed relationship.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's not just a piece of paper to me. It's a committment before God and man to love and honor my husband until death us do part.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

FNW wrote:
While I agree that children want and need two parents who love not just them but each other, I'm old fashioned in that I think they should be married if for nothing else, to set a good example for the children that commitment is important. Unmarried couples can walk away too easily.

I agree with the concept but one doesn't have to be married in order to example commitment. Married couples can walk away just as easily. I'm sure there are decades of studies to prove that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
However, I do recognize there are times when women marry someone who appears to be a good guy, then he goes off the rails. i have see that happen quite a bit. But in this case, this woman already had all the info she needed.

But when that happens, there is a divorce order that helps protect the kids. You can't demand a paramour clause from a boyfriend. Or anything but basic child support. And a man unwilling to marry you is unlikely to be depended on for steady child support.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hell no would i have ever moved in with a guy. No freaking way i am gonna pick up your socks. No, you are not going to get the comfort of my warm body unless you are giving yourself over to me completely, then i will give myself over to you. I don't understand these "his and her" marriages where people have separate accounts and some "own" certain bills, etc. Everything i have is DH's and vice versa.

I'm not talking about a "his and hers" relationship. I'm talking about a committed, in-it-for-the-long-haul relationship just without the piece of paper.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Forever Sunshine wrote:
FNW wrote:
While I agree that children want and need two parents who love not just them but each other, I'm old fashioned in that I think they should be married if for nothing else, to set a good example for the children that commitment is important. Unmarried couples can walk away too easily.
I agree with the concept but one doesn't have to be married in order to example commitment. Married couples can walk away just as easily. I'm sure there are decades of studies to prove that.

You can't get a divorce without a court order. And that provides protection - to the kids and to the spouse in regard to assets. There are issues like I insurance, etc. A boyfriend could never be ordered to contribute to college. But a husband could.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not just a piece of paper to me. It's a committment before God and man to love and honor my husband until death us do part.

LOL it's a piece of paper. You can make that same commitment before God and man to love, honor and whatever until death do you part.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Marriage is there to protect families. Sorry, this "oh it's just a piece of paper" is simply a way for someone to reserve a part of their selfish selves. I can't respect a man and women who do this then have children. If you don't love me enough to marry me, get the hell out. But, in my world, he wouldn't have moved in in the first place because i have more respect for myself than that.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

And, let's be clear, we know absolutely nothing about the young man in the OP letter. For all we know, he is a good man who is committed to her and the kids and in it for the long haul.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Forever Sunshine wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not just a piece of paper to me. It's a committment before God and man to love and honor my husband until death us do part.
LOL it's a piece of paper. You can make that same commitment before God and man to love, honor and whatever until death do you part.

No, you can't. You aren't married. You are just shacking up. A marriage is a covenant between God and man and also has legal implications. If you wanna play house, then play house but you aren't married.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Forever Sunshine wrote:
And, let's be clear, we know absolutely nothing about the young man in the OP letter. For all we know, he is a good man who is committed to her and the kids and in it for the long haul.

Rii.....ggtt! evileye

Forever Sunshine · Guru

As I've said, I know many couples who've been together for 30+ years, raised families, grandkids, the whole nine yards. They're not married and would never dream of not supporting and protecting their families.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Forever Sunshine wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Hell no would i have ever moved in with a guy. No freaking way i am gonna pick up your socks. No, you are not going to get the comfort of my warm body unless you are giving yourself over to me completely, then i will give myself over to you. I don't understand these "his and her" marriages where people have separate accounts and some "own" certain bills, etc. Everything i have is DH's and vice versa.
I'm not talking about a "his and hers" relationship. I'm talking about a committed, in-it-for-the-long-haul relationship just without the piece of paper.

If you are unwilling to put it in writing, it's not really a commitment. Furthermore, if marriages end, so can other so- called committed relationships. Just without the protection of any kind.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Except that don't love each other enough to legally take one another's names. Uh huh.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

So, you're saying that these couples who've been in loving committed relationships for over 30 years don't love each other after all? Huh, who'd a thunk it. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that.

When two people truly love each other, those protections can be put in place without a marriage certificate. Just because it's not "in writing" by a marriage certificate doesn't make it less credible or less of a commitment. And, some states to recognize common-law marriages.

-- Edited by Forever Sunshine on Saturday 19th of August 2017 10:04:45 AM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

No, we are saying that are not married. And, they aren't.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

People are not psychic. You don't know it will last when you are deciding not to get married. You are hoping. And if you truly love someone, you should be willing to give them more than hope.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's not the same as being married.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
People are not psychic. You don't know it will last when you are deciding not to get married. You are hoping. And if you truly love someone, you should be willing to give them more than hope.

Hahaha I'm sorry but that's true even of marriage. Marriage doesn't guarantee that it'll last forever either. It's a hope and a prayer either way. A crap shoot all the way!

FNW · Guru

I have a friend who lived with a man who helped her raise her baby girl. Each year, she was disappointed when she didn't receive a ring at Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day, etc. Eventually someone in their family died who was not married and they saw first hand how the partner got shafted, legally. When her boyfriend started having health problems, he married her. 18 years after living with her. I used to ask why she stayed when she was living with the disappointed all those years and she said she felt he was committed to her and her daughter, and he took very good care of them. Still, I can't imagine living with disappointment for that long.

I have another friend who lived with a man for 10 years until they decided to get married, for the same reason-inheritance issues.

Both couples are still married and are happy.

Lindley · Guru

The marriage contract will at least give you some legal protection when it comes to children and property.

A certificate is so much more then a piece of paper. It represents vow you make to each other to love, honor in sickness and in health. It is a promise that is made to each other before God, state, family and friends.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lindley wrote:
The marriage contract will at least give you some legal protection when it comes to children and property.

A certificate is so much more then a piece of paper. It represents vow you make to each other to love, honor in sickness and in health. It is a promise that is made to each other before God, state, family and friends.

Oh I get what you and everyone else is saying. However, people can and do make that same vow and promise with family and friends in attendance without the piece of paper from the state or church. It doesn't make their union less than.